


Holding Out

by Reindrops



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Drama, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2018-03-04
Packaged: 2018-06-10 18:07:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 55,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6968257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reindrops/pseuds/Reindrops
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allie has figured out a way to take Clarke, Bellamy, and the other 100 delinquents to the City of Light without them remembering their previous lives outside the City of Light. Now, living a modern life with jobs and love and happiness, will Clarke and Bellamy figure out what's going on in time to figure out a way to get everyone safely out? Will they want to?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_How long could one run before their legs gave out on them? She didn’t have time to stop and consider the probability. Instead, she pushed herself faster and jumped over a fallen log, sliding down a steep decline. Rolling to the side, she propped herself up against a tree and tried to stay very quiet. Her legs were shaking from exertion, but she ignored it. Trying to regulate her breathing, she inhaled through her nose, exhaled through her mouth._

_The sun was setting low on the horizon, casting a plethora of colors across the sky. The beauty was lost on her. She couldn’t waste time gazing at the sunset, though it had once brought her serenity to do so. The birds were singing, unaware or uncaring of the calamity below the trees. All the animals here were mutated, different than what she had been shown in her lessons._

_The quiet surrounding the forest was broken by the sound of twigs breaking. She froze, keeping as still and as quiet as she was able. Her heart was pounding so fiercely against her chest, she wondered if they’d be able to hear it. She could tell there was a small group of them running by, trying to track her. Thankfully, they didn’t see or hear her and kept running passed her. Letting out a steady breath, she tried to get her bearings. She knew where she needed to be, and she knew it wouldn’t take more than a half day’s walk to get there. Maybe less if she could hurry._

_Pushing herself away from the tree, she took one final look around before she took off again in the opposite direction the grounders had gone. She was being more careful this time, using the brush in the forest as cover. She decided to stay off the well-worn path, but just off it so she could still follow it without being on it. They had some good trackers in the Grounder group, and she didn’t want to make it too easy for them to find her, though she had no doubt they would still be able to. Nor did she want to lead them straight to where she was going._

_She had to get to him, to warn him what was to come. She needed to help her people. He would know what to do. She trusted him with her entire being. They were a team, and she regretted having split up from him. Being apart from him was getting harder and harder, especially since they had just met._

_She hadn’t gotten more than a mile when someone grabbed her from behind, clamping their hand over her mouth, and as much as she tried to resist, it was no use. They had the element of surprise. The hands on her were calloused and dirty. The hand tasted like sweat, blood, and dirt. She wanted to scream, but no sound would rise from her throat._

_She’d been captured._

“Clarke! Clarke, wake up,” her mother shook her shoulders gently, her brows furrowed with worry.

Sitting up, Clarke placed a hand to her chest, and she could feel how hard her heart was beating. She looked around wildly, but calmed down when she realized she was in her room. In her apartment. She was home. She was safe. There was no one after her here. “I’m okay,” Clarke tried to assure her mother.

Abby Griffin gave her daughter a skeptical look from her perch on the edge of the bed. Clarke was the furthest thing from okay after having one of these dreams. “Was it the same dream again?” she asked, smoothing down Clarke’s hair with her hand, the other resting on her daughter’s shoulder gently.

Clarke nodded, scrambling to climb out of bed. She needed to pace. “It started out the same. But then it showed me where I was going. Or who I was going to. It was Bellamy Blake.” She stopped to look at her mother, her hands fidgeting in front of her. Her heartbeat was starting to regulate, but the adrenaline was still rushing through her.

“Bellamy Blake? As in our neighbor Bellamy Blake?” Abby asked, her brow arching. “You see each other so often; it’s no surprise you dreamt about him.” Leave it to her mother to find the logical solution. But Clarke felt like there were more to these dreams than that. Like they were trying to tell her something, but usually they ended before she got very far in the dream. And the dreams had started coming more frequently lately.

“You’re probably right,” she nodded, running a hand shakily through her ratted, blonde hair. It was best to just drop it than to try to talk her mom into believing her. Clarke had a hard enough time wrapping her head around it herself. She didn’t have the energy to try and put her bad feeling into words. Taking in her mom’s scrubs, she asked, “You’re heading to the hospital?”

Abby nodded standing up from the bed, “Yes. I got called in. I’ll be back tonight. Remember that Marcus will be coming over. You have the day off, don’t you? Maybe try to get some more sleep.” Abby pulled her daughter in for a hug before leaving Clarke’s room and heading out the door of the apartment.

Sighing, Clarke went to the kitchen to get a drink of water. Sleep was beyond her now. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was only five thirty in the morning. Not much to do yet. Everyone she knew would be sleeping, and the only thing she had planned for the day was breakfast with some of her friends, which wasn’t for another few hours. So she went back into her room and stood in front of her canvas. Picking up her paintbrush, she decided to continue the painting of the forest as she had seen it in her dreams.

*.*.*.*

“O, come on! We have to get going,” Bellamy called down the hallway as he checked his watch again. They were supposed to meet everyone at the café in ten minutes. The little shop was just down the street, but at this rate, they’d be the last to arrive.

“I’m coming. I couldn’t get this braid to look right, so I had to redo it,” she shrugged as she came into view, stepping out of her room and shutting the door behind her before heading into the kitchen to grab her wallet and keys, shoving both in her pockets. “You ready?” she asked him before heading for the door.

He chuckled as he followed his sister out the door, locking it behind them before they walked down the hallway. Clarke was waiting for them at the elevators. He smiled at the sight of her. “I was getting ready to leave you two,” she teased when she saw them, returning his smile.

“Someone was having a hair malfunction,” Bellamy replied as the elevator door dinged open and they stepped inside. He pushed the button for the ground floor, and the car descended from the fifth floor.

“Aw, Bellamy, your hair looks fine the way it is.” Clarke told him. Bellamy didn’t dignify her with a response, so she turned to Octavia and complimented her hair as well.

As the elevator opened its doors on the main floor, they stepped out and exited the building, turning to head down the street towards the café. “You look tired, Clarke. Didn’t you sleep well?” Octavia asked, breaking the silence between them all.

Clarke hesitated, glancing up at Bellamy before diverting her gaze to his sister. “I just had a bad dream, and I’ve been up since five thirty this morning.”

“Is it the one you were telling me about? The recurring dream you’ve been having?” she asked.

This piqued Bellamy’s interested as he asked, “You’re having a recurring dream? What about?”

Letting out a deep breath, Clarke decided it wouldn’t hurt to tell them. She described running from people her dream-self called Grounders. “But today was different. I actually progressed towards the destination I was headed towards, but someone grabbed me from behind. And then I woke up before I could see who it was.” She decided to leave out the part of Bellamy being the one she had been trying to get to. She didn’t need that hanging over her for him to tease her about, too.

Bellamy didn’t say anything, but he seemed lost in thought. Octavia, though, loved hearing about these dreams because she had similarly recurring dreams. And she was convinced the dreams were really memories from previous lives. Clarke wasn’t sure she agreed with that particular theory. How could a previous life know about Bellamy? Unless that had been his previous life’s self? No, that was crazy talk. She’d let Octavia think what she wanted, but Clarke wasn’t going to get pulled into that fantasy. “That’s good that you’re dreaming more! Maybe you’ll finally figure out where you’re going!”

Clarke nodded in agreement but didn’t say anything as they arrived at the café. Holding the door open for the girls, Bellamy followed them towards the back, corner table, their usual spot in the café. Raven, Jasper, Miller and his boyfriend Bryan, and Lincoln were already waiting for them. A couple tables had to get pushed together to accommodate all of them. Octavia hurried to Lincoln’s side, giving him a peck on the cheek before sitting next to him. Bellamy and Clarke took a seat next to each other.

“Are Monty and Harper coming?” Octavia asked, looking around and noticed the only two missing.

Jasper nodded. “Traffic’s keeping them held up.” He looked down at his phone and began texting again, probably Monty.

Clarke smiled. Monty and Harper were the newest couple of the group, and she was happy for them. She had met most of the people at the table in college, and she was so glad they still were so close now that they were out of college and that they all lived close to the same neighborhood, so it had been easy to keep in touch. It had been Monty’s and Jasper’s idea to do breakfast every Sunday. And they all got together for drinks when they could. Their schedules were all scattered, but they made it work.

They didn’t have to wait long before Monty and Harper came through the door. They greeted everyone at the table, and as they took their seats, Clarke couldn’t help but smile. Glancing at Bellamy, she saw he was mirroring her expression as he looked around the table. They were a lucky bunch. It felt right being there with them. She was happy. But she knew there was something missing; she just couldn’t put her finger on just what that was. But at the moment, it didn’t matter.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke are alone in her apartment. And Kane has a question for Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm glad you all liked the first chapter! I'm hoping to get a chapter or two up a week from here on out!  
> I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

“What are you and Lincoln going to do?” Clarke asked Octavia to pass the time from the walk back to their apartment building. The girls were walking together on the sidewalk in front of Lincoln and Bellamy, who were talking about something from work. Lincoln was Bellamy’s superior officer, and they were becoming fast friends, especially since Octavia and Lincoln were dating now.

“Lincoln’s going to work with me on some martial arts. We’re just going to train for a little bit. Maybe go for a jog. Then probably just chill,” Octavia answered, glancing over her shoulder and smiling at her boyfriend when he caught her looking at him. They’d been together for almost a year, and they were pretty much inseparable. “What about you and Bell? Any fun plans?” She turned her attention back to her blonde friend beside her.

Clarke tilted her head, thinking. She pursed her lips as she shook her head. “My brain’s a little fried from lack of sleep. I’m hoping he’ll have some sort of preference what we do. Kinda want to just watch Netflix and sleep, you know?” It was a gorgeous day; the sun was shining and there were barely any clouds in the sky. The temperature was darn near perfect. Usually Clarke would love to sit out on her porch and sketch something. She felt wasteful staying indoors on such a wonderful day.

“I’m sure Bell wouldn’t mind,” Octavia chuckled, and Clarke glanced at her curiously at her tone. Octavia shrugged with a sly smile when she caught Clarke’s look.

She wanted to broach the topic, but they had arrived at their complex. Lincoln hurried ahead to grab the doors for the girls before they headed inside and made their way to the elevators. Pushing the button for their floor, they waited in companionable silence. When they arrived on their floor, Octavia and Lincoln headed for the Blake’s apartment and Clarke and Bellamy headed for the Griffin’s apartment.

Unlocking her door, Clarke waved to the couple before disappearing into her own apartment, Bellamy behind her. Throwing her keys in the tray on the corner table, she wandered into the kitchen for something to drink. “Do you want anything?” she called to Bellamy as he headed into the living room and plopped himself down on the couch.

“Water would be fine,” he replied. Bellamy had been in Clarke’s apartment almost as much as he was in his own apartment. The layouts of their apartments were the same, but the Griffins had a lot more things cluttering their rooms than the Blake’s had. Abby had put up picture frames on nearly every wall. Most were of Clarke. He smiled at his favorite picture that hung up on one side of the window that overlooked the street below.

It was one of the few pictures of just Bellamy and Clarke, and it had been taken at Clarke’s birthday party a couple years back. Abby had caught them both laughing at each other over a joke Jasper had told them. He couldn’t remember the joke, but he could remember clearly the way his heart had jumped at the sight of Clarke with suck pure happiness on her face. She was usually so serious; studying for the boards had been very stressful for her. But she’d had a couple beers by then and had let loose a little.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Clarke smiled as she came into the room and handed over a glass of ice water. She had a mug of coffee in her other hand and sat next to Bellamy on the couch, looking up into his face.

“I was just looking at all the pictures your mom has on the wall,” he replied, taking a drink of the water before setting it down on a coaster on the glass coffee table in front of him.

“She does quite enjoy putting up new pictures. I feel like the room’s getting cluttered,” she smiled, looking around the room. There were so many memories in one place. She was glad her mother hadn’t taken down any of her father.

“A good kind of cluttered maybe,” Bellamy told her.

“There’s a good kind of cluttered?” she asked skeptically, her head turning to face him once more.

“Now there is,” he replied.

Sighing, she turned and shifted so that her head was pillowed in Bellamy’s lap. His hands went automatically to her head, absentmindedly playing with her hair. They did this so often, it wasn’t weird for them. Raven and Harper liked to tease Clarke about her close relationship with Bellamy, and she would have to defend herself to them. They were only friends! Best friends! Bellamy didn’t see her as anything other than his next door neighbor. “Bell, please come to dinner with me tonight. Kane is coming over, and I’m going to feel like the third wheel again,” Clarke begged.

Clarke could feel him shifting under her. “Kane and your mom are great, they wouldn’t treat you like a third wheel,” he insisted, stretching his legs out in front of him, moving his foot up and down to a rhythm only he could hear. He enjoyed his time here with Clarke. It was peaceful. She knew when to talk and when to keep quiet. He liked that they could hang out and not actually have to do anything. Talking always felt so easy with her.

“But that only makes it worse! Then they want to over-include me on everything they’re talking about. And I don’t know why you’re hesitating. You love Kane, and you know he thinks of you like a son,” Clarke argued. She was right of course. Bellamy and Octavia had lived with Kane for a short period after their mom had died and they’d had nowhere else to go. Kane was good for Abby, and Clarke was happy her mom had found someone after Clarke’s father died a few years back now.

“I thought maybe he’d want it to just be family,” Bellamy shrugged nonchalantly.

Clarke frowned. “You are family, Bell.” She reached over to squeeze his hand reassuringly.

Bellamy tried to ignore the flutter of his heart at her words. Family. Did she see him as a brother? The thought made him wince. “I’ll be there,” he finally nodded. He couldn’t tell her no. Besides, he really did like Kane, and it would be good to see him again. The mayoral office had been keeping him busy lately since Mayor Jaha kept late hours.

“So what shall we do to pass the time for the rest of the day?” she asked, tilting her head to look up at him. His eyes locked onto hers, the bluest blue he’d ever seen.

“Want to just Netflix and Chill?” he asked with a wink as he reached for the remote.

“Sounds perfect,” Clarke agreed, smiling to herself. And it was. Being with Bellamy was perfect, her favorite thing to do. She closed her eyes and for the first time in days, she slept. It wasn’t a dreamless sleep however. She was back in the forest. Dreaming of hiding-of running. She dreamed of running to Bellamy, trying desperately to find him. But she woke up again right as she was grabbed from behind. The same dream she’d had the night before.

Coming awake with a start, she glanced around and saw that there wasn’t much light filtering through the window anymore. She could see hues of orange and red painting the sky. Glancing at the clock that hung on the wall, she saw it was about the time her mom would be getting home. Turning her head towards the body she was leaning her head on, she saw that Bellamy had also fallen asleep, his head propped back against the back of the couch. Netflix was playing a Daredevil episode, but she wasn’t sure which one they were on at this point.

Her eyes drifted to his lips, his very kissable lips. What would it take to lean up and press her lips feather light to his? Would he wake up? Would he think it was a dream? He looked so vulnerable when he was asleep, his face free from anxiety or stress. She wanted to brush his hair off his forehead, to run her hands through it, to pull it playfully. She wanted to make him moan her name in his sleep. Maybe then he would want her in real life, too.

She had made up her mind and had shifted so that her face was only inches from his own. But before she could do anything, the door to the apartment opened and her mom strolled in carrying a paper bag full of groceries from the local farmer’s market. Clarke jumped up, startled, her face aflame in embarrassment. She had almost taken advantage of her best friend. Stupid! Bellamy was awake now, and he was getting up to go see if he could help Abby put the groceries away after giving Clarke a curious look. But she quickly averted her eyes so she wouldn’t have to look at him. She wanted to curl up in a ball in the corner.

“When is Marcus coming?” Clarke asked, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and walked over to the bar that separated the kitchen from the dining room, taking a seat on the stool and watched as her mother and Bellamy unpacked and stored the groceries. Mainly fruits and vegetables.

A knock on the door sounded. "Now," Abby replied with a smile. "He should have takeout from that Chinese place around the corner." 

Clarke nodded and went to grab the door, opening it wide. Smiling, Marcus held up the bags in his hand, "I come baring gifts." Clarke returned the smile and grabbed one of the bags from him and ushered him inside the apartment and towards the kitchen. Setting the bags on the kitchen table, Marcus made his way to Abby's side, giving her a peck on the cheek. When he saw Bellamy he smiled, squeezing Bellamy's shoulder good-naturedly. "Glad you'll be joining us."

"Thanks for having me," Bellamy smiled and grabbed some plates out of the cupboard while Clarke grabbed some glasses and began filling them with water, handing them to Bellamy to set on the table. "Hope you guys are hungry, Kane brought enough to feed an army." 

"I figured leftovers would be good. Give Abby a break from cooking," Marcus shrugged with a smile as he took a seat at the table, Abby joining him. 

Abby and Marcus on one side, Bellamy and Clarke on the other. It felt like a double date, Clarke thought, which wasn't so bad. She wondered what a real date with Bellamy would be like. Dinner and a movie? A walk in the park? An amusement park? Netflix and Chill? Shaking her head, she tried to think of something more appropriate. What would he think knowing she had such thoughts? Bellamy handed out some of the boxes, and they all dug in. 

After supper, Clarke walked Bellamy to the door. "Thank you so much for staying, Bell. I appreciate you being here. I know Marcus enjoyed seeing you, too," Clarke smiled.

"I'm glad I agreed. It was fun, and the food was delicious as always," Bellamy returned the smile and turned to leave. "See you tomorrow." With that, he headed to the next door over and went inside. 

Clarke turned and went back inside finding Marcus on the couch, and she could hear the water running in the shower. "I think I'm going to head to bed," she told him as she started heading down the hallway to her room.

"Wait, Clarke, I wanted to talk to you about something," Kane said as he stood up, pulling Clarke further away from the hallway, further away from the bathroom in which Abby currently resided. Clarke stared up at him expectantly. "You know I love your mother very much, right?" Clarke nodded. "And I care about her more than anything. I was hoping to get your blessing to ask your mother to marry me." 

Clarke was so taken aback it took her a minute to process what Marcus had just told her. When her brain finally clicked, she grinned, "Are you kidding? Yes! Of course yes! You're the best thing that has ever happened to her since my dad. She loves you. You're good for each other." When Marcus just smiled appreciatively, Clarke asked, "Do you know when or how you are going to do it?"

"I don't have all the details hashed out. It'll be soon, but I'm still ironing out the details," he replied.

"If you need any help, let me know," Clarke told him, leaning up to envelop him in a hug, squeezing him tightly. "I'm so happy, Marcus. I can't wait." Casting him a smile, she turned and headed back to her room. "Good night!" 

Once in her room, Clarke stripped and changed into her pajamas. She crawled into bed, unable to stop smiling. Kane and her mom. A family. Her mom could be happy again. The thought was too good to be true. She should have had happy dreams that night. Instead, she was plagued by the same terrible dream of running and forests and fear.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to thank everyone for the support and lovely comments. Each kudos and comment and subscription mean the whole world to me.

_A sharp shooting pain creeps up her leg, starting from her foot and working its way up to her hip. She keeps hoping one day she’ll wake up and be numb to the pain, but today is not that day. She’s also hoping one day she won’t be running for her and her friends’ lives and will actually be able to sleep for a change. She knows her eyes are bloodshot and that she's got bags under them. But she’s so close to breaking the code that she can’t afford to stop. She has to get this done, now. Soon. Sleep will come later._

_Text flashes across the screen, scrolling up quickly. She’s a quick reader and knows what’s she looking for otherwise she’d have to cycle through again and risk getting caught. The pain in her leg is a constant reminder of the enemy, and it spurs her on. When she’s sitting it’s not so bad, but the walking is the worst. They have to destroy the enemy. Otherwise, their people will be trapped forever. But how can you save someone who doesn't want to be saved?_

_Shaking her head, she refuses to think like that. She has to keep her head up, the optimism up. They can and will defeat them. They have to. There is no other option. Reaching for the coffee that had been placed on the table in front of her, she wanted to gag. It was cold and was no longer appealing. She wondered if she’d be able to talk someone into making another pot. But then she remembered they were probably all getting some much needed rest._

_The room was dark, but her eyes were used to the dim lighting. The wall in front of her was filled with different sized monitors. Each one had a page of text scrolling up. But her eyes were focused on only one of the monitors. The table was the only organized part of the room; the rest of the room was a mess, parts of computers lying about the other tables, wires hanging from the wall where she had spliced together different wires to make the hard drive work._

_If she had to guess, she assumed it’d be around five in the morning, but in this room with no windows, time was irrelative. Her time was running low and she didn’t have the patience or the need to know if it was morning, noon, or night. The only way to tell was by the sleeping habits of the friends she had with her, but their sleeping habits were almost as sporadic as hers, so it really wasn’t much of a system._

_She heard a noise, suddenly, like someone running into something. Stopping, she glanced behind her towards the closed door waiting for it to open, her fingers hovering over the keyboard posed to start typing again; it was probably one of her friends just waking up. When the door stayed closed, she frowned and got up, listening at the door. It was probably one of her friends screwing around. Shrugging, she went to sit back down. She no more than looked at her keyboard than she heard footsteps on the other side of the door, and they were in a hurry._

_“Let me in!” the person on the other side told her frantically, fists pounding on the door rapidly._

_Hurrying to the door to let her friend in, her mind was racing through all the possibilities that could be wrong. The worst of which was that the enemy had infiltrated them. As the doors opened, she came face to face with one of her friends. “What’s going on?” she asked, ushering her friend inside the room. She took a peek out into the hallway, but there was nothing there. An uneasy feeling washed over her, and she turned around slowly._

_Her friend took one step towards her before pulling out a gun and aiming it at her. She was going to say something, but before she could utter a syllable, the gun went off, and pain bloomed through her body._

Jolting awake, Raven sat up in bed quickly. Having anticipated the dream, she reached over for the water bottle sitting on her night stand. Gulping down half of the water, she yanked open the drawer in her night stand and pulled out a bottle of aspirin and swallowed four of the little pills before drinking more water. Recapping the bottles, she set them back on the stand before falling back against her pillows. She took a steadying breath in before letting it out slowly. Shutting her eyes, flashes from her dream came hurdling back. She didn’t want to remember. It had been one of her best friends that had held that gun. Their eyes cold and emotionless, almost as if it meant nothing to kill her.

Sighing heavily, she ran a hand through her dark hair and glanced at the alarm clock on the stand. She needed to be up for work in an hour. There was no chance of her going back to bed now. She could probably head into work a little early. Sinclair wouldn’t really mind, might just give her a hard time especially since this would be the third time in two weeks she had to go to work early because of bad dreams. At least it was the start of the weekend tonight, the week had been going by more slowly by the day.

Her mind set, she threw back the covers and stepped out of bed. Her leg didn’t hurt now. Why would she have a bad leg in her dreams? Dreams were supposed to be an escape from the real world. But now she dreaded falling asleep, nothing good ever came from her dreams. Walking easily to her closet, she changed into some old jeans and a tank top. Glancing at her calendar on her desk before leaving her room, she saw that tonight was the girl’s night out she had planned with her friends. Finally a Friday night out rather than cooped up at work!

Harper was probably still asleep, so Raven tried to keep quiet as she finished up her morning routine getting ready for work. Hurrying down the steps of their apartment complex, Raven walked down the street towards work. She enjoyed these walks, especially after her dreams. It was like proving to herself she was okay, that nothing was going to happen, that her dreams weren’t real. And if her dreams weren’t real, that meant Jasper wouldn’t really kill her.

*.*.*.*

Typing up reports on his arrests was Bellamy’s least favorite part of the job. He’d much rather be out on the streets working and being active. Being cooped up in one place for too long drove him crazy. The city was big and always bustling with activity: good and bad. He enjoyed the quiet and not getting shot at, sure. But he liked being out there helping people, saving people. It was the best feeling in the world.

It made him a little more than nervous that his sister Octavia had decided to join the force. She was a detective, though, and so she worked in a different part of the building. Mostly because Human Resources would have a few words with her and Bellamy’s Captain, Lincoln. She had been the top of her class, and Bellamy knew she could more than handle herself. That never stopped the worry from cascading over him, but he was getting better about it.

His phone vibrated on his desk, and he smiled when he saw who the text was from. Clarke.

 **Who thinks it’s a good idea to give their baby coffee???** Bellamy’s eyes widened as he tried not to laugh. She liked to text him some of the weird patients she got through the day, and she definitely saw her fair share of the incredibly stupid. She was doing clinicals in a very busy hospital. Bellamy knew she’d be one of the best doctors at the hospital, following in the footsteps of her mother.

 **Someone seriously did that?** He replied back wanting more information from her.

It took her a couple minute to reply, **Mother came in with 6 month old baby for a routine checkup, and I thought it was chocolate milk. I told her that wasn’t good for the baby, and then she said it was coffee and that the baby just loves it!**

 **Some people shouldn’t be parents.** Bellamy shook his head and went back to typing up his report. The week was going by so slowly. He couldn’t wait to get off and go for a drink with the guys. He was debating about asking Clarke if she’d want to go out with them, too, but he knew Miller would never let him hear the end of it. Besides he remembered Harper mentioning a girls’ night out.

He wanted to see what Clarke looked like in a little, black dress. The thought was starting to stir up feelings in the pit of his stomach he didn’t want to really think about. Clearing his throat, he tried to make his brain make out words that related to the robbery not to the different adjectives he’d use to describe Clarke. Beautiful, of course. And smart- one of the smartest people he knew. Understanding. Kind. Attractive. Compassionate. Persistent. Hot. Stop it, Blake, he told himself. He did no good thinking of Clarke in that way.

Shaking his head, he decided to get up and walk around to cool off his head. He headed into the break room to get a nice cup of coffee to clear his head. “How’s that report coming?” Miller asked, looking up from his phone from his seat at the round table in the center of the room.

Heading straight to the coffee pot, Bellamy shrugged, “About as well as it can, I suppose.” Miller felt about the same way about writing up reports as Bellamy did. “Just need something to kick start my system again.” He grabbed a mug from the tray and poured himself a cup before taking a sip. The station’s coffee was by far the worst coffee he had ever tasted, but it got the job done all the same.  He turned and stood opposite Miller. He thought about sitting, but he knew that he would lose track of the time.

“You ready for a drink?” Miller asked, raising a brow.

“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Bellamy agreed.

“Shall we meet up at your place for pre-drinks?” Miller asked with a smile. “Octavia’s going to be getting ready with Clarke, so you should have the place to yourself.”

“That works. See you tonight,” Bellamy waved with his free hand as he left the breakroom. He just needed to finish the stupid report and he’d be able to go home.

Sitting back at his desk, he tried to remember all the dresses he’d seen Clarke wear. Would she have bought a new dress for tonight? Or would she wear one she already had. He was thankful the guys wanted to get ready at his place. The chances of him running into Clarke and getting to see her at least once tonight were higher that way. It was handy having an apartment right above a bar. With a shake of his head, he banished all such thoughts until after he finished with the report, which couldn’t happen quickly enough.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Been a busy couple of weeks! Enjoy the chapter!

“Which dress?” Clarke asked holding up two dresses. One was a blue, tube-top sundress that fell to her knees; the other was a green, sleeveless dress that fell to mid-thigh.

Raven scrutinized both and furrowed her brows. “I don’t like either. What else do you got?” she asked as she got up from the bed where she had been doing her makeup. "Nothing, these are the only two dresses I brought," Clarke replied, looking anxious that neither dress would do. Making her way over to her own closet, Raven disappeared inside the small walk in closet and debated between a few of them, moving the hangers back and forth as she tried to decide.

“Whatever you wear, you’re going to look like a babe,” Harper called out from the adjoining bathroom that linked Raven's room with her own where she was curling her hair. She was dressed in a little, black dress that hugged her form. The dress had a sweetheart neckline and showed off her shoulders.

Octavia disappeared into Harper’s room and came back with another little, black dress she had. This one was an off the shoulder dress that would show off Clarke’s collar bones and bare shoulders. It flared out a bit at the hips and went to about the mid-thigh. It was one of Octavia’s favorite dresses of Harper’s. “Try this on. It should fit.”

“Harper’s clothes will look ridiculous on me!” Clarke protested holding up the dress warily. The two were the same height, but Clarke was a little bigger than Harper. She was scared she wouldn’t be able to fit into it. The girls were having none of it, so Clarke skulked off to a corner of the room to change her clothes.

Raven went back to her perch on the bed and continued applying her make-up using the mirror that was next to her bed. She had already done her hair up in a French twist and had settled on a red, halter top dress that had cut outs on the sides and back. Harper finished curling her hair and came out of the bathroom, running her hands through her hair, smoothing it down. Octavia was standing at the foot of the bed, looking over her outfit using the same mirror Raven was to check over her outfit. She had decided on the navy blue cocktail dress that had a low V that showed off just the right amount of cleavage and had an open back that hugged her form to just passed her rear. She had decided to leave her hair down and straight, pulling only a little from the front back and out of her face.

“I don’t know how I feel about this,” Clarke said, breaking their concentrations. She walked over to stand next to Octavia, looking over the dress. It was a little tight, but not so much that she couldn’t wear it.

“Are you kidding? That dress looks amazing on you!” Raven smiled at her.

“That dress looks better on you than it does on me!” Harper chimed in coming to stand beside her roommate. “Seriously, you look gorgeous.”

“They’re right, of course,” Octavia nodded. “Wish Bellamy could see you. He wouldn’t know what to say.” She had a glint in her eye that made Clarke blush.

“Why would I want Bellamy to see me?” she asked quickly, turning to go into the bathroom to use the curling iron to curl her hair. She needed to do something with her hands. “It’s not like I care what he thinks.”

The three girls exchanged looks. “I just mean the boys wouldn’t know what to say about us,” Octavia finally said.

“I know Lincoln wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of you,” Raven teased Octavia as she finished her make-up, zipping up her bag and standing up to go help Clarke finish up. “Or Monty,” she added winking at Harper.

*.*.*.*

“Drink! Drink! Drink!” chorused the group of guys around a table where Bellamy had just beat Jasper at beer pong. Jasper was a good spot and was chugging the glass of cheap beer. When he finished, he slammed the cup on the table and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, and the boys started cheering, applauding his bravado. The rest of the bar was crowded, full of people drinking and having fun. They had been lucky to get a table.

“Who else wishes to challenge the king?” Jasper asked as he looked around at the other boys all clustered around the table, challenging them with a single look. Jasper swayed where he stood as the guys had been there a few hours already and it had been Jasper’s second loss of the night.

“I got this,” Miller shrugged out of his leather jacket and handed it to his boyfriend Bryan as he came to take Jasper’s spot. “How we’d love to see the Rebel King fall!” Miller teased using the nickname they had all given Bellamy years ago. Bellamy had earned quite the reputation for doing things his way. He was a bit of a daredevil and wasn’t afraid to take risks.

Jasper stumbled around the table and stood next to Monty who was calling bets and taking everyone’s money on who would win this. “Who’s your bet on?” Jasper asked his best friend, glancing around to see who else was betting. Murphy and Bryan had his money on Miller while Lincoln was betting on Bellamy.

“I can’t bet against Bellamy,” Monty smirked. “What about you?”

“Miller’s gonna take him down a peg, I can feel it,” Jasper smiled and turned his attention back to the table where Miller had just made his first shot, making Bellamy drink.

It wasn’t long before they were down to one cup each, and Bellamy was up. He needed to make this to win. And it was at that precise moment when he went to throw the ball that Bellamy happened to glance up and caught sight of Clarke walking into the bar with his sister, Raven, and Harper close behind her. They all looked amazing, but Clarke more so. Bellamy didn’t usually get to see her dressed like that. She usually preferred looser fitting attire. And she looked gorgeous in those. In this skin tight dress, Bellamy couldn’t even find the words to describe how he felt. Bellamy’s mouth literally dropped open. His ball had missed the marker and skirted off the table into Miller’s waiting palm.

Grinning, Miller took aim but his ball went too high and barely went over the cup. Lincoln caught the ball after it bounced on the floor. He sauntered over and jabbed Bellamy in the ribs. “Might want to reel your tongue back in,” he chuckled handing Bellamy the ball. “Sink this and go tell the lady how beautiful she looks. I’m going to get a head start.” With that he turned and headed towards the girls who hadn’t seen them yet and were making their way towards the bar for a drink.

Bellamy swallowed, finding his mouth suddenly dry. Winning didn’t matter quite as much anymore, but he’d be damned if he let Miller take his title away from him. He took aim, kept his focus, and threw the ball straight into the cup, making Miller the loser. Bellamy stood up straight and smiled. Bowing slightly to the crowd with a smirk, he headed to Clarke. 

How he wanted to take her home with him. How he wanted to run his hands up those creamy legs, up and under that skirt to squeeze that ass. He wanted to press her body firmly to his, wanted to feel her breasts against his chest. His mouth trailing hot kisses down her shoulders and over her stomach.

Shaking his head, he wondered where those thoughts had come from. Sure Clarke was attractive. But did he really want to sleep with her? Yes. The honest answer was yes. He’d wanted to for months now, but he hadn’t been sure how to broach the topic. She was his best friend, and he didn’t want to complicate things with her by crossing a line they wouldn’t be able to uncross later. He was scared. Scared of never being able to tell her the truth. Scared of actually getting the chance to do so.

It was the alcohol. He’d had several glasses and some shots already. And by the way the girls were walking, this hadn’t been their first stop. Harper and Octavia probably had wanted to hang out with their boyfriends and talked Raven and Clarke into stopping here where they knew Monty and Lincoln would be. Lincoln was standing at the bar rail with the three other girls helping them order their drinks. Monty was slowly making his way over to the girls from their table while Murphy, Miller, and Bryan held their table.

“Now I see why Harper and Octavia had wanted to come here so badly,” Clarke said as a way of greeting when she saw Bellamy sauntering up to her. “I hadn’t realized before Lincoln came over that this was where you guys were, too. Should have known.” She smiled up at him. Bellamy loved that smile. It vanquished the darkness in his soul. He’d do anything to keep her smiling.

He smiled. “Not like we go anyplace else,” he replied, enjoying the fact that conversations always ran so smoothly between them. “You clean up well,” he decided to say against his better judgment. He decided testing the waters wouldn’t be a bad thing. A little shameless flirting never hurt anyone.

Her eyes widened, and her cheeks reddened. Looking away, she mumbled a thanks and started trying to pull the skirt of her dress down. Bellamy reached a hand out to still hers. “Don’t. You look sexy,” he whispered into her ear, his breath tickling her neck. Clarke wanted to swoon into his arms, his breath sending shivers through her spine.

She stilled, but not before her heart skipped a beat. He was touching her. He was whispering into her ear. Bellamy Blake was flirting with her. And she liked it. Boy, did she like it.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for following this story. Any feedback would be great!

_What they were doing was wrong, Octavia told herself. She needed to stop them. Everything they touched, everywhere they went, death followed. She should have known better. She should have protested more. But she had had hope, too, that this time would be different. She was a realist. She knew the chances of that happening were slim. But once Clarke made up her mind, there was little anyone could do to change her mind. It was better for Octavia to go along than to stay behind._

_Looking around her, she took in the groups of people huddled together. Some were crying, some were staring off into the distance, not really seeing anything. It was those haunted looks that hurt the most. It was Octavia and her friends that disturbed the serenity here. The people here had quite a peaceful life set up here. That peace and quiet was broken. It would be a long while before the events of that night would be forgotten. Too many innocent lives had been lost._

_Now, she and her friends would no longer be welcome. Luna was going to send them back home. There would be no swaying her, but Clarke would continue to try and change her mind. Bellamy came up beside her. “Come on, Clarke’s going to try to talk to Luna one more time to convince her to take the flame. We should be there,” he told her._

_Octavia glanced at her brother. He was tired, tired of all of the fighting. She remembered back to their time on the Ark when they had laughed together. How long had it been since they’d been able to do that? Would she ever be able to laugh again? Lincoln was gone. Dead. He was never coming back. She had felt true happiness for the briefest of moments, and now, without him, her life seemed even bleaker than before. A lump formed at the back of her throat so that she could not reply._

_Without a word, she turned and followed her brother. She was still so mad at Bellamy for everything he had directly and indirectly caused. What he had done was wrong. He murdered grounders, the very people sent to protect them. He was trying to atone for his mistakes, but a part of her wondered if she’d be able to forgive him. All her life, she had always looked up to him. He was her big brother. He did everything for her to make her happy. But somewhere down here on the ground, he had lost his way._

_Maybe they all had. When Octavia thought back to the person she had been when she had first touched the ground, she couldn’t believe that had only been months ago, not years. She thought she had lost everything when she had been locked up. Her mom was dead, she had been taken from her brother. What could they possibly take from her after that? Lincoln. He had been home. He had been all she needed. And now he was gone, and she was going to have to find her place out in the world again. Was she ready for that?_

_She barely listened as Clarke and Luna spoke about taking the flame, sipping at the drinks Luna had given them in goblets. It was evident Luna would not answer violence with violence. She was not the answer Clarke was seeking. They were on their own again. Back at square one. Again. Suddenly, she felt woozy, and down she went, getting swallowed up in the darkness. She wasn’t worried, however. What could possibly be worse than watching the love of your life getting shot in the head? As her mind flickered back to that moment, Octavia felt a tear escape down her cheek._

 

When Octavia’s eyes fluttered open, she inhaled deeply. The dream was still so fresh in her mind. She’d dreamt of Lincoln’s death before and of her brother’s betrayal to the grounders, and they had been terrible. She had immediately called Lincoln so he could reassure her he was, indeed, alive. And only then would she be able to go back to sleep.

Reaching up, she found her cheek damp. Wiping away the tear, she shifted in bed. Turning so that she could spoon Lincoln, she put her arm around his middle and hugged him to her, kissing his shoulder. Lincoln shifted after a moment after having been woken up and turned in her arms so that they were facing each other.

“Another dream?” he asked softly. His hand was stroking her arm, as if to reassure her he was beside her and well. When she nodded her head, he pulled her closer to him, sneaking an arm under her so that he could hug her completely. “I’m right here. Nothing’s going to happen to me, okay?” And he believed it. Octavia was his whole world. No way was he going to leave her behind.

She didn’t cry. She was getting used to the dreams. But it never ceased to shake her to her core. She was just thankful that Lincoln seemed to understand what she needed. There was no judgment from him when she would talk about how the dreams had actually happened, only in a previous life. Everyone else scoffed at her. But not Lincoln. Octavia wasn’t sure if he believed in or not or if he just supported her. Either way, she was glad he was there, that he had asked her back to his place.

It was home.

 

* * *

 

Siting at the table in his kitchen, Clarke kept her head down and continued munching on the toast Bellamy had placed in front of her. She was so hungry, she ate the first slice without buttering it or adding any jam. Bellamy smirked, but he didn’t say a thing as he continued working on the omelet currently cooking in the skillet. It smelled good, and Clarke couldn’t wait to dig into it. Bellamy was, by far, a better cook than she was, so she enjoyed the rare occasions he would cook.

As she waited for the rest of the food to be ready, her eyes lingered on Bellamy’s back specifically the muscles that she could see through his thin, T-shirt. She had ran her hands over those muscles last night. She couldn’t believe the turn of events of the night before. She had gone out with the girls totally expecting to get trashed and to  probably crash at Raven’s and Harper’s place. The usual. But last night had been more than unusual. It had been crazy- insane, even- to think about.

 

She and Bellamy had left the bar together after Octavia went home with Lincoln for some alone time. Everyone gave them crap for going home, teasing them both good naturedly but also suggesting all manner of inappropriate things they could probably do together. Clarke had blushed but didn’t say a word. After the massive amounts of flirting she and Bellamy had been doing, Clarke was hoping he’d follow her into her apartment. But she had been nervous that he hadn’t felt the same. Maybe she was reading too much into him. He was probably just being friendly and the alcohol was making her think too much into it.

They had walked in relative, companionable silence to their apartment complex. In the elevator, Clarke tried to work up the nerve to say something, but everything sounded so wrong. She had kept quiet and cursed herself when the elevator had arrived at their floor and she hadn’t said anything to him. They walked slowly to her door, and Bellamy turned and flashed her a smile, “I had a wonderful evening, Princess. We shall have to do this again.”

Deciding to follow along with his game, she stood up straighter and replied, “I, too, also enjoyed the pleasure of your company. Who knew you knew how to stop being all uptight.”

“Alcohol sure does wonders, huh?” he said, shifting his weight from one foot to the other.

“It certainly helps,” she answered. She noticed his eyes flickered to her lips, and she unconsciously licked her lips, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth briefly. She was drunk. She should just do what she was dying to do. “Fuck it,” she said as she reached up and pulled him down to her lips. She needn’t have worried whether he would respond or not. She had barely touched their lips together when his arms found their way into her hair, pulling her to him.

His kisses were amazing. His tongue trying to dominate hers, but she wasn’t going to surrender so easily. She was going to make him work for it. He sucked her bottom lip into his mouth and between his teeth causing her to moan. Her hand went to his jeans, her fingers curling around a belt loop and pulling them flush together, melding them together. He was being rough but in a way that told her he had been thinking about this moment probably as long as she had. His hands roamed down her sides, along her hips, and over her ass. Squeezing her butt, he moaned into the kiss. How she loved that sound.

Clarke's hands snaked their way under his shirt, and she relished the feel of his abs and the muscles in his back. With their pelvises pressed so tightly together, she could feel he was getting hard. She wanted to reach down his pants and pull his cock out. The things she wanted to do to it with her mouth. Their kisses were becoming more frantic. How long had she wanted this to happen? And the time was finally here.

“Maybe we should take this into your apartment,” Bellamy whispered, pulling away from her. His voice was deeper and huskier, and it sent shivers down her back. Clarke nodded, unable to speak.

Turning around, she fumbled for her keys and, with shaking hands, somehow managed to fit the key into the lock. Bellamy was massaging her shoulders, nuzzling her ear making all manner of thought difficult. Pushing the door open, she turned around and pulled him back to her as he kicked the door shut behind him. Bellamy backed her down the hallway passed the kitchen, through the dining room, and towards the living room.

Hearing a surprised gasp, the two broke apart and found Abby sitting in Marcus’ lap on the couch. The level of undress suggested what they had been up to. “Clarke, I thought you’d crash at Raven’s. We hadn’t expected-“ she looked horrified, glancing at Marcus who didn’t seem to want to say anything, and grabbing the nearest article of clothing to cover herself with. Clarke swore she saw a small smile on Kane's lips as he dropped his head back to rest on the back of the couch.

Clarke’s mouth fell open, and she grabbed Bellamy’s hand and pulled him back towards the door. “Bye!” she called and stumbled out into the hallway. Bellamy was laughing as he closed the door behind him and started reaching into his pocket for his own keys. Letting them into his apartment, the two were laughing almost uncontrollably as they thought back to what they had just witnessed. “Can you believe we just walked in on them like that?” Clarke asked him, trying to catch her breath.

“They kinda caught us at a vulnerable moment, too,” he reminded her as they made their way into his living room.

“Thankfully all our clothes were still on!” she replied, elbowing him playfully before dropping ever so gracefully onto his couch. It was late, and she hadn't realized how tired she actually was. But she didn't want to admit it aloud. Not when her and Bellamy were having such a good moment.

“True. That would have been slightly embarrassing to have Kane catch either of us without a shirt. Not to mention your mom,” he added with a grimace. “You want water or anything?” he asked as he headed into the kitchen to grab a water bottle out of the fridge.

“Please,” she nodded and followed him, stifling a yawn.

“Shall we watch a movie or something?” he asked her as he handed over the water bottle.

She shrugged hoping that would lead to more kissing, “Sounds good to me.” After taking a drink, she handed the bottle back to him. 

But it hadn’t lead to more kissing. They were both too tired to get through more than the first ten minutes of the movie and had fell asleep on top of each other. Sometime throughout the night, Clarke had fallen onto the floor and not thinking, went into his bedroom to go to bed. In the morning, when he had gone into his room to change, he had found her sprawled out on top of the comforter.

 

“Crazy night last night, huh?” Bellamy chuckled breaking Clarke’s train of thought. He was placing the omelet on her plate.

“Ya, crazy,” she agreed, digging into the food, too embarrassed to give a snarky retort. Were they going to talk about what happened or let it go and pretend it never happened? "We had a lot to drink didn't we?" She wanted to smack herself. Why would she bring that up? It hadn't been the alcohol. She had wanted to do that for months!

"I guess we did. But I just wanted you to know, I wouldn't have done anything to you last night. Not with both of us so drunk," he told her. He placed the pan back on the stove after turning it off. Grabbing his own plate, he took a seat at the table opposite Clarke.

"Ya, me, too," Clarke lied. She didn't want to look like a total loser who couldn't control her hormones. "Glad nothing came of it then. Probably better off." 

Bellamy frowned, suddenly finding his omelet very interesting, and Clarke felt a pang of guilt hit her. Clarke was so bad at relationships, and she wondered when she'd stop fucking them up so much. She always said the first thing that came to her mind with no filter. Bellamy was usually someone who understood that. Clarke quickly ate the rest of the food, and then she stood. "I better get going. I'll see you later, Bell." The silence had been too much. She needed some air. She had fucked up and now Bellamy would never think of her as anything more than a good friend. And it was her own fault.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of you who are still reading and commenting. I love you all ♥

“You told him what?” Raven asked incredulously after Clarke told her and Octavia how her night with Bellamy had ended. The three friends were at Raven’s apartment drinking some cheap wine Octavia had bought on her way over. Harper got unlucky and was working the late shift. Raven was sitting in a sofa chair crossways so that her legs dangled over the side. She took a sip of her wine and eyed Clarke suspiciously. “You’ve been pining after the guy for how long?”

“I know, I know. I panicked. I didn’t know what to say,” Clarke let her head drop dramatically onto the sofa behind her where Octavia was stretched out. “Bellamy hasn’t really shown his interest in me until recently, and I didn’t know if it was genuine or if he was making up an excuse about not wanting to sleep with me.”

“But you’ll never know if you don’t talk to him about it. You can’t just assume with my brother. He’s closed off, but he would never lead you on, Clarke. If he’s flirting with you, he’s interested. He used to be a bit of a playboy, but he hasn’t been that guy in a long time,” Octavia added. Clarke felt a little weird talking to Octavia about her brother, but O was a good listener, and she knew her brother better than anyone. Who’d be better to talk to to get insight into Bellamy Blake than his own sister?

“Not to mention he was quite the gentlemen this morning by telling you he didn’t want to take advantage of you while you were both drunk. He made you breakfast! How romantic is that? And you basically told him you weren’t interested. Which we all know is a lie,” Raven cut in matter-of-factly. “You are talking to him. If not tonight than tomorrow after our Sunday breakfast when you two walk back to your apartment. I’m sure Octavia can find something else to do while you guys talk.”

Groaning, Clarke lifted her head up off of the couch. “But what if being with me isn’t what’s good for him. Maybe what I did was my sub conscious’ way of telling me we’re better off as friends?” she asked the girls. She felt tears in her eyes thinking back to Lexa or Finn.

“Why would you think that?” Octavia asked her skeptically. She sat up straighter to get a better look at Clarke, who looked like she wanted to cry. Octavia liked Clarke, and she knew Bell liked her as well. They would be a good match together for sure. But she was getting a little impatient with Clarke. Octavia had spoken with her brother this afternoon, and he had definitely been hurt by what Clarke had said to him. She wanted Clarke to apologize or to explain to Bellamy what happened so he wasn’t thinking it was something he did.

“First there was Finn,” she looked sheepishly at Raven, whose features didn’t shift at all. “He cheated on both of us, and then he died. Lexa and I were together for a while and then she died. Everyone I try to be with dies on me! I don’t know what I’d do if the same thing happened to Bellamy.” She was being melodramatic, and she knew it. But what if she was cursed with bad luck when it came to men for the rest of her life?

“Are you kidding? None of those deaths were your fault. Finn died in a car accident on his way home from work, and Lexa was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. You had no part of either of your deaths. Bellamy will be perfectly fine. Besides, you do remember that’s he a police officer, right? He can handle himself,” Raven assured her. She had fierceness in her eyes that only ever came out when Finn was brought up. His death had been hard on her as well and even more so since she had only found out about him being with Clarke a couple weeks before he had died. Neither of the girls had really gotten any closure. Her throat always felt like sandpaper whenever Finn was brought up. Even after everything, she still loved him.

“Finn wasn’t in a car accident. He had been stabbed,” Clarke corrected her. Clarke closed her eyes and thought back to Finn’s death. A terrible car accident, Raven had said. But that’s not what she remembered. He had been tied to a pole and she had stabbed him with a small knife that Raven had given her. She shook her head to clear it. He had thanked her for killing him. Clarke could hear Raven’s screams in the distance. She had the vague sense that something wasn’t right about her memory. Why had they been in the woods? There had been a ton of people around watching. Why?

“What are you talking about?” Raven asked defensively. “Do you know something we don’t?” She had shifted so she was sitting in the chair normally, her glass of wine set on the end table beside her; her feet were planted firmly on the floor.

“No, it’s just what I remember, but it doesn’t make sense. I was the one that stabbed him. There was so much blood on my hands,” Clarke whispered, looking down at her palms and imagining them red with blood. “It had been my fault.”

“Clarke, what’s wrong? You didn’t kill Finn with a knife. He had run a red light and someone ran into him. You were working at the hospital that day,” Octavia reminded her. She had been the one to go pick her up from the hospital and take her home since Clarke had been too distraught to drive.

She shook her head. “It’s not right.”

“Clarke, I don’t know why you’re being weird about this, but you need to stop,” Raven replied sternly. Talking about Finn was hard enough without Clarke making it worse. 

“I’m sorry,” Clarke replied, rubbing her temples. What was the matter with her? Up until five minutes ago, she had though Finn had died from a car accident, too. But when she tried to remember back to his death, she was seeing something different. “I think I’m just going to go to sleep. It’s probably the wine.” She tried to play it off, but no amount of joking or apologizing would make Raven feel better tonight.

“Yeah, the wine,” Raven sounded unconvinced, but she didn’t push the topic. Getting up, Raven grabbed all their empty wine glasses and headed into the kitchen to rinse them out before she headed into her bedroom, closing the door behind her without another word. Clarke sighed, wanting to pound her head against the wall. Octavia was scrutinizing her carefully, like she was debating about what to say next. Sliding off of the couch, Octavia sat beside her friend.

“You really think Finn was stabbed?” Octavia asked quietly. She didn’t want Raven to hear and come storming back out here.

Clarke put a hand to her head and closed her eyes. “I don’t know what to think right now. I know what I believed up until tonight. But I have these visions that feel so real. But they make no sense.” Clarke didn’t want to talk about it. She didn’t want to talk about how she was the one that had plunged the knife into him. She didn’t want to talk about how the blood flowed out over her fingers, how sticky her hands were later with congealed blood. “I remember you giving me a ride home from the hospital. It’s like what I believed before today is mixing in with this weird visions or memories or whatever the hell they are. Like two different memories overlapping. And I’m having a hard time differentiating between what actually happened and what’s fake.”

“Why do you think the visions are fake?” Octavia asked softly.

Clarke looked up into Octavia’s eyes; they were warm and not judging Clarke at all. “Why would I want to believe that I was the one that killed Finn?” she asked. “If I admit that these memories might be real, that means I killed Finn.” She shook her head. Finn’s death had been hard enough on her as it was without adding to the fact that she had been his killer. How was she supposed to live with herself killing him in cold blood? The accident had been hard enough since he had died on his way to visit her.

Octavia decided to take a different tactic. “Do you remember how Lexa was killed?”

Clarke frowned as she thought back. This death was more recent, and Clarke had only recently begun to heal from it. Bellamy had been a big help in her recovery. He was the one that got her out of the apartment, the first one to get her to smile again. They had been inseparable for months before Clarke started being herself and felt okay being by herself again. “She was shot.”

“Do you remember the situation?” Octavia asked. She had heard about it from Lincoln.

“I was in her room fighting with Titus. He had a gun. He fired at me, but he missed and hit Lexa as she walked into the room,” Clarke replied, but she looked confused, her brows furrowed. Lexa’s room wasn’t how she remembered it. It was bigger and had furs on her bed and floor. The window had a perfect view of the sky and what lay beyond. But just like with Finn’s death, Clarke could also remember what she had thought her room had looked like before tonight: a small room with a view of a brick wall from the manufacturing building next door.

“You mean it wasn’t a drive by shooting?” Octavia asked.

Clarke stopped and stared at the wall. “No? I don’t know, O. I just don’t know. Can we just drop it? I’m tired and have a splitting headache. Thank you for listening to me ramble. But it’s just probably stress and the wine.”

“Of course. I didn’t mean to push you. But just remember that not everything is at it seems here.” With that, she got up and headed for her purse. “Are you going to crash here or do you want to go home?”

Torn, Clarke wasn’t sure what to do; she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts to process everything they had talked about tonight. “I’ll head home with you if you don’t mind giving me a ride.” She got up and followed Octavia out of Raven’s and Harper’s apartment with one last, final look at Raven’s bedroom door. She’d have to apologize at breakfast tomorrow. Hopefully this nonsense would be resolved in her head by then. Sleep would do her some good for sure.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the lovely comments and the kudos. It means the world to me.

When Clarke opened her eyes the next morning, she was already dreading breakfast. She contemplated sending out a mass text and letting everyone know she couldn’t make it. She had to work at the hospital for the evening shift that night. Spending the rest of the day in bed didn’t sound like a bad option, but she knew she had to try to clear the air with Bellamy. And Raven. What had she been thinking fighting with Raven about Finn’s death? Groaning, Clarke sat up in bed, the covers pooling around her waist. Great, she had a migraine. What a way to start the morning.

Throwing the covers back, she threw her legs over the edge of the bed and made her way into her bathroom on leaden feet. Opening the cabinet above the sink, Clarke found the Aspirin she was hoping to find. Unscrewing the cap, she threw four into her mouth and turned the tap water on. Filling the cup on the sink with water, she took a sip and swallowed hoping to feel the sweet release from the pain. When none came, she turned to her reflection in the mirror and noticed the bags under her eyes. There would be no amount of makeup that would be able to hide them.

Clarke remembered last night like it was some sort of a dream. “How did Finn die?” she asked her reflection. She closed her eyes and thought back. Her mind was doing the weird double memory thing. But her gut told her the car accident was wrong. She had stabbed him. She had killed him. His blood was on her hands. The harder she thought about it, the more clear the memory got and the less she remembered about the car accident. Finn had killed innocent people. All to find her. He had to pay for his crimes, but Clarke spared him the painful death he would have to endure.

“How did Lexa die?” she asked herself. Again, the double memory sprang up. The more she thought about Titus shooting Lexa, the stronger the memory got. She could remember more about Lexa’s room and more about the ritual Titus performed after her passing. Titus had pulled something out of Lexa’s neck, but Clarke couldn’t remember what it was. And the more she thought about it, the more her head hurt.

Opening her eyes, Clarke wondered what she was supposed to do with this new information. What other aspects about her life was wrong? Who could she talk to about it all? Octavia, obviously, though Clarke wasn’t sure if the girl was just humoring her or if she really believed her. But she didn’t know if any of her other friends would be so understanding. She would just sound like a crazy person trying to convince them Finn had died at her own hands. The memories felt familiar and right, and the setting reminded her of the dreams she had been having lately. Was that significant? Were the two connected? Were her dreams a previous life like Octavia seemed to think it was? Was that why she had been so understanding? But why did the memories she had match the dreams? Why in her dreams was she searching for Bellamy?

So many questions and absolutely no clue how to get the answers, Clarke shuffled back into her bedroom and flopped face down onto her bed. She wanted to confide in Bellamy. Her dreams were leading her to him, so maybe he would be the key for her to figure this all out. But he openly scoffed at Octavia’s beliefs of previous lives; Clarke felt certain he wouldn’t believe her. And how did one broach that topic? She didn’t want a  repeat of what happened with Raven.

Poor Raven. How would she look at Clarke now? With anger in her eyes? She needed to apologize to Raven and tell her she was being crazy. If Clarke somehow found out later that it was all true, she’d cross that bridge with Raven then. No need to get her friend worked up about it now with no proof. Finn was a touchy enough subject anyway, Clarke didn’t want to add onto it. The fake memories of the little triangle Finn, Clarke, and Raven had been hard enough to endure the way it was.

Bellamy. Clarke knew she wouldn’t be able to talk to Bellamy about her memories until she cleared the air with him after what happened yesterday morning. She knew he was more hurt than angry. She had been stupid. The night before had been perfect between them. How could she have messed that up the next morning? She had been faced with everything she had wanted. Him. Bellamy. That was it. And she screwed that up like she screwed up everything else in her life at the moment.

Running away was such an appealing option, but Clarke knew Octavia would hunt her down no matter how far she went. Sighing with resignation, she pushed herself up off of the bed and got dressed for breakfast with the gang. She wanted to catch Raven before breakfast to clear the air and Bellamy after. Saving the hardest one for last. She ran a brush through her hair and pinned a few pieces back out of her face. She dabbed on a little makeup hoping to draw attention away from how tired she looked. Calling the train wreck that was Clarke Griffin good enough, she headed out of the apartment, calling a goodbye to her mother, who was getting ready to go to work.

She hurried down the street towards the café and found she was the first to arrive, which was a first. Taking out her phone, she texted Raven that she wanted to talk to her about last night and that she was sorry. While she waited for a reply, the waitress came over and asked for her drink order. Clarke ordered her usual, an iced mocha coffee, and the waitress scurried off to go make her order. Her phone lit up with Raven’s incoming text message.

**It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.**

Great, she was mad. That wasn’t going to stop her from doing everything she could to make things right between them. The bell over the door chimed, and Clarke whipped her head up hoping it was Raven, but it wasn’t. Sighing, she slumped in her seat and hoped someone would arrive soon so she wouldn’t be sitting here alone. Anyone but the Blakes would be good. Talk about awkward. The waitress came back with her coffee and hurried off to another table without another word.

After five more minutes of waiting, the bell over the door chimed again, and this time it was Raven. She sauntered over to the table. Her face a mask of indifference. She took a seat across from Clarke, more to be polite than because she actually wanted to. Clarke had seen her eyeing the other side of the table, but she clearly didn’t want to have to explain to everyone else why. Once Raven was situated and had ordered her drink, Clarke reached across the table for Raven’s hand, but she pulled away quickly.

“Raven, I really am sorry. I don’t know what was the matter with me last night. I wasn’t myself. You have to believe me that I would never try to hurt you,” Clarke told her, her eyes searching Raven’s for a sign of forgiveness, of normalcy.

“Really, Clarke, it’s fine. It was the wine. You’re stressed. Whatever,” Raven replied coldly.

“What can I do to make it right?” Clarke asked softly.

“Give me some space, okay?”

The waitress came back with Raven’s order, and before Clarke could say anything else, Nathan and Bryan showed up, plopping down into the chairs beside Raven. “I don’t know about you guys, but we are starving,” Bryan said to the girls as he grabbed the menu and began looking over all of his options. Miller’s eyes darted between the two girls, his intuition sharp as ever. Clarke was thankful he didn’t say anything, just raised an eyebrow at her. Clarke shook her head in reply and busied herself in a menu as well. Before long Bellamy and Octavia entered followed by Monty. Harper, Murphy,  and Lincoln had to work, so would be unable to make it. The three took their seats, Bellamy ended up having to sit next to Clarke, much to both of their discomfort.

Breakfast passed too quickly in Clarke’s opinion. The conversations were a little stilted- everyone got the sense that something wasn’t quite right between Raven and Clarke and Clarke and Bellamy. The more they tried to ignore it, the more awkward it became. So it came as some sort of relief when everyone was finished and started heading off. Clarke waved goodbye to Monty and turned to head towards her apartment, seeing Octavia and Bellamy stopped at the intersection talking about something. As Clarke drew closer, she could hear Octavia tell her brother, “I’m headed down to the gym. You can walk with Clarke and sort this whole mess out with her.” With a quick wink in Clarke’s direction, she headed back down the street in the opposite direction.

With a heavy sigh, Bellamy shoved his hands in his pockets as he and Clarke stood in silence waiting for the light to change so they could cross the street. They walked most of the way back to their apartment in silence. A part of Clarke hoped he’d initiate a conversation with her. But he had stayed frustratingly silent. Once they were in front of their building, Clarke grabbed his hand and led off to the side of the building where they could talk in relative privacy. She took a deep breath and decided to just start talking. “Bellamy, I wanted to apologize for the other morning.” Glancing up at his profile, she noted his expression hadn’t changed. “What I said isn’t what I meant, Bell. But I got nervous and I didn’t even realize what I had said until after it left my mouth.”

“I think you made your feelings pretty clearly,” he told her, his jaw set.

“No. I didn’t. Look, I have no real excuse for that morning. It seems I’ve been screwing up everything lately. I royally screwed up last night and now Raven’s mad at me, too.” She was rambling, and she knew she should stop. This wasn’t about Raven. This was about her and Bellamy, but Bellamy had always been her shoulder to cry on, and it just felt so natural to unload on him. Right now was hardly the time.

Bellamy frowned down at her, “Look, Clarke, I can’t help with why Raven’s mad at you. And if this is an apology, it’s a pretty poor one.”

“I know,” Clarke held her head. The migraine was flaring up again. She was doing this all wrong. She had rehearsed a speech in her head the entire time over breakfast, but now having to say it out loud made it so much harder. “I just…” Clarke trailed off as she glanced up at him. One moment she was staring at his face, each of the freckles that dusted his nose and cheeks standing out, the next she was staring into darkness.

* * *

_The darkness twisted and morphed so that Clarke was standing on the edge of a field, a field littered with bodies and blood. As far as the eye could see, there was a dead grounder. The people Lexa had sent to protect Arkadia were dead. Indra had been found alive and had insisted Bellamy had been a part of this massacre, and he had a message that Arkadia no longer would be a part of the very coalition that Clarke worked so hard to keep afloat. Pike and Bellamy were just reinforcing what the other clans already thought of them._

_Lexa made her way to Clarke’s side. “The other clans are demanding we march on the Sky People as we speak,” she said in lieu of a greeting. “Blood must have blood.”_

_Clarke turned, “Blood must not have blood. Think of the peace we have been striving to build. You march on Arkadia and there will be a war. Pike has guns, too much blood would be lost.”_

_“What would you have me do?” asked Lexa defiantly. She stood tall and straight and was every bit of the intimidating, warrior, leader that she was. That didn’t deter Clarke._

_“Let me talk to Bellamy and to my people. Not everyone follows Pike. If I can get them to give him up or stand down, would that suffice for the other clans?” Clarke suggested. She turned to look towards where she knew the Arc would be, though the trees blocked her view._

_“You have until sunrise,” Lexa replied before striding away. That didn’t leave her with much time. But she had to believe Bellamy wouldn’t have killed all of these grounders for no reason. If she was wrong, they would all be dead._

* * *

 

When the darkness cleared, Clarke was staring into Bellamy’s eyes, who were furrowed in worry. She felt his hand on her shoulder, keeping her steady and upright still on her feet. “You killed all those people,” she whispered so quietly, she was shocked to see Bellamy had heard her.

Bellamy’s hand dropped from her shoulder. “What are you talking about?” he looked confused more than anything, like he thought she was talking about someone other than himself.

Clarke shook her head, “I just saw you kill 300 people.” She didn’t want to tell him. Didn’t want him to judge her, too. But she promised herself that she would always be honest with Bellamy after what happened yesterday morning. But after seeing Bellamy’s expression, she wished she’d broken her promise.

“What are you talking about? Do we need to get you to the hospital? Did you bump your head?” he asked, not unkindly.

“No!” Clarke shook her head furiously. “I just had one of those visions like the dreams I get. Only I was awake. And these visions I’m starting to think are memories.” Bellamy frowned, but said nothing. The look of confusion on his face told her she needed to drop it and apologize. But she pushed it, “Octavia’s been having strange dreams, too. I know she’s told you. Are you telling me you’ve never had a dream like this?” Clarke looked at him expectantly. Maybe just maybe he was having the same dreams. Maybe in his dreams, he was being pulled towards her.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay! Been really busy lately!  
> I just wanted to take a moment to thank you all for all of your lovely comments! They mean the world to me! Thank you to everyone who's given me kudos and subscribed!   
> Hope you enjoy the chapter!

_ He had read about rain while up in the Ark, but being able to stand in the real deal was something else altogether. No textbook could have prepared him for the barrage on his senses. His favorite sport was just under a part of the Ark where the metal room jutted out from the ship where he could sit and enjoy.  _

_ Listening to the pitter patter on the metal roof, he relished the sound drowning out the real world beyond him. The children of the Ark came out during the rain storms and danced in the puddles, their laughter filtering up to his ears, making him smile. If he really strained, he could practically hear the plants cry in relief as they soaked up the rain.   _

_ Rain felt so cleansing, washing way the dirt, grime, and blood from his face and knuckles. Being clean wasn’t a luxury he felt like he had a lot of time for. The water was a small reprieve, and it felt amazing after the long, hard, hot days. He wondered how he’d feel in a couple of months when summer would be over and winter would set in.  _

_ Under normal circumstances, he would stop and enjoy the rain. Today was not normal circumstances. Now, he cursed the rain. The ground was muddy and slick, and it was making traversing the terrain hard. He was making footprints in the mud as he went, and he didn’t have the time or resources to cover them up. He could only pray it would get too dark for any pursuers to see and follow. _

_ The rendezvous point was coming up, and he could only pray that she had made it safely. It had been a good plan to split up in case they were being followed, but he had hated the idea of them separating in case one of them had been caught. He felt as though they stood a better chance in a group, but she had insisted splitting up would be the best way. Both plans had merit, and he trusted her decision. _

_ It was hard to tell how late it was with the rain clouds blocking out the moon, but he guessed it was nearing midnight. He could see the tree Clarke and he had picked for their rendezvous point. Miller and Octavia were already there waiting. The spot was the midway point from TonDC and Arkadia. It was a good place to meet up before continuing.  _

_ As he neared, he nodded his head at Miller. Octavia was still ignoring him, still upset with him. She had every right to be, he could see that now. How he had gotten off of the path before him? He had needed to see that Pike had been right, that they were the good guys. He was starting to see that things weren’t so black and white. There was a lot of gray here, and it was getting hard to figure out how to traverse.  _

_ “Have you heard anything from Clarke?” Bellamy asked, scanning the area. Darkness was the only thing he could see. The trees cast evil shadows, and Bellamy would be relieved to get out of the area. They were at a severe disadvantage being in the woods, where the Grounders knew the terrain better than they did. _

_ “Nothing, yet,” Miller answered when it was clear Octavia wasn’t going to say anything. He ignored the tension between the siblings; there was no room for distractions. He knew they all needed to work together to survive.  _

_ They waited. The rain stopped. The clouds dispersed, and still Clarke did not arrive. Something was wrong. _

 

* * *

 

It had been over a week since Clarke had spoken with Bellamy after breakfast that Sunday. She had skipped breakfast this week with the group. She couldn’t face him again, not yet. What would she say? How could she possibly apologize for turning crazy and mixing her weird visions with reality? Again. 

She needn’t have worried. She had gotten a text from Harper later that day. Apparently, she wasn’t the only one avoiding. Bellamy hadn’t shown up either. Octavia had given some noncommittal shrug when asked where her brother was. 

Clarke walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine from the rack that had been built into the island. Finding a wine glass under in the cupboard, she poured herself a glass and told herself it wasn’t pathetic to get drunk on a Wednesday night by herself. She would just drink the entire bottle while watching something sad on Netflix so she’d have a good excuse to give in and just cry.

With her plans settled, Clarke grabbed the bottle and her glass and settled herself in the living room, grabbing her comforter from her bed and wrapping herself up in it like a little, shitty burrito. 

Her mom was gone for the next two days on some medical conference, and as luck would have it, she had the next two days off from the hospital. Good. She could be a baby in peace without her mother smothering her about how she should go make everything right with her friends. Raven was being civil, but it wasn’t like how it used to be. 

After half of the bottle was down, Clarke switched off the terribly sappy movie she had only been halfway paying attention to. Raven was one of her best friends, and she was going to be damned if she didn’t do everything she could to make things right between them. Moping about the apartment was not going to help matters. 

She could go talk to Bellamy and make things right with him, but she wasn’t sure if she was ready for that. How she approached him would probably depend on how things with Raven went. Trying to shrug off the comforter, Clarke fell off the couch. She tried to get her hands out to brace her fall, but they got caught in the material; she landed with a hard thud on the floor. Hitting her head slightly on the floor. The vibrations on the floor caused her easel to fall and land dangerously close to her head.

Groaning, she rolled onto her back and cursed her mother for choosing the hard, wood floors rather than carpet. When had she become so clumsy? She wondered before eyeing the open wine bottle still sitting safely on the table.

Suddenly, frantic knocking on her door broke her train of thought. She managed to disentagle herself from the blanket and get up without knocking anything else over as she made her way to the door, probably a neighbor complaining about the noise. Putting a hand to her temple, she wondered if there was a mark.

The knock came again, insistant. “Coming,” she called out before she finally grabbed the handle and pulled the door open revealing the last person she expected to see. “Bellamy,” she breathed his name, afraid that if she spoke too loudly, she’d scare him away.

“I heard a crash and wanted to make sure you were okay,” he replied, looking passed her into the apartment. She turned to look down the hall to see what he could see. Nothing, thankfully. 

“Uh, yeah. I had a bit of a klutzy moment. Moment’s passed, hopefully,” she replied, trying to sound nonchalant and not like her heart was about to beat out of her chest. She couldn’t believe he was standing in front of her. 

“You got a red spot right there; are you sure you’re okay?” he reached up and brushed a lock of her blonde hair away from her face to get a better look at the bump on her temple. 

“I don’t know,” she whispered. 

Without saying a word, Bellamy’s eyes bore into hers. It was as though he was asking her a question she didn’t have the answers to. She felt completely vulnerable and wondered what he was seeing. “We better get some ice on that,” he finally said after a minute and shouldered his way passed her.

Heading straight to the kitchen, he pulled open the freezer and found an ice pack in the back. Grabbing a towel off of the counter, he wrapped the pack and made his way into the living room where Clarke was trying to tidy up the mess she had made earlier. As she righted the easel, Bellamy noted the wine bottle being half empty and suddenly tonight made a little more sense. 

If only he could make sense of what had happened between them that Sunday. “Sorry, you caught me at a bad time,” Clarke broke his thoughts as she grabbed the wine bottle as if that was explanation enough. “I have the next couple days off, and I’ve sort of gotten lazy.”

Bellamy opted to not say anything and took a seat on the couch waiting for Clarke to settle down and take her seat beside him. When she finally did, he brought up the wrapped ice packet and pressed it gently to the side of her head. 

“I’m surprised you even came over here,” Clarke admitted, breaking the silence.

“To be honest, Octavia made me come over. She’s been harping on me for a week to talk to you,” he replied sheepishly. 

“You have every right to be angry with me, Bellamy. I understand what I said and did has been confusing at best and crazy at worst- and not the good kind of crazy, I get that,” Bellamy was a little taken aback that she was admitting what he had been thinking. “I haven’t been feeling like myself lately. Something’s wrong with me, and I took it out on you, and I’m sorry.”

“Hey,” he grabbed one of her hands in his free hand. “There’s nothing wrong with you. It’s probably just stress. Princess like you doesn’t handle stress very well,” he tried to joke, but it fell flat, and he knew it.

“It’s more than that, Bellamy. I’m having these dreams, which feel more like visions. Like these dreams are trying to tell me something, and I can’t figure it out,” she replied.

“I don’t know about visions or all that, but dreams are our subconsciousness’ way of talking to us,” he said, dropping his hand from the ice pack. 

“There’s one common theme in all my dreams,” Clarke said after a moment. She seemed unsure of whether or not to say anything.

“What’s that?” he asked, curious.

“You.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your kudos, comments, and subscriptions fuel my writing!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the moment you all have been waiting for!

Bellamy tried to remember the first time he had ever met Clarke. Abby Griffin and Marcus Kane had always been close, so while he and Octavia had been living with Kane, he had met Clarke. Bellamy had only lived with Kane for a year before he went off to college, and Octavia had stayed living with Kane while she finished up high school. Abby used to bring Clarke over for dinner at Kane's and Bellamy and Octavia had been forced to be social and polite with Clarke. They argued nonstop when they were together. It'd get so bad, Octavia had refused to hang out with both of them at the same time. But the first time she had walked into that living room, he had found her to be beautiful, and his mind had searched for a comparable goddess in one of his Greek mythologies. Then she had opened her mouth.

Clarke ended up going to the same college Bellamy had been going to since the college had one of the best medical degrees. They had kept their distance from each other for the first semester, but then Bellamy had heard about some drama between Clarke and the guy she had been seeing. He had shown up at her dorm room the night he had heard about it to make sure she was okay. He had ended up crashing on her floor. After that, they had hung out pretty regularly, a respect growing between the two of them like a vine winding it's way around their limbs up into their hearts, connecting them together.

Thinking back, he couldn't remember when his feelings had developed into more than just friendship, but he had felt for her for years. She was one of the only people he felt he could tell anything, and the last couple of weeks with it having gotten weird between them had been hard. They had gotten into such a routine of texting each other about the stupid patients she saw and stupid perps he had brought in. He was used to eating supper with her, too, and spending their evenings together. Being cut off from her had been hell, and he wasn't sure there was anything worth keeping them apart the way they had been. 

Her talking about her dreams had been freaking him out. But not because he thought she was crazy but because he had been having similar dreams. However, his dreams had been dark and ominous. Dangerous. He had killed people in his dreams. He had made terrible decisions, and to admit that the dreams were real would be to admit that he had done all of those terrible, awful things. Keeping those visions suppressed was becoming harder and harder.

When Clarke had said her dreams had been leading her to him, he wanted to so badly tell her that his were leading him to her as well. He had been a coward and had run away. Now he was in her apartment and she was pouring her heart into his hands, and he had to choose whether to take her heart and protect it or to give it back and keep pretending he wasn't falling apart. 

"I have to tell you something," he said. Squeezing his hand, Clarke looked up at him expectantly. "I haven't been totally honest with you." She furrowed her brows in confusion, and Bellamy hurried on before she could interrupt him. "The reason I've been acting the way that I have is because I'm scared."

"Of what?" she moved closer to him on the couch. 

"Of the dreams. I have been having them, too. I hadn't wanted to admit it aloud because in my dreams I do terrible things, and I don't want them to be real," he tried to explain, but he could see the hurt, confusion, and anger cloud her eyes.

"You mean that last week, you knew what I was talking about? You made me feel like I was going crazy!" she hissed, dropping his hand.

"You had caught me off guard. I hadn't expected you to call me out on that, and then I didn't know what to say. These dreams have been freaking me out. Octavia keeps saying they are us in a previous life, but I can't accept that. I can't accept that in another place or time I had done any of that," Bellamy wasn't sure how to properly explain the reasons behind his actions, and he wondered if it really even mattered.

"So if you've been having these dreams, too, why have you been so mad at me lately?" she asked.

"I haven't been mad at you- more like at the situation. I've been trying to convince myself these dreams are just that: dreams. And then you come in and say how they are visions and could be real. I just don't want to face what that could mean for me," Bellamy replied honestly. It felt good to get these feelings out and share them with someone. He hadn't even really talked about this with Octavia. 

Taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly, Clarke reached for his hand again pulled it into her lap. "In my dreams, I've done some terrible things, too. You and I hold a great burden. But we have to figure out what these visions mean. I feel like there's a message we should be getting from them, and I can't figure out what it is. I need your help. We can do this. Together."

Bellamy smiled at her, appreciating her support. In his head, this conversation had gone a million different ways, and it had been too much to hope that she would have been this understanding. He should have had more faith. "Do we have to figure it out right now?" he asked.

"Of course not. It's definitely something that can wait until tomorrow when I'm a little less of a mess," she answered, returning his smile. Her eyes searched his silently giving him permission for what she suspected was about to happen.

Bellamy leaned in and pressed his lips gently to hers. He could taste the wine on her lips as he deepened the kiss. Clarke brought both of her hands up to cup Bellamy's face, and she opened her mouth, yielding her mouth to his. Bellamy's tongue dipped in and caressed hers in a dance that only they knew the steps to. They had kissed before on more than one occasion. The first time they had kissed had been in college at a party where they had played truth or dare. Jasper had dared them to kiss, and so they had, for longer than was deemed necessary. Most of their kisses had been when they'd been drunk and lonely. But this time, neither were drunk, even if Clarke had had some wine earlier.

Pulling Clarke's leg around him so that she was straddling him, Bellamy moaned into her mouth when she started grinding her pelvis into his. Clarke pulled Bellamy's black shirt up and off of him, running her hands down his bare chest and relished the feel of his muscles. His hands worked their way from her back down to squeeze her butt cheeks firmly in his hands, kneading them gently. Her lips were roaming across his jaw, ghosting around his earlobe and down his neck. Bellamy brought his hand up under her shirt relishing the feel of her smooth skin against his calloused hands. Clarke sat back long enough to pull her top off of her, her breasts falling free as she had been wearing no bra. 

Groaning, Bellamy brought his mouth to one of her nipples, his tongue swirling around it before pulling it between his teeth and into her mouth to suck and knead it with his tongue. His hand found her other breast, flicking her nipple before rolling it between two of his fingers. She moaned, her head drawn back and her back arched into him. He moved his mouth to the other nipple and used his other hand to play with her other breast. 

"Shall we move to your room?" he asked once he felt he had given both her breasts ample attention.

"Yes," she breathed.

Bellamy pulled her to him, holding her close as he stood, and Clarke wrapped her legs around his waist tightly. As Bellamy made his way towards Clarke's room, he kissed her neck and collar bone. Kicking the door open, he set her on the bed and stepped away so that he could pull the remainder of his clothes off. As Clarke started pulling her pants and underwear down, Bellamy came over and stilled her hands, finishing the job for her. Running his hands along the inside of her thighs, he let out a breath.

"You are so beautiful," he smiled at her. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Are you kidding?" she asked him. "I've wanted this for a lot longer than I care to admit." 

"Good." With that, he pulled her so that her hips were near the edge of the bed and he dipped his head between her legs. Running his tongue along her folds, he brought her clit into his mouth and sucked, circling it with his tongue. He brought up his hand to insert a finger. Clarke's breaths came more quickly now, her moans more frantic, her hips rolling against his mouth. Bellamy knew what he was doing, that was for sure. She couldn't believe he was in her bed, making her feel this way. How long had she dreamed of this very scene? Adding another finger, he shifted so that his fingers were moving more quickly. He hummed, the vibrations added to his tongue and fingers proved to be too much for Clarke's senses to handle and she brought a hand up to fist into his hair as she came.

"God, you're good," she told him, a smile on her lips. She rolled over to her bedside table and pulled open a drawer. Grabbing something, she shut the drawer and threw a small packet at Bellamy. A condom. Smiling, he unwrapped it and sheathed himself. Turning his attention back to Clarke, he dipped his head to her mouth. Clarke could taste herself on him, and when he pulled back, she licked her lips. 

Bellamy reached between them and positioned himself at her entrance. He entered her slowly, letting her adjust to his girth. Clarke wrapped her legs around his waist, arching her back into him. Bellamy moved over her, pulling back and then slamming back into her. Thrusting in and out, Bellamy moved his hips in a steady rhythm. Clarke met him thrust for thrust. He enjoyed watching her breasts bounce below him. Clarke brought a hand between them so that she was working her clit as Bellamy pumped into her. Her moaning increased in volume as he picked up the pace and began thrusting into her harder. As he hit that sweet spot within her, Clarke trembled beneath him, his name on her lips like a prayer.

As he lowered himself so that Clarke could wrap her arms around him, he met her mouth for another dizzying kiss. He was close. So close. Burying himself to the hilt, he rotated his hips into her before pounding into her again. Harder. Faster. He couldn't hold back any longer. His sweet release washed over him, and it felt like a rebirth. Nothing could compare to the feelings he felt at this moment. 

"That was incredible," he said as he kissed her on the forehead before getting up to dispose of the condom. After he was cleaned up, he returned to the bed and pulled Clarke into his arms. 

"That was amazing," Clarke agreed as she snuggled into him.

They fell asleep in each others' arms, and it was the most peaceful Clarke had felt in weeks. But while her waking reality was happy, her dream reality was anything but headed towards a happy ending. 

 


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to say thank you for all the support! It means the world to me!

_Sometimes, she wondered if death would be easier than the life she led. If she was dead, she wouldn't have to fight anymore. There would no longer be the heavy weight on her shoulders, and there wouldn't be anyone she would have to worry about disappointing. No stress or worries. Just sweet nothing. No feelings, no emotions. Nothing. Sweet release into the abysmal afterlife or whatever came after this. She wasn't much for religion, but she knew certain religions believed in heaven and hell. And if the stories were true, there was no way she would make it to heaven, and hell didn't sound all that pleasant._

_Her captive yanked on her rope, lurching her forward. The sudden movement caught her off guard, and she nearly stumbled into the mud. She yanked back in the rope in retaliation. Death would be the easiest way out of this, she knew. But she had people counting on her. Counting on her to save them. And she would save them or die trying. But she wasn't about to give up so easily._

_They were moving quickly, and Clarke was almost positive they were headed towards TonDC, though it was hard to tell in the dark. But she couldn't go back there. Not yet. She had to warn her people about the City of Light, about what it was actually doing to the hosts. She had see with her own eyes what Allie 2.0 was, and she had an idea on how to fix this, but she would need Bellamy's help. They had met up briefly but had split up to head towards the rendezvous. With Allie gaining more and more minions every day, they felt they had a better chance of making it if they split up and gave her more targets._

_Clarke had no way of knowing if this grounder that had taken her prisoner was chipped or not, but she had to assume that he was. Worst case scenario, Allie now knew where she was and would probably send a search party out to find the rest of her friends to bring them in. Clarke could only hope that they would be smart enough to move. Maybe one of them realized she was taking too long and would come looking for her? That hope was too good to be true. Realistically, she had to figure out how to get out of this on her own. There would be no one coming for her. She needed to save herself._

_Walking slowly, Clarke tried to come up with a plan. The grounder was growing impatient with her slower pace and began yanking on the rope. She was ready for it this time, and resisted as best she could though she did have to speed up a little to keep from falling down. She was no match for this guy physically. But if she could get him close enough, she could get him with her pocket knife. His back was to her as they walked, and she wondered how she'd do in a surprise attack. OF course, that would mean somehow getting her dagger out of her boot as the grounder had confiscated the daggers in her coat._

_Falling to her knees, her dead weight caught the grounder off guard as she fell backwards onto her back. Cursing in his own language, he came over to Clarke to help her back to her feet, but she laid still, breathing deeply through her nose. In and out. In and out. She waited until he was leaning over her, ready to haul her over his shoulder before she managed to kick up into his chest and knocking him back. She had kicked out with all of her strength and the guy barely fell back. He had moved more out of surprise than anything. But it gave her the space she needed to reach down and take her dagger between her fingers._

_The grounder came at her, all too confident he had the match won. Clarke couldn't blame him for underestimating her. People always did. She wished she could get rid of the rope, but she didn't have enough time to saw through it. Thinking quickly, Clarke rolled to the side when he went to kick her and she kicked out at his knees this time. She didn't hear a crack, but the grounder dropped to one knee in pain. Getting up quickly, she wrapped her rope around his neck. He slashed out with his knife and got her in the leg, making her cry out in pain._

_Ignoring the pain, she tightened the rope and pulled backwards. The grounder struggled with her, but when he couldn't get her off, he stood up with Clarke clutching to his back, still pulling tightly on the rope. He backed them up into a tree, and it was all Clarke could do to hold on. He went to drive her back into the tree when she let go of the rope and flipped the dagger into her hand so that when she brought her hand back down onto the grounder[s shoulder, the dagger would pierce the skin. She did it again again, hitting his neck and other open areas around his neck as best she could. He eventually dropped and stopped struggling._

_Finally able to saw herself free, she cut away the rope and looked over her handiwork. She didn't think she's ever get used to taking a life, but she was starting to understand that she couldn't get away from it. Death was all that she seemed to know lately. What was one more death on her hands?_

 

* * *

When Clarke woke up, she was the only one in bed, and her heart dropped. Had Bellamy regretted last night so much he had to leave without so much as a goodbye? Last night had been great! Magical, even! Bellamy was perfect and knew exactly what to do with his hands and mouth to make her scream his name. She had been happy, and she thought he had been, too. 

Throwing the covers back, Clarke decided she wanted to eat her sorrows away. Her stomach growled as she thought about what she had in the fridge to make? She decided she didn't have the energy to actually make anything, not that she had very much in the way of groceries. So Frosted Flakes it would be. When she opened her bedroom door, she was bombarded with a plethora of smells. Bacon being one of them. 

Was her mom home early? she wondered. But why would she make breakfast? Padding down the hall, Clarke found Bellamy hard at work at the stove. He had a few frying pans going. She could see he had set the table already for the two of them and had put out the pitcher of orange juice. 

"Bellamy?" she called his name in wonder. She hadn't dared think he would still be around. How easily her mind had jumped to conclusions. "When you weren't in bed, I thought you had left," she admitted as she walked into the kitchen and stopped on the other side of the island, unsure of herself. She wanted to give him a hug, to kiss him good morning, but she waited to gauge his reaction first.

"Well, I did leave," he replied sheepishly, turning to face her. "You were out of eggs and bacon, so I had to go run and grab some from my apartment. I wanted to surprise you." He turned the burner on low and met her around the island. 

"You certainly surprised me. I thought maybe you regretted last night," she told him, thinking how he was too perfect. He was making her breakfast? Her own mother never did that!

"Of course I don't. You don't either, I hope?" When she shook her head, he pulled her into him, wrapping his arms around her in a firm hug. "Good. Last night was amazing, and I was thinking after breakfast, we could go again?" he winked at her as she blushed and he went to continue making breakfast.

Clarke sat down at the table and watched him work. He ended up making bacon, eggs, and waffles. She was so hungry that she dug in before Bellamy had a chance to sit down. After a few bites, she said, "Bell, this is delicious. A girl could get used to this treatment." Bellamy grinned at that and began stuffing his face full of food. 

As they were clearing away the plates, Clarke knew they needed to bring up the inevitable. "We still really need to talk about the visions and what they mean. It can't be a coincidence that we're having similar dreams about each other. With Octavia having these same dreams, too, we should really discuss this with her. Do you know of anyone else that are having these dreams, too?" she asked as she stacked the dishes into the dishwasher.

Bellamy thought back to all of his conversations with his friends before shaking his heads. "They could be and don't really think much of it. I mean, I didn't for the longest time, either. But they were becoming too intense, too often. They felt real. We just have to get them to figure it out, too." He began putting the orange juice and butter back in the fridge.

"We could just ask them if they are having dreams along the same themes as we are. Have you dreamed at all with any of our friends in your dream?" she asked.

Bellamy nodded, "Octavia and Miller were in one of them, and Raven was in another."

"You should talk to Miller and I'll talk to Raven," Clarke told him.

"Are you and Raven still on the outs?" he asked her as he finished putting everything away. He looked around the kitchen, satisfied it looked clean as a whistle.

"We are, but I had meant to go talk to her last night before I got distracted," she grinned at him.

"Do you have to go talk to her right now?" he asked as he pulled her into him again, his hands on either side of her hips. 

"The sooner we get this figured out, the better," she answered, trying her best to not get pulled in, but Bellamy was so intoxicating. When his lips found hers, she knew her resolve was weak. She kissed him back with fervor, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. Bellamy backed them out of the kitchen, down the hall, and into her bedroom. They closed the door and forgot about their problems for awhile longer. 

*.*

"I'm going to go surprise Raven at home," Clarke told Bellamy as they exited her apartment. Bellamy pulled the door closed, and Clarke locked it before they headed for the elevator. 

"And Miller should be at work, so I'll hop down the precinct. I'm sure he'd welcome a break," he replied.

"We need to meet up when Miller gets off duty," she told him as she pressed the elevator's button.

"That won't be until tonight. Let's meet at my place for pizza and plotting around 7?" he suggested as the elevator door opened and they stepped inside, hitting the button for first floor.

"Pizza and plotting, I like it," she smiled. "Hopefully, I can get Raven to listen to me. She was pretty upset with me."

"Finn is just a touchy subject with her. But you're her best friend, and Raven's a strong lady. She'll come around," he reassured her.

The elevator announced its arrival on first floor, and they left the apartment building side by side, stopping out on the sidewalk. "Okay, I'll see you tonight, but I'll text you when I know anything," Clarke told him.

He nodded, "Same here." He leaned down for a kiss goodbye, and they went their opposite directions down the street to their separate missions.

As Clarke neared Raven's apartment, she wondered what she could say to convince her friend that the dreams she's, probably, having are real. If Raven's visions were anything like Clarke's then it wouldn't be easy. Clarke knew she had killed many people, and she couldn't remember Raven killing people in her visions, but that didn't mean Raven hadn't had pain and suffering in her visions unlike anything she experienced here. IT would be tough.

But before Clarke could talk to Raven about that, she would need to apologize for the whole Finn fiasco. She had come on way too strong when she had first figured out the visions. It hadn't been the way to go about it, but Raven's strong reaction also told Clarke that Raven might not be having dreams at all. If that were the case, convincing her of everything was going to be hard, maybe even impossible. Raven was smart, capable, forgiving, and understanding. Clarke sure hoped that she had some in reserve for her.

All too soon, Clarke was in front of Raven's apartment, and she took a deep breath before entering the building. Making her way to Raven's floor, Clarke had to talk herself out of running. If Bellamy could go talk to Miller, Clarke could talk to Raven. Of course, Miller wasn't angry at Bellamy, and Bellamy didn't have to convince Miller that he had killed the love of his life. She wanted to bang her head on the wall in frustration.

Knocking on the door, Clarke waited for Raven to answer. 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry this took so long to get up. I had writers block on top of some personal stuff. I know it's been awhile but if people are still interested, I can continue with semi-regular updates.

Clarke was honestly surprised Raven had answered the door, let her in, and poured her a glass of wine before ushering her to sit on the couch in her living room. Clarke was grateful, but was pleasantly surprised. She had thought getting through the door would be the hard part. 

She of course was giving Raven far too little credit. Raven and Clarke had been through worse than this before. They'd get through this. They had to. Raven was one of the most important people in her life. She couldn't lose her, too. Not after everything. They'd come so far in such a short time.

"Where's Harper?" Clarke finally asked after too many moments passed in silence.

"Out to dinner with Monty," Raven replied coolly. The two finished the first glass of wine, so Raven refilled both glasses. After several more minutes passed in silence, Raven finally said, "Well? I'm assuming you came here because you had something to say not because you wanted to drink my wine," Raven prompted before she took a long drink. She was staring at Clarke warily, as though Raven couldn't figure out what she thought of Clarke at the moment. 

Clarke set her glass on the coffee table and rubbed her clammy hands on her thighs. Taking a deep breath, she nodded in agreement with Raven. "You're right. I came her because you're one of my best friends, Raven. I've missed you, and I'm sorry that I upset you. I would never purposefully hurt you." It wasn't quite how she had rehearsed it in her head.

"Why would you say what you did about Finn?" Raven asked with cool indifference. Clarke felt like the smallest person in the world.

"I just told you how I remembered it," Clarke replied trying to figure out how she could get Raven to see the real truth and not believe the illusion that blanketed her vision.

"How can what you remember differ from the coroner's report or the police files?" Raven asked. "You could probably get Bellamy to pull the file for you if you really don't believe me." Clarke thought it was odd that Raven didn't seemed worked up or upset. She seemed aloof. 

"You're right. The coroner's report and the police file will match everything you just said. But that doesn't mean it's the truth," Clarke said, leaning forward on the couch.

Raven frowned and set down her glass. "What do you mean? What do you know that I don't?" Raven suddenly seemed intrigued. Interested. 

Perfect. She might actually listen to me now. Clarke took her glass and downed the contents before setting the glass back down and scooting down the couch to take Raven's hand in hers. Looking her in the eyes, Clarke began, "Raven, what I'm going to tell you will seem crazy. But I need you to keep an open mind, okay?" Without waiting for Raven to respond, Clarke pushed on, "I have been having these dreams- well, visions, actually. Or I think they are. I'm not quite sure, yet. All I know is that in these dreams, all of us, everyone we know, are in a different place. A lot of the same things happen that have actually happened in our lives, but the way it happened is different. Like with how I think Finn's death is different than the car accident. Like Wells died of a stab wound to the neck by a little girl, or how Lexa died practically in my arms. Murphy was the one that shot and damaged your leg. When I think back to a memory, it's like I'm seeing a second image overtop of the memory taking over, like the real memory is breaking through the illusion." Clarke stopped to gauge Raven's reaction. When she didn't say anything, Clarke squeezed her hand. "I know this is a lot to take in."

"What I don't get," Raven said, "Is how or why these illusions were implanted into our brains if the other world is the real world."

Clarke frowned. "I don't know either. I feel like the dreams I'm having is leading me up to that, but I'm not quite there, yet. All I know right now is in my dreams, I'm trying to find Bellamy, and I'm running from someone, but I have no idea who it is."

"Who else believes you?" Raven asked.

"Octavia, I think. And I'm assuming Lincoln. Bellamy and hopefully Miller. Bellamy went to the station to talk to Miller. Wait-" Clarke cut herself off and gave Raven an odd look. "Does this mean you believe me?"

"I knew that night after you left. I just needed time to sort everything out," Raven nodded finally giving her a little, sheepish smile.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Clarke asked exasperated. She couldn't believe Raven had believed her this entire time. "You asked me to give you space!" She dropped Raven's hand, running a hand through her hair.

Raven shifted in her seat. "I mean, you really freaked me out with everything that night, but when I fell asleep, I had a dream. And it was like remembering everything. I saw him tied to that pole with all of us watching, with those people surrounding him yelling for his death. I saw you stab him. After that, I was so mad at you. But after thinking it through, I remembered why you had done it and how out of control he had gotten. He didn't deserve to die that way. But it was a better death than they were going to give him. But how could I look at you after that? I just needed some space to sort out my feelings. Which I have. We're good. I just wanted to know what you knew." 

The relief washed over Clarke, and it was like three hundred pounds had lifted from her shoulders. "Raven, I'm so sorry. For everything."

"Hey, you did what you thought was right. What we need to focus on now is getting us all together. See who's having what dreams and see if we can't piece together clues on what's really going on. And I think we need to keep this between those of us that already know. We can bring more people in as we think need to, but I feel the less people know the better. Someone is covering up our memories for a reason, and we don't need to give them a reason to make us all forget again if that's even possible," Raven told her.

"I agree. Let me text Bellamy and see how he's going with Miller," Clarke grabbed her phone and shot a quick message to Bellamy saying Raven was with them and asked if he was getting anywhere with Miller. 

"I'll text Octavia and see if we can meet at her place. I think that would be a good base of operations since the people that live there all know about this crazy think," Raven suggested as she grabbed her phone.

"Bellamy and I talked about meeting up at around 7 at his place. Pizza and plotting," Clarke told her.

Her phone chimed; grabbing it, she saw Bellamy had texted her back.  **Miller's on board.**

**Perfect. Pizza and Plotting. Your place at 7.** Clarke replied back. "Miller's in. So we should be good to meet at the Blake's around 7."

"We've got some time to kill. So why don't you tell me about how you and Bellamy hooked up," Raven replied nonchalantly. 

Clarke was glad she wasn't drinking any wine or she'd have choked. "How did you know?" she asked incredulously. She reached for her glass, found it empty, and poured herself another glass. 

"I didn't until you just confirmed it," Raven smirked at her, resituating herself so she was sitting cross legged and looking right at Clarke. "But I knew you two were on the outs for a little bit. I figured something big had to have happened for you two to have talked about this whole mess. So I took a shot. And I was right," the smug look on Raven's face made Clarke laugh.

"Well, you'd be right," Clarke nodded.

"When am I not?" Raven asked.

Clarke grinned. "True. You're never wrong. Because you're awesome."

"I am awesome," Raven affirmed. "Now I want all the juicy details!" 

Clarke marveled at her friend's intuition, intelligence, and compassion. She felt as though until this moment she had taken Raven for granted. Raven was amazing and brilliant and a fucking genius who deserved more than the lot she had been given in life. Clarke couldn't believe that out of all the people in the world, she had been lucky enough to meet her.

With Bellamy and Clarke seeing each other now and her friendship with Raven repaired, Clarke wondered if maybe things would start looking up. Maybe this was a sign of things to come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to those of you who have been reading this since the beginning! And thank you to those of you just discovering this story for the first time! 
> 
> Kudos and comments are the best!


	12. Chapter 12

_Pain. The new constant in all of their lives. Physically and mentally. For some people, it was the blinding, sharp shooting, startling pain. For others, it was the_ _dull, aching, throbbing pain that never seemed to go away; it just festered under the skin. For some people, it was like having the world's worst headache and having_ _it never go away. Your body slowly adjusted to it and became used to the pain._

_For Raven, she received a combination of all of the above. Some days were better than others; while other days, it was all she could do to keep moving forward. How she_ _wanted to stay in bed, to never wake up. Even in sleep, the pain haunted her. Only, in her dreams, the emotional trauma played in a never ending loop. Loosing Finn,_ _getting shot, being unable to walk, having the fate of the world resting on her shoulders._

_There was so much riding on her and her friends, but she was Raven Reyes, the most badass woman alive. And she was going to figure out this code and find a way to save_ _all of her people._

_Glancing behind her, she glanced at Jasper tied to the chair at the back of the room, facing away from the screen. Monty and Harper had been right behind Jasper and_ _managed to tackle him to the ground. Raven had only been grazed in her side, though it had hurt like hell. She had been through worse and had gone right back to_ _working on the code as the others fumbled with tying Jasper to the chair. He gave a few taunts now and then, but like Monty and Harper, Raven learned to tune him out._

_The more Jasper taunted, the closer to cracking the code Raven figured she was. Jasper and Allie must be frantic to try and distract her this way. But she was Raven_ _fucking Reyes. There was nothing she couldn't do._

* * *

Raven tore through her notebooks that she and her friends had compiled the last couple of weeks looking for clues or anything that linked together. She was trying to put together a timeline on the giant poster board she had bought from Walmart. It was coming together slowly because it was hard to read some of the handwriting. Mainly Octavia, who had kept the most detailed diaries of all her dreams.

Octavia was the only one who had started writing the dreams down months ago. Everyone else only started after their meeting a week ago. They had all decided to write down everything they could remember about their dreams in one notebook and everything they could remember that didn't coorelate with how something happened in this world in another notebook. They turned in what they could write down and then were instructed to keep writing things down as they came to them. Octavia had two notebooks full while everyone else only had a few pages written for each.

It seemed that a common factor that the group had come together to track down someone named Luna, which didn't work, and which point they had all decided to move to TonDC for something to happen there that no one knew, yet. The most unsettling part of all of this was knowing that Clarke and Bellamy had killed a lot of people to get to this point. Clarke had killed hundreds within the mountain, and Bellamy had helped kill three hundred of the grounder soldiers sent to protect them. The why is a little fuzzy.

It was hard for either Clarke or Bellamy to talk about such things, but Raven couldn't blame them. One thing she had been hesitating telling everyone was that Jasper was common in her dreams trying to hinder her advancement with the code breaking. She wondered if this meant something was wrong with Jasper? No one else seemed to remember him doing anything in their dreams other than drink a lot.

Raven wasn't sure what that was about, but she was damn sure they wouldn't be telling Jasper any of this under they had more concrete evidence of what was going on. Telling Miller, Bellamy, Clarke, and Octavia was bad enough. The more people that knew, the harder it would be to hide. Thankfully, all of her friends were loyal, and Raven had nothing to worry about.

Pouring over the notebooks, Raven poured over all the material. Something would jump out at her and tell her the answer. She just had to look harder for clues.

*.*.*.*.*

"My mom and Marcus are getting married in a couple of months, and my mom wants to know if I'll be bringing you as my date," Clarke told Bellamy a couple weeks later while Clarke was over at the Blake's having supper. Octavia had stayed long enough to eat most of her dinner before slipping out to go to a movie with Lincoln, which left Bellamy and Clarke to clean up.

As Clarke washed the dishes, Bellamy dried. "Didn't Marcus just propose a couple weeks ago?" Bellamy asked, handing her a clean plate. "I know you mentioned it, but it wasn't really brought up. You doing okay about it?"

Clarke stacked the dry, clean plate onto the pile of plates she had started on the counter. "I'm really happy for my mom. Honestly, it's a little weird that my mom is moving on, but it's not like I could have expected her to stay single forever. Marcus is good to her and really makes her happy. She deserves to be happy. Marcus asked for my blessing, and I gave it to him. He took her on a vacation upstate and proposed when they went on a walk through some park. I guess they want to get married so quickly because why wait?" Clarke shrugged.

Bellamy nodded, able to appreciate the fact that Clarke was being so mature about the whole situation. It couldn't be easy to see her mother with anyone other than her father. "I guess as your boyfriend, it'd be the nice thing to go to my girlfriend's mom's wedding to the guy who partially raised him and his sister," Bellamy smiled, leaning over and kissing Clarke on the nose.

"I know you'd be there anyway. My mom was just wondering if it'd be a date date," Clarke replied, elbowing him in the side playfully.

"It'll be a date date," Bellamy agreed, "because just a date wouldn't work for me." Handing Clarke a glass, he asked, "Have you told your mom we're dating?"

"I did after she asked about the date date thing. She told me she's surprised it took us this long," Clarke chuckled as she dried the glass.

"Frankly, so am I," Bellamy agreed.

Clarke smiled. "My mom also said after the wedding she's going to be moving in with Marcus, which will leave me the entire apartment to myself. Not that I don't most nights since she likes to stay with Marcus most of the time."

"You going to be able to afford the rent on your own?" Bellamy asked seriously.

"I'm thinking it'll be tight, but I could probably do it if I budget a little better," Clarke nodded.

Bellamy was quiet for a moment. Finally, he said, "You mean we can finally make out on the couch and not worry about someone walking through the door at any moment?"

Clarke punched Bellamy playfully on the shoulder, "That would be the first thing you want to know!"

"Of course! It's one of the most important questions!" Bellamy insisted.

"Fair point," Clarke conceded as she was handed the last item to dry. "The answer to your question is yes."

"Good. I can't wait!" Bellamy smiled, kissing Clarke on the lips briefly. Pulling away, he drained the sink, washed his hands, and dried them on a clean towel before grabbing a stack of dishes and put them away. "Shall we take the after dinner festivities to the bedroom?" Bellamy asked his voice low and husky.

Clarke smiled, but her phone chimed telling her a text was coming in. Frowning, she grabbed her phone off the counter where she left it and read over the text. "Raven thinks we need to bring in Monty. She doesn't want to, but he's too common in all of our dreams not to include him. Raven thinks Harper would be okay to know, but she doesn't think it's a good idea, yet."

"Great, I'll call Monty now and see if he's got any plans," Bellamy replied, taking out his phone and sending a text to his friend. 

"I'll let Raven know we agree. Should we invite them both over for drinks?" Clarke asked. 

"Yeah, let's do that," Bellamy agreed. After the texts had been sent, he reached for Clarke, pulling her to him. "It'll be awhile before they come over. Think we have some time?" he raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.

Their phones chimed, and after checking that both Raven and Monty would be on their way shortly, Clarke grabbed Bellamy's hand and pulled him after her towards his room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos, comments, and subscriptions always welcome! Thanks, everyone!


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again about the delay between chapters! I promise I'm still here working hard on this story! Most of my traveling is done (was just in Washington and Oregon- so beautiful out there!), so I will have more time to focus and get more regular updates uploaded! Thank you to all of you for waiting so patiently! :)

Clarke hated keeping secrets from her friends, but she knew it was the only way to keep them safe. Her friends were her family. They were the ones that had been there for her when her own family wasn’t. She was eternally grateful to each of them for everything they did for her, for the faith they had in her, and for their optimism that everything was going to be okay. She had to believe it, too. It would be okay. They would survive this. They would live. They would thrive.

Something-or someone- was messing with all of their memories, and they had no idea who it was or why they were doing it. They were starting to remember many things, but there was still key parts missing- holes that needed to be filled. Whatever they weren’t remembering had to be the key to all of this. But how did you  make yourself remember something you didn’t know you’d forgotten?

Clarke wanted to keep one step ahead of this thing or person. She wasn’t even sure what to call it. She decided it would just be an it in her mind. Clarke wondered if it could monitor their thoughts, if it knew what they were thinking, what they were going to do. Was it hiding in plain sight? Was it someone they knew?

It seemed lately all of her choices seemed to upset someone; there was no winning. She’d hurt Bellamy and Raven both. They might have forgiven her, but she couldn’t forget the look on Raven’s face when she talked about Finn’s death, or the look on Bellamy’s face when she talked about the memory of him helping kill over three hundred people. It wasn’t easy to talk about this. How did you tell someone that their memories were fake and that the real memories were ten times worse?

That being said, it had been rather easy to get Monty over to their side. He didn’t like not being able to pull Harper or even Jasper into the loop, but he understood why they didn’t want to, yet. They had to be sure. Clarke wasn’t about to risk getting her memories messed with again.

“Who or what do we think is doing this?” Monty asked, ever the practical one, asking all the hard questions. They had all finished a glass of wine in the amount of time it took Raven and Clarke to explain what was going on, and Bellamy was refilling the glasses, being the ever good host. He had even talked Clarke into helping slice up some cheese and salami to put out with crackers for a light snack. 

Clarke exchanged a glance with Raven. “We don’t know the answer to that. Nor do we really know how to go about figuring it out. We’re going to need you to write down all your dreams or any true memories that are different inasmuch detail as you can give us. We’re hoping there will something somewhere in our memories and dreams that’ll lead us to the answer,” Raven explained. Clarke was so thankful her and Raven had made amends. Clarke couldn’t do any of this without her.

“We’ve got Miller and Octavia in on this with us, too,” Clarke told him. “With six different dream/memory journals to get through, it’ll be awhile before we find that common thread.” She reached for a cracker as she wondered who else they could potentially pull into this. 

“But we’ll get there,” Bellamy told him confidently. Clarke wondered if he really felt as confident as he sounded or if he was doing it for their benefit to keep their hopes up. Having emptied the bottle of wine, Bellamy went into the kitchen to retrieve another bottle. 

Clarke nodded to Monty, “In the meantime, we have to all act as though nothing’s changed. Since we don’t know who or what is causing this, we have no idea what they know we know. We can’t give the person any reason to doubt that everything’s the same as it’s always been.” Easier said than done.

Monty seemed to agree with this, but he did look a little overwhelmed. To be fair, this was pretty farfetched- no matter how true it was. Who had fake memories? How can they possibly be remembering a different time? A different place? A different world? Clarke’s known for weeks now, and she was still overwhelmed now. She sometimes wondered if she was crazy to believe any of this, but it couldn’t be a coincidence that all six of them were remembering the same things. 

“Going back to people that know about all this. You said it’s us and Octavia and Miller because we all are having memories and dreams with them in it, and they are having the same memories and dreams about us?” Monty clarified.

Bellamy came back into the dining room, bottle of a red wine in hand, “That about sums it up, yes.”

“Have we done a flow chart of some sort to figure out who else we might be able to bring in?” Monty asked.

Raven nodded, “A little bit. That’s how we figured out you should be brought in.”

“Do we think we know who else might be able to get brought in?” Monty looked between Clarke and Raven. 

“We wanted to wait for your journal to see if there were any similarities between it and what we already have. But we do think Harper and possibly Murphy. We just haven’t had a chance to talk to either without anyone else around to gauge what they know,” Clarke explained. Murphy was a gamble. He could very well be having the dreams and memories but be in denial about what it was. Harper worked so much that Clarke hadn’t had a chance to really talk to her in so long. She felt bad about not going out of her way to see her more.

“Once we get your journal, we’ll be able to put into action getting the next person in on this. The more people we can bring in, the more likely we are to get this figured out, but the bigger risk we’re taking of getting noticed,” Raven replied. 

“None of us like keeping this from everyone else. It’s hard to come to terms with it,” Bellamy said as he started filling everyone’s glass with more wine. 

Monty nodded, letting everything he’d just been told sink in. “Where are Octavia and Miller? Why weren’t they here?”

“They both had to work, and we figured this was something that couldn’t wait,” Raven answered.

Monty was quiet awhile. “So here’s what I’m going to do,” started Monty before taking a large drink of wine. “We’re all going to finish another bottle of wine. I’m going to go home and sleep for twelve hours. Then I’m going to wake up and start working on that dream/memory journal.” 

They shuffled out of the kitchen to go into Bellamy’s living room. Bellamy turned on Netflix and let Monty pick what they’d watch before he sat next to Clarke on the couch. Monty picked an episode of FRIENDS and then flopped down on the floor in front of the couch, laying out like a starfish. Raven sat at Monty’s head and gave him a reassuring pat on the cheek. 

Clarke smiled at Bellamy as she reached for his hand. He laced their fingers together after he threw one of his blankets at Monty and laid another one on his and Clarke’s lap. This was nice. Clarke was content to stay there for a long time.

Clarke felt a little bittersweet about her memories and dreams. In them, her and Bellamy don’t seem to have the time to really be together. Always running, always helping others, always dealing with a crisis. More often than not, it seemed they’re separated. Clarke was afraid of what they’d have to deal with in that world. She knew they were a strong unit together, and she could tell her feelings for Bellamy in her dreams mirrored how she felt now, but it didn’t seem the same. 

How would things change?

How would they stay the same?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you I'd start being more regular with my updates! As always, please let me know what you think! I'd love to hear your feedback!

_ The pressure was starting to become unbearable, pressing into his throat, as everyone stood around and watched. They were chanting- chanting for his death. They didn’t care as he hung there, flailing. They didn’t care as he pleaded with them to understand he hadn’t been the killer. He had been called a lot of things: thief, coward, stupid, and a whole slew of curse words. But murderer was not one of them. _

_ They wouldn’t listen. They all just stood there and watched. The man he had been following and helping for the last couple weeks had been the one to do it. He knew they hadn’t been friends. But they had been co-conspirators if nothing else. Didn’t that count for something? In their minds, no.  _

_ Now, he had to die with all these people who didn’t give a damn about him watching as the life was slowly choked out of him. It’d have been better if they had hung him and left him in the woods. At least then he could have died in piece. If a man was going to die, shouldn’t he be granted the courtesy of how?  _

_ They wanted him to suffer, and suffer he did. There was burning in his throat and in his lungs as his heart beat rapidly. Sweat mixed with blood dripped down the sides of his face and into his eyes so now his eyes stung, too. He opened and closed his mouth like a fish, the oxygen not coming quickly enough. Air was beginning to not come at all as his body was becoming too tired to keep trying. _

_ Suddenly, the ground was beneath his feet, but he could no longer hold himself up, and he fell into the dirt. Someone had cut the rope. Finally someone did the right thing. But it was too little too late. The damage was done. He figured everyone had just been tolerating him up until then. Now he saw they couldn’t even do that.  _

_ There was a little girl who claimed to have been the murderer. The one that did the horrible things they had all been so convinced not five minutes ago that he had done. They didn’t know anything about him, and yet they were willing to kill him for it. She deserved to die; she deserved whatever fate they were going to give him. It was only fair- hadn’t that been what they told him when they strung him up? A life for a life. _

_ Unbridled rage like he had never felt before pulsed through his veins. He wanted to punch in the throat every single one of these goddamned people. They deserved to die, to suffer. He wanted to kill them, to kill something. They didn’t deserve to live after what they had done to him. His limbs were weak and slow, but he pushed himself up to stand in front of Bellamy and Clarke, the two people he hated the most. _

_ He hated Bellamy for kicking that barrel out from under him, for condemning him to die. He hated him for giving into what the people wanted. He hated him for the betrayal. Murphy knew everyone was in this for themselves. Alliances could only extend so far. But he had expected some level of loyalty. Everyone loved Bellamy and his stupid catch phrase “Whatever the hell we want.” That had appealed to Murphy. He would do whatever the hell he wanted, the consequences be damned.  _

_ Murphy hated Clarke and her privileged life. She had never had to work a day in her life before she had been thrust down to Earth with the rest of the criminals. He didn’t know what she had done that had been so bad even she had been put in the sky box, not that he cared. She was soft and represented everything he hated on the Ark. Now she was down here, too, barking out orders thinking she knew what was best for everyone. Well, excuse him if he didn’t care one way or the other if any of them survived. _

 

* * *

When he opened his eyes, Murphy found himself staring up into the night sky, the street light blinding him momentarily. Closing his eyes, he sat up and tried to take in his surroundings. He wasn’t in his bed. Hell, he wasn’t even in his apartment building. The good news was he hadn’t travelled too far. He had slept walked out to the front of the building and had laid down in the grass. 

Standing, Murphy dusted off the seat of his sweatpants and made to get back into his apartment building. He pulled, but the doors were locked. Cursing himself and his addled brain, he reached into his pants pockets for the keys, but he hadn’t grabbed them. Nor had he taken his phone- not that he would have called anyone. He didn’t need to give any of his friends ammunition.

The sky was still pretty dark, and he figured he had a few hours before morning. So he sat on the stoop of the step and leaned against the wall. Someone was bound to come home late-or early depending on how one looked at it- and could let him in then. 

He wasn’t sleepy now, though. All he could think about was the look on Bellamy’s face as he sat there hanging in the tree. He’d had this dream a couple times in the last four or five weeks. But this had been the first time he’d gotten cut down. Bellamy had looked guilty. 

 

* * *

When Bellamy pulled up into the station that morning, Miller pulled in right behind him. “Good timing,” Bellamy told him as they were getting out of their vehicles. 

Miller nodded, and the two proceeded to head into the station. After going about their morning routine of hanging up their jackets, putting their lunches in the breakroom fridge, and chatting with the officers they were relieving. Once at their desks, Bellamy sighed as he looked over the pile of paperwork that awaited him. He glanced over at Miller’s desk to see what kind of a pile he had going. They looked roughly the same, and that made Bellamy feel better.

“Have you guys heard from Murphy?” Harper asked as she came over to their desks. “He’s supposed to come in and relieve me. He’s usually here a little early.” She didn’t look too worried, just curious. Glancing at the clock, Bellamy noticed he was only really ten minutes late. 

“I’m sure he’s just running late. Let’s give him ten more minutes?” Bellamy suggested. “You can go ahead and go, though, Harper. I’m sure we’ll be okay until Murphy gets here.”

She smiled at him. “Thanks. Monty’s waiting for me a the Original Pancake House. Been looking forward to breakfast all night!” She hurried over to her desk to finished up with whatever she had been working on before she finally slipped out a few minutes later. 

Bellamy was so engrossed in some of the paperwork he was working on that Miller shaking his arm startled him. “Hey, Murphy’s almost an hour late. I tried calling him, but he’s not answering,” he told Bellamy.

Bellamy nodded, standing up. “I’ll go see if I can find him. His alarm probably didn’t go off. Radio me if you need anything.” Grabbing his jacket, he hurried out the door.

 

As Bellamy was pulling into Murphy’s rundown apartment complex’s parking lot, he noticed Murphy’s car was still there. Parking, he got out and headed for the front door. Murphy lived in a decent apartment building in a worse neighborhood. Bellamy was thankful there was controlled entry. When Bellamy had asked him why he didn’t get out of this neighborhood and move somewhere better, Murphy had said he was comfortable here, but he was saving up for a house of his own. Bellamy respected that and never brought up the rundown houses around here or the trash littering the sidewalks and lawns in the area. 

Bellamy found Murphy’s apartment number and hit the buzzer. He waited a couple minutes before hitting the buzzer again. Silence. Bellamy was beginning to actually get worried. He was about to hit the buzzer consecutive times when the door opened, and Murphy stumbled out. He was dressed in the uniform, but he had bags under his eyes, his hair was disheveled, and it looked like he didn’t shave that morning. 

“Murphy, are you okay?” Bellamy asked as Murphy pushed past him without so much as looking up at him. 

Murphy grunted in response and headed towards his car. 

Bellamy frowned and hurried to his side, “Dude, what’s going on?” 

“Just leave me alone, Blake. I don’t need anything from you,” he still refused to meet Bellamy’s eyes. 

“No, that’s not going to cut it. Tell me what’s wrong,” Bellamy insisted. He hurried ahead as they reached Murphy’s car and leaned against the driver’s door so Murphy couldn’t get in. 

“We don’t have time for this. Get out of my way,” Murphy tried to push him off the car, but Bellamy wouldn’t budge. He just squared his shoulders and lowered his stance so it’d be harder to push him.

Murphy sighed heavily, “Look, nothing’s wrong. I got locked out of the building last night and was just let back into the building about twenty minutes ago.”

Bellamy’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “How did that happen?” 

“I was sleepwalking, I guess. You happy now? Can we go?” 

Bellamy frowned. “You were sleepwalking? Do you remember what you were dreaming about?” 

At that, Murphy’s eyes glazed over, and Bellamy saw pain and anger flash through them. “What the hell does it matter? Just get out of my way. I’d like to get to work. You might not care, but I do.” Bellamy let Murphy push him off the car and watched him back out and speed away. 

What the hell had he meant by that? Bellamy headed back to his own vehicle. Getting in, he took out his phone and texted Clarke:  **Murphy’s cranky today.**

Her reply came in almost instantaneously:  **What else is new? Not exactly news.**

**He said he was sleepwalking last night.** Bellamy remembered Clarke saying she had slept walked a couple times from her dream memories she was having. Was that a sign Murphy was going through the same thing? Bellamy didn’t know what, but he knew something was wrong. 

**You should talk to him** , Clarke replied back. He knew she was right, but he was going to give Murphy some space first. He looked like he might punch Bellamy, and he had no interest in getting a black eye. 

**I will.** Putting the car into gear, Bellamy drove back to the station. 

He found Murphy at his desk, head down, working on some files. Miller looked up as Bellamy came in, raising his eyebrows in a question. Bellamy shrugged and went into the break room for a cup of coffee. Miller followed behind shortly after. 

“Well? What happened?” Miller asked without preamble. “Dude comes in hot and won’t say two words to me. Just goes to his desk. He hasn’t looked up since he got here.”

Bellamy shrugged again, “ I dunno. He said he slept walked out of his apartment building last night and got locked out. He seems pretty upset, but I don’t know why. He wouldn’t elaborate at all.”

“Do you think he’s going through what we all went through?” Miller asked.

Bellamy nodded his agreement. “If I had to guess, I’d say yes.”

“You going to talk to him?”

“Eventually. I want to give him some time to cool down.”

Miller nodded and went back out to his desk, leaving Bellamy to wonder how he was going to broach the topic on his own. Bellamy remembered how he had acted with Murphy. They didn’t always get along. Especially in the beginning. Oh, how they had hated each other. In the beginning, Murphy had been a means to an end. He regretted how he had treated Murphy. He regretted it every day. 

Bellamy hated this world that he was currently in. It was calmer here. Nicer here. Faker here. In this world, he didn’t have blood on his hands. In this world, he was with the girl of his dreams. In this world, Octavia was safe and had the love of her life with her. He didn’t want to go back to the other world where nothing but pain, sorrow, and suffering would await them. 


	15. Chapter 15

One would think after having woken up sweaty and full of night terrors for the past few months, one would get used to the feeling. But it never got any easier. It never got any less painful to watch in her dreams as she stood helplessly. It never got any easier waking up and knowing this world was fake. It never got any easier wondering how much longer they had in this world.

She used to wake up crying and screaming, but there’s only so many times you can cry. It felt silly crying for someone she was sleeping next to. Now she woke up breathless and feeling as though someone had their hand around her heart and were squeezing. But the tears no longer came. 

Taking a deep breath in and a deep breath out, Octavia laid back down on her side to stare at Lincoln’s sleeping face. He slept on his back, one hand on his stomach, the other at his side. In sleep, his features were softened. Everyone always looks more peaceful while they’re asleep. There’s no weight on their shoulders. Octavia watched the rise and fall of his chest, memorizing the motion. 

Reaching out a hand, she couldn’t stop herself from tracing her finger along Lincoln’s cheekbones and then down along his jaw. He had stubble growing in, and she loved the way the hair scratched against her skin. He was perfect. He was her person. How was she supposed to survive without him?

How much longer would they have time like this? She wondered as she buried her face into her pillow. The shadows seemed to whisper back  _ Not enough. _

* * *

“I was beginning to wonder if I’d ever see you again,” Bellamy said the next morning over coffee at their favorite cafe, which was just around the corner from Lincoln’s apartment. 

“Don’t be so dramatic. I saw you two days ago,” Octavia replied, feigning annoyance. Bellamy noted that she had bags under eyes darker than normal, but he didn’t comment on it.

“Is that all? Seems so much longer than that. Without you around, who am I supposed to torment?” he smirked, hoping a little light teasing would make her smile.

“Please, you’ve been hanging around with Clarke so much lately, you barely notice me!” Octavia shot back before taking a sip of her dirty chai tea. She looked smug, and Bellamy found it endearingly annoying.

“We don’t hang out that much more than we were before. She’s still got a crazy schedule at the hospital, so that barely leaves time for me!” he sounded put-out about it, but it only caused Octavia to chuckle. 

“You two should really just move in together and call it good,” she shrugged like her suggestion was no big deal. Like Bellamy hadn’t been thinking about it. 

He and Clarke had only started dating. They couldn’t move in after only a month of dating. He figured right before her mom moved out, he would possibly broach the topic. Maybe by then, Octavia would move in with Lincoln. That only left them a couple more months. Clarke was his best friend. He couldn’t imagine his life without her. 

“I’m not even going to touch that topic,” he said, looking away from her. 

Suddenly Octavia’s face turned serious. “What happens when we figure out how to get back to the other world? I know all of this life is a fake, but I can’t imagine going back to the other world. We won’t have things like coffee, youtube videos, cell phones.” There was something else- rather someone- she wanted to add to the list that Bellamy knew without having to ask. 

“I don’t know, O. It’s hard to think about. That life is so much worse in comparison. There’s so much bl-pain…” Bellamy trailed off. “But it’s what’s real, and we’ll figure it out along the way.”

“Why would anyone choose to go back to the other world versus staying in this one?” she asked.

“Because this is all fake. None of it’s real.” Bellamy said, though it made him feel like jerk for saying it. Lincoln being alive wasn’t real. But it was real enough here that it didn’t matter. No one could tell it wasn’t really him. That thought made him feel worse. His sister was happy here with him. Going back to the other world would yank her away from him again. 

“Right,” she nodded, her eyes gazing off behind Bellamy, and his heart broke a little more at her defeated expression. He wanted so much to make things better for her, but he didn’t know how to fix this. 

He didn’t know how to fix any of this. And that was truly the most terrifying thought. 

 

* * *

“Have you had a chance to talk to Murphy, yet?” Raven asked Bellamy before he even had a chance to step over the threshold of her apartment. 

He shot her an annoyed glance. “No. He’s been avoiding me the last couple days, and I wanted to give him some space. Has he showed up here already?” Bellamy asked as he looked behind her towards the living room. He could see Clarke sitting on the floor laughing at something someone said. But the other half of the room was obscured by a wall, so he couldn’t see whom she was talking to.

Raven nodded. “He’s in the living room, a little more sarcastic than normal, but about the same old Murphy.” She stepped aside to let Bellamy in and shut the door behind him. Leading him into the kitchen,  she gestured to which counter Bellamy could deposit the Chinese take-out he had been tasked to pick up. 

“Have you told Harper, yet?” Bellamy asked as he helped pull all the boxes out of the bags and set them up on the counter. 

“Nah, I was gonna talk to her after everyone left tonight, but if you haven’t talked to Murphy, yet, we could just do both at the same time and get it over with,” Bellamy liked the idea of not having to tell Murphy about all this by himself. He didn’t feel like getting laughed at. 

“Before or after food?” he asked her.

“After. Maybe with full stomachs, they’ll be in a better mood,” she suggested. After he nodded his agreement, Raven hollered for everyone to come in and grab their food.

Soon the kitchen was overflowing with loud voices as everyone tried to push into the tiny kitchen to grab their food. Bellamy grabbed his and Clarke’s and gestured for her to head back into the living room with him. He walked into the living room and found the TV was paused on some Brooklyn 99 episode. Good. He could do with a good laugh. 

As he and Clarke took a seat on the couch, he said, “We’re gonna tell Murphy and Harper about everything after we get done eating.”

She nodded, considering the options. “How easy do you think it’ll be to convince him we’re not insane?”

Bellamy shrugged. “I dunno. We’ll just have to see how it goes.”

“What are you two whispering about?” Monty asked as he came back into the room and took a seat at their feet, in front of the coffee table. 

“Just about how we’re going to tell Murphy and Harper tonight,” Clarke told him with a smile. She knew how much he hated keeping all of this from his girlfriend. 

He nodded. “Good.” 

“Where’s Jasper?” Clarke asked in a normal tone as everyone started making their way back into the living room. The only people not with the group tonight were Jasper, Lincoln, and Octavia, and everyone knew Lincoln and Octavia were at work. 

Monty frowned and said, “He said he wanted to be by himself. He seemed happy enough, so I wasn’t worried about anything when I left.”

That was a little odd. The group hadn’t been seeing much of Jasper lately, but if he wanted to be alone, they’d grant that to him. Bellamy wasn’t too worried about him, but he made a mental note to check in on him tomorrow after work. 

They ate dinner and watched two episodes of Brooklyn 99 before Bellamy and Raven cleared their throats. Raven grabbed the remote and stopped Hulu from playing the next episode. Miller got up and started grabbing the empty boxes from everyone. Bellamy wished he would have thought to start doing that, he wanted to do something with hands.

Clarke reached over and put her hand in his, giving him a gentle squeeze before she clasped her hands in front of her as she sat forward on the couch. Everyone shifted around so they were facing Murphy and Harper, who happened to be sitting next to each other on the floor.

“We need to talk to you two,” Clarke told them as they both looked between each other and everyone else around them. 

Bellamy wondered what they must think they all wanted to talk to them about. Harper and Murphy were barely friends. Not because they didn’t like each other but mostly because they didn’t hang out together on their own. They only hung out together when everyone was together as a group. They talked to each other the least out of everyone. 

Harper was staring with wide eyes filled with worry. She looked to Monty for help, and he just reached over to grab her hand. Lacing their fingers together, he gave her a small smile. Murphy, on the other hand, was looking at Bellamy, like he was waiting for something. 

When no one said anything, Murphy broke the silence, “Well?”

Clarke took a deep breath, “We just wanted to talk to you guys about something that’s a little… delicate. It’s a long story and a little unbelievable. But we need you to both listen to what we’re going to tell you. Know that what we’re saying is true and that we’ve been going through what you’ve both have been probably going through for quite some time.”

“Murphy, can you tell me what you remember about how my leg got so screwed up?” Raven asked.

Murphy frowned, opened his mouth- probably to give some sort of sarcastic comment, and then shut it again. Bellamy watched as confusion and then guilt flashed over his eyes before he blinked and sat back, refusing to look at Raven. 

“You shot me. You didn’t know it was me, and you were shooting at who you thought was Octavia, but you got me instead,” Raven said with no hint of malice. Bellamy knew she had been angry for a long time, but she’d come to terms with what her life was now. It wasn’t easy, but nothing about their lives were easy. 

Murphy looked up at her with some surprise, but then glanced away. 

“I’m not upset about it anymore. I’ve had time to process,” Raven reassured him.

“Harper, That scar you have on your hip. How did you get it?” Clarke asked her, taking the attention off of Murphy for the moment.

Harper frowned as she thought back. “I...” she trailed off, unable to finish the sentence. Her eyes were clouded with anxiety. 

“You were being experimented on to get bone marrow, remember?” Monty asked her, his voice soft and calm. “I was, too. Remember it was the two of us there?” 

Harper nodded her head. “Yes, I thought that was just some weird dream I was having, but I didn’t tell you about it. How could you know?”

“It’s not a dream. Well, I mean, it is. But it’s a dream showing us what really happened in the other world. The real world,” Monty explained. 

Harper and Murphy looked at everyone in disbelief but also in understanding. “That explains all the double memories I seem to have,” Harper said. “Like I remember something that happened two different ways.”

Clarke nodded. “That’s exactly what it’s like. And when you have that, the one that happens not in this world seems to be which one is real.”

“But how do you know?” Murphy asked. When everyone looked at him all puzzled, he continued, “How do you know this world isn’t the real world, and we’re all tripping out on some drugs or something and that’s why we’re seeing these other things. How do you know for sure the other world is the true world?” 

Everyone was silent as they tried to think of a way to best articulate an answer. Clarke finally broke the silence. “Because the double memories started earlier this year. Everything before then has a double memory. But from that moment to now has no double memories. Because this is the present for us. Whatever happened to put us here happened months ago.”

Bellamy was glad Clarke was the one that answered. It was as good of an explanation as any. Harper seemed on their side, but Murphy still seemed skeptical. 

“That makes sense,” Harper nodded in agreement. “So all of you guys have known about this for awhile?” When everyone nodded, she asked, “So why wait so long to tell us? What’s our plan to correct this? Where do we go from here? Who else knows? Who else are we bringing in on this?”

“We have to be careful of who we bring in on this, so we had to be sure you guys were having the same sort of dreams and memories as us. We don’t know who did this to us, but we can’t tip them off that we know what’s going on so they don’t mess with our memories again,” Raven explained. 

“We don’t really have a plan, yet,” Miller piped in. 

“Outside of this room, the people who know are Lincoln, Octavia, and Bryan” Clarke said. “And I don’t think we’re planning on bringing anyone else into this. My mom and Kane are not in any of my double memories, and I just don’t feel right bringing them in.”

“What about Jasper?” Harper asked, frowning. 

Raven and Bellamy exchanged looks. “Jasper was in one of my memories, and he stabbed me. It was like he didn’t want me to figure out how to save everyone. I don’t know that he’s in on all of this. But I don’t think we should risk telling him. Not yet anyway,” Raven replied. “As for what to do next, we need you both to write down all of memories and dreams. We’re trying to go through all of our journals and find common threads. We’re hoping someone remembers something someone else doesn’t. It’ll take some time to go through everything, but it’s a start. We’ll have to regroup after all that and see what we think the best plan of attack is.”

Murphy shook his head. “I’m not writing down anything. It’s a waste of time.” He stood up and started heading for the door.

“What about Emori?” Clarke asked, stopping Murphy in his tracks. “I remember her vaguely enough of my memories to remember you and her seemed pretty close. But I can’t say I’ve seen her in this world, yet. Don’t you want to get back to her?”

“Leave Emori out of this. You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Murphy turned on Clarke, his eyes narrowed on her. 

“If we can figure out how to get back to our other world, you two can be together again,” Clarke pushed, and Bellamy wondered how smart it was to push Murphy. Bellamy couldn’t say he remembered who Emori was, but she must have been important to Murphy, which was an odd thought. 

Murphy gave Clarke another hard look, but didn’t say anything. Instead he turned and walked out of the apartment. Clarke turned to Bellamy, “That could have went better.”

“He’ll come around. He just needs time,” Bellamy assured her. 

Clarke wasn’t so sure, but she didn’t argue. Instead she turned to the group and assured them they’d figure this out, but until then, they all needed to keep leading their lives like normal. They all agreed and then silently dispersed. Everyone seemed to need some space. Clarke couldn’t blame them. She and Bellamy said their goodbyes to Harper and Raven and made their way back to their apartment complex.

“Want to stay over tonight?” Bellamy asked.

“Sure, but do you mind if I come over later rather than now?” she asked. When Bellamy gave her a confused look, she continued, “I just want to go over some of the journals is all.” It was quite handy that Raven had made some copies of the journals so more than one of them could go over the journals at a time.

“Oh, sure. Let me help. It’ll give me something to do,” Bellamy offered, and Clarke appreciated the help. 

How long would it take them to get this straightened out. But how much time did they have? Clarke had the distinct impression time was running out, but she wasn’t sure how she got that feeling. How can you race against something you didn’t know existed?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you all could take a moment to comment, drop a kudos, or subscribe, I'd love you forever!


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's some sexy times in this chapter!

_ “Let me go!” she cried, trying to pull away from her captors, but they held firm. No. No. No. This couldn’t be happening. They had a plan. A good plan. How had they figured out it was all a rouse? What had happened to her friends? Were they safe? Had they gotten away? She could only hope. _

_ “You’ll be free soon enough,” Jaha, the man who had started this, told her without turning. This was all his fault. Every bit of it. How she hated him. Every time he opened his mouth, she only felt anger. She had bigger issues at the moment, and instead of focusing on the man before her, focused on the hallway. There weren’t any people posted out here, no one to appeal to. _

_ Finally, they reached the end of the hallway, and the doors opened into the throne room. It was always a jolt coming in here and not seeing Lexa up near the front of the room. It looked pretty much like it had the last time she had been there. She tried yanking free again, hoping her captors would have grown complacent. They hadn’t. Now that they’d stopped walking, their grip was almost harder.  _

_ Think, she told herself. She looked around to assess who was present when she noticed her mother walking towards her. “Clarke,” Abby smiled at her before enveloping her in a hug. Clarke wanted so much to give in and really hug her mom back. She almost did, but it was wrong. This didn’t seem right. Her mom was one of them now, and she was playing a game. “I’ve missed you.”  _

_ The men holding her arms let go and stepped back, giving mother and daughter some room.  _

_ “I won’t take the chip,” she told her mother firmly after Abby pulled back. Whatever she would try, it wouldn’t work. She wondered how they would try. Torture, probably. “Ever.” _

_ “Right now, we just need your help with the flame,” Abby told her nonchalantly. Like she was asking Clarke what her favorite color was, or telling her that the sky was blue. It was like she wasn’t asking Clarke to doom all of humanity. “What’s the passphrase, Clarke?” _

_ Clarke held her mother’s gaze. They had to have known she wasn’t going to give in right away.  _

_ “Stubborn- like her mother.” Jaha commented. She wanted to punch him in his stupid face. _

_ Before she could do anything, hands grabbed her arms and strapped her into a contraption that wouldn’t let her move any of her limbs. Were they going to shove the chip down her throat? Clarke wondered as she tried to fight them off. She tried calling out to her mom, hoping that a part of her was still in there. Abby only looked at her with disinterest before going to her doctor’s bag and pulling out her instruments. Abby ran her hands over a couple options before settling on a scalpel knife. _

_ Breathing in and out, Clarke shifted, trying to see how much give her constraints had. Barely any. She knew they wouldn’t kill her. She was too valuable, but her mother could make this hurt. She was a doctor, so who knows what Allie would have her do only to heal her. They could continue for a never ending cycle. The thought was less than comforting, but she wouldn’t break. She couldn’t. _

_ “What’s the passphrase, Clarke?” Abby asked, holding up the scalpel before Clarke’s chest. When Clarke refused to comply, Abby plunged the knife into her daughter’s chest without blinking an eye.  _

_ She had to believe her mother was still in there somewhere fighting to get out. Her mother wouldn’t do this to her; she would never be okay with this. Clarke tried to talk to her, to remind her that Clarke still believed in her, to give her mother- the one that was buried deep behind the chip- hope. But as Abby plunged the scalpel into Clarke’s chest again with the same cold indifference, Clarke’s faith in her mother began to waiver. Abby was gone and no amount of pleading was going to bring her back. _

_ The pain was intense and precise, and Clarke couldn’t help crying out from it. She could handle this. She would bare the pain so no one else would have to. She could protect them if it meant taking this. She couldn’t help wondering how long this was going to last.  _

_ Tears rolled down Clarke’s cheeks, but she held her mother’s gaze.  _

_ She didn’t go for a third stabbing. Instead, she said, “I told you. Her friends are her weakness.”  _

_ Clarke’s heart dropped. No. A pain worse than what her mom had just done to her settled in the pit of her stomach. She couldn’t move, couldn’t convince her mother not to do this. She could only look on in pure horror. _

_ “Start with Bellamy Blake.” _

 

* * *

Clarke woke with a start, shooting up in bed. Chest heaving, she ran a hand through her hair, getting caught in the tangles. Clutching her chest, she made herself breath in and then out in a two second rhythm to slow her heart rate. 

“Clarke?” a sleep addled voice broke through the silence, and Bellamy sat up. He rubbed at his eyes, yawning.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you. Just a bad dream,” she told him, pulling her knees up to her chest.

Bellamy frowned, “Do you want to talk about it?” he started rubbing circles into her back soothingly. 

She shook her head. I think I had one of my dream visions. One I haven’t had before, but it’s bad, Bellamy. Really bad,” she looked over at him, the light from the street lamp outside shown through the blinds, casting Bellamy’s face in weird shadows. 

“Whatever it is, we’ll figure it out.”

“My mom’s in on this, Bell,” she whispered. Her mother wasn’t home tonight, working an overnight shift at the hospital. Clarke was thankful, unsure if she’d be able to look her mother in the eyes for awhile after this. 

Dark brows furrowed, “What do you mean? What did you see?”

Taking a deep breath, she stretched her legs out, and pulled Bellamy back to laying in the bed. Clarke nuzzled into his chest, wrapping her arm around his stomach, breathing him in. Bellamy was surprised, but he wrapped her up in his arms. She needed to feel him, to know it was going to be okay.

“My mom tortured me. She looked me straight in the eyes, and it was like she never even saw me. Like I wasn’t her daughter, just some obstacle to overcome.”

Unsure of what to say, Bellamy just held her tighter. What could he say? That was going to be okay? That she was safe? It was just a dream? It wasn’t okay that her mom did that; she was only going to be safe for the moment; it was real. Anything he thought to say sounded like a lie, and he couldn’t bring himself to give her false hope. That’s not what they were about.

“That’s not even the worst of it, though,” she told him.

Worse than her own mother torturing her?

“I wouldn’t give them the passcode that they wanted, though I’m not sure what the passcode is to. I wasn’t about to give it up, either. But then she said to go get you. She was going to torture you next, and it was the worst feeling in the world.”

“I’m sorry,” he murmured against her hair, kissing her on the top of her head. 

“I need to write down everything I remember,” she said. So matter-of-fact. She gave him one last squeeze before rolling over and grabbing her notebook from the bedside table. Grabbing a pen from the drawer, she turned to the next blank page and started writing. 

Bellamy didn’t say anything, he just scooted closer to her, spooning her from behind. As she wrote, he ran his arm along her shoulder, down over arm, back up to the shoulder, down her side until his hand landed at her hip. There, he massaged gentle circles in her skin. When she let out a little moan of approval, he rearranged himself to massage her back. He couldn’t make the situation better, but he could make her feel better. 

Finally, she finished writing, but she didn’t move right away, relishing the feel of Bellamy’s hands on her skin. His calloused hands along her smooth skin felt like magic, like his finger tips emitted electricity. She moaned her approval, letting him continue on for a moment longer before she turned and rolled into him. His arms automatically wrapped around her waist to hold her to him. 

“I’m right here,” he whispered against her hair. 

“I love you. You know that, right?” she told him, pulling back enough to look him in the eyes.

He smiled, “I love you, too.”

She leaned up, pressing her lips to his in a chaste kiss., though it didn’t stay innocent for very long. Soon, Clarke rolled Bellamy onto his back, bringing her leg up and over him so that she was straddling his lap. She deepened the kiss, enjoying the taste of Bellamy. Clarke’s hands were in Bellamy’s hair, tugging gently. Bellamy moaned at the sensation, pushing up against her. 

Clarke broke apart, kissing along Bellamy’s jaw and neck, inching her body lower, kissing along his chest, his stomach before finally she was stopped by the waistline of his boxers. 

“Clarke, we don’t have to do this- if you’re still worried about the dream,” Bellamy assured her, ever considerate. 

“I want this. Do you want this?” Clarke replied.

“Yes,” Bellamy said.

“Good.” With that, she pulled Bellamy’s boxers down his legs and discarded them on the floor. Bellamy was already hard and ready, but Clarke wanted to play a little first. She ran her hands softly, teasingly from his ankles up his calves and down his inner thighs to his crotch but not touching him where he really wanted before her feather light touch went back up to his knees. 

It felt so good.

She leaned down and kissed him from his knee and down towards his stomach, her fingers trailing behind her. She went up the other leg, relishing the feel of his muscles tensing beneath her. Finally, she reached out a hand to touch ever so softly along his length. Up then down a few times before cupping him. Bellamy sucked in a breathe, and that was Clarke’s cue to take him into her mouth.

There were few things in life Bellamy enjoyed more than this. She was so fucking good. Or maybe it was so good because it was with her. Probably both. Suddenly she was using her mouth and her hand. Groaning, he couldn’t help the bucking of his hips. He wanted to do so many things to her. At this rate, he wasn’t going to last much longer. “Clarke, as much as I enjoy this, I want to be able to fuck you, and I won’t be able to if you carry on for much longer.” 

She pulled back, grinning. “I do want you to fuck me.”

“But first,” Bellamy sat up and threw Clarke back onto her back, shoving her legs apart, and he dove right in. His mouth found her clit, sucking on it, rolling it around with his tongue, knowing what would get Clarke off. He reached up with one hand, finding her breast and rolling a nipple between his fingers. After a few moments, he pulled his hand back to inset his finger into her. She was so wet, so ready for him, he was put in two fingers, pumping them into her as his tongue continued to work the clit.

The orgasm crashed over Clarke, and she felt it through her whole body. Sated, her body went limp and pliant under Bellamy. Grinning, he pushed up her body to give her a kiss before he reached over into her bedside table to pull out a condom. Rolling it on, it turned his attention back to Clarke, moving between her legs.

Clarke reached down between them and helped Bellamy align himself with her entrance. Pushing into her, she wondered if this would never not feel so amazing. Wrapping her legs around Bellamy’s waist, Bellamy started out slow and gentle, kissing Clarke along her jaw and nibbled on her ear lobe.

Needing more friction, Clarke rolled her hips, spurring him on faster, and Bellamy quickened the pace. He pushed up so he was hovering over her, bringing a hand to Clarke’s clit, wanting her to get off a second time. It didn’t take long before she crested and fell into oblivion. Bellamy’s thrusts became quicker, more sporadic and then he followed behind her.

Panting, Bellamy leaned in for another kiss before rolling off of her and going into the bathroom to get rid of the condom and to clean up. He came back to lay beside Clarke, who rolled into his chest, content and happy. 

They fell asleep, both so satisfied they didn’t dream.

* * *

“So we need to make sure we’re extra careful about what we’re talking about in front of your mom,” Raven nodded, handing out a tray of cheese and crackers. When Clarke gave her a weird look, Raven shrugged, “It was this or a bag of stale marshmallows.”

Clarke nodded and reached for a cracker. “Fair enough. My mom’s been acting normal this entire time, though. How can that be? Wouldn’t she be acting robotic and distant like before?” Raven plopped down on the couch next to Clarke, looking contemplative. 

“Not necessarily,” Octavia replied as she shifted so that she was sitting cross legged in their sofa chair. “Things don’t work here quite the same way. Wherever this world is, it functions differently than the real world. I mean, in the real world, there are no skyscrapers or suburbs like this. Lincoln exists here, but he doesn’t exist in the real world.”

“How is that by the way?” Harper cut in from her perch on the floor, across the coffee table from the couch. “Sorry, I know it’s a touchy subject. But how come he exists here but no one else…. In the same situation is?” She looked embarrassed that she even had to ask. It had to be a hard conversation to have with Octavia. 

The four girls looked at each other and shrugged. “Not sure,” Octavia said. 

“The next question is who else is in on with Abby?” said Raven. 

“The only people I know she talks about regularly are Jaha, who I can confirm is in on this, Kane, and Jackson. It hurts to even think that Kane or Jackson could be in on this,” Clarke told them. Kane was so good to her mother, and he practically raised Bellamy and Octavia. She didn’t know Jackson all that well, but he’d always been good to her. It was hard to believe anyone could be working against them like this.

“We need to follow them,” Octavia suggested. The girls all exchanged looks, but ultimately agreed. “There’s four of them. There’s four of us. We should split up into groups with the guys and follow them for a few days- discreetly! We don’t want them knowing we know anything at all about them.”

The girls nodded their heads in agreement. Clarke finally said, “I think Bellamy and I can be a team, Harper and Monty, Octavia and Miller, and Raven can go with Murphy.” 

The girls all nodded, although Raven looked irked she had been paired up with Murphy. The two weren’t the best of friends, Clarke knew, but it would be good for them both. And if it went really poorly, Clarke could step in and go with Murphy, or switch up the groups. It’d be easy enough. They were all grown adults. They could handle this. 

The idea of spying on her own mother was unsettling. The realization that her mom was one of   _ them  _ hurt more than she thought it would. She’d had a strained relationship with her mother, but Abby was still her mom. The only family she had left. Clarke didn’t know what would cause her mother to act the way she did in her memory/dream, but she knew that wasn’t Abby. Not really.

“Now that the serious talk is out of the way, let’s order a pizza since Raven and Harper don’t have any real food,” Octavia said, reaching for her phone. 

“Hey, I supplied snacks,” Raven reminded her. “Make sure you order extra cheese.”

“Like I even need to be reminded,” Octavia scoffed. 

“I get to pick the movie this time,” Harper insisted as she moved over to the rack of movies and searched for the best one. “Let’s watch Wonder Woman. It’s always great seeing a woman kick butt.”

“Yes!” everyone said simultaneously. 

Clarke settled into the couch, and Raven propped her feet on Clarke’s lap. Octavia continued ordering their pizzas online as she shifted so that her legs draped over the arm of the chair. Harper moved from the floor to the other sofa chair. They all settled in as the movie started. 

When Clarke thought about going back to the real world, it was things like this that made it so hard to want to go back. There’d be no more Netflix and Chill or pizza. There’d be no more comfortable and safety. They would be in a constant state of trying to survive once they got back. So many of these modern comforts would be gone, and Clarke knew it would be hard as hell to figure out how to go back to living with the basics again, fighting for their right to live.

But that’s what they’d do. They were a bunch of fighters, and they weren’t going to stay because it was the easy choice. They’d go back to where they belong because it was what was best, what was real, what was genuine. It would be hard, but they’d be together. They’d figure out a way to not only survive but to thrive.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you could take a moment to drop a comment, kudos, and/or subscribe, I'd greatly appreciate it!


	17. Chapter 17

“I still feel weird about this,” Bellamy told Clarke as they crossed the street. The hospital where Clarke and Abby worked loomed in front of them. It was the best hospital in the city, and Clarke felt proud to be working there. It was a good hospital- even if it wasn’t real. 

Nodding in agreement, Clarke said, “I know how you feel. I mean, she’s my mom, but I don’t know what else to do. If you have any better ideas, I’ll gladly take them.” When Bellamy didn’t say anything, she continued. “It’s a necessary evil.” 

There was a fog surrounding them that morning, making the hospital look more sinister than it really was.. It was a little chilly out, but the breeze felt good on their faces. Nothing woke Clarke up like a warm cup of coffee and a crisp breeze against her cheeks. She’d finished her coffee a couple blocks back, where Bellamy had parked his vehicle so that Abby wouldn’t be able to recognize it being out front of the hospital.

Bellamy sighed but didn’t disagree with her. “I just don’t know how feasible this is going to be. I mean, I have today off, so it works out, but what are we going to do tomorrow when we work the same shift?” He shoved his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket, hiding his face in the collar. 

She shrugged. “My mom and I work the same schedule all week.” So she should stay at the hospital all day. And after work, I can follow her discreetly. You can meet up with me wherever we end up.” They’d stopped walking and were facing the building.

Bellamy nodded, though he still didn’t seem to like the idea. Clarke reached for his hand in the jacket pocket and squeezed it reassuringly. “I’ll come out on my lunch.” She reached up on tiptoe to give him a kiss on the cheek. With that, she turned and made her way into the hospital. 

Bellamy watched her go in before he turned and found the closest coffee shop with the best view of the hospital. He grabbed a coffee and hunkered down in the back against the window. He’d brought a book, but he wasn’t sure just how much reading he’d be able to get done. He ended up staring out the window for the majority of the morning.

Clarke didn’t like having to follow her own mother any more than Bellamy did. She probably hated it more. This was her mother. She still couldn’t believe her mother was one of the bad guy. The sooner they could get to the bottom of this, the better.  Sighing, Clarke hurried off to begin her shift.

The day passed uneventfully. While Clarke and Abby worked in the same hospital, they didn’t actually work on the same floor nor did they see much of each other throughout the day. Every once and awhile Abby would stop down to check up on Clarke, sometimes they’d have lunch together. Today was not one of the days Abby stopped by to check in. Clarke was a little disappointed, though she didn’t know what was going to come of her stopping by. Nothing out of the ordinary came up that morning.

Clarke hurried out of the building to have lunch with Bellamy on one of the park benches on the grounds. He didn’t have anything to report other than his immense boredom. He had been too worried he’d miss something if he actually read, so he ended up only getting through a couple pages total. He never saw Abby leave, which seemed a bit farfetched anyway. She did actually work at the hospital, and if she was going to do something shady, it wouldn’t be during work hours anyway.

After lunch, they went their separate ways again. 

By the end of her shift, Clarke still didn’t have anything else to report, nor did Bellamy. They followed Abby discreetly to the grocery store and then back her and Clarke’s apartment. Clarke gave Bellamy a goodbye kiss and disappeared into the apartment several minutes after her mother. Clarke could hear the shower going in the bathroom connected to her mom’s room. Looking around, she saw her mom had dropped her bag on the sofa chair. Grabbing it, she rummaged through its contents, finding nothing other than her mom’s laptop and some miscellaneous papers. 

The laptop might be useful, but Clarke had no idea how to hack into it. She was no Raven or Monty. Nor did she think she had much time to actually do anything should she get in, so she left the computer where it was. 

She had no idea what she was looking for, but she was sure whatever it was wasn’t going to be in her mom’s bag. It was all legitimately work related. Sighing, she put the bag back where she found it, and disappeared into her room to contemplate her next move. Her mom popped in awhile later to say hi and ask how Clarke’s day had been before she left Clarke to her own devices. Clarke could hear her making supper, and so she went back out to help out. She had to act like nothing had changed, too, so she figured she’d better do her part. No matter how much she might not want to even look at her mom at the moment. 

After supper, Abby went to bed and never left her room until they both had to head off to work. 

* * *

This continued for about a week and a half. No one had had any luck following anyone they suspected of being involved in this. They’d hit another dead end, and no one quite knew how to continue on. So they stopped shadowing people until they could come up with a better idea. It was getting exhausting for people to keep up with anyway. No one else had the convenience of living with their target. 

Monty was hanging out with Harper and Jasper, a typical Friday night. They’d put in a movie, and the boys were annoying Harper by quoting most of the dialogue. Harper thought it was funny in the beginning, but by the end of the movie, she was less than impressed. “You guys are impossible,” she muttered, stifling a yawn. “I think I’m going to head to bed. Goodnight, Jasper.” With that, she got up and headed into Monty’s room, leaving the boys alone.

Monty and Jasper smiled at each other before Monty got up and began picking up the beer bottles and empty cookie packages. It was hard for Monty to pretend everything was okay between him and his best friend. They used to be inseparable. What one of them was thinking, the other knew without having to ask. They were as connected as two people could be. 

Sure, they had their arguments and fought sometimes, but it was like fighting between brothers. Neither could stay mad at the other for very long. But Monty could remember what had happened to Jasper after Maya died, the anger and the hurt that clouded Jasper’s eyes as he looked at Monty accusingly. He knew Jasper blamed him in part for Maya’s death. In the other world, their friendship had splintered, and Monty wasn’t sure how they were going to fix it. It was easier in this world. They were back to how they used to be. 

Jasper followed Monty into the kitchen to help clean up from supper. “You doing okay?” Jasper asked Monty. 

“What? Yeah, of course. Why?” Monty nodded, busying himself with recycling the bottles. 

Jasper just shrugged, “Something just seems off. We don’t really talk like we used to.”

Monty frowned, “What do you mean? We talk all the time. Perks of being roommates.”

“No, I mean, we don’t talk about the important stuff anymore,” Jasper said. “Like, do you still have those dreams you were telling me about? Like the one of you killing your own mother?”

Monty didn’t say anything as he finished cleaning up the counter. Finally he turned to Jasper and lied, “I haven’t had that dream in a while. Maybe I’ve come to terms with it?” He’d had that same dream just the night before. He was beginning to wonder if he’d ever be able to dream of anything else.

“Really?” Jasper sounded skeptical, but he didn’t press it any more. Finally, he said, “I feel like we don’t hang out as much anymore, and I just don’t want us to drift apart.”

Monty met Jasper’s gaze, “I’ve just been busy at work and hanging with Harper. I’ll try to be more conscientious about my time here with you.” 

Jasper didn’t seem convinced, but he just nodded. Satisfied that everything was as clean as it was gonna get, he disappeared into his room, leaving Monty staring after him. 

Trying to analyze the situation, Monty tried to piece together if he thought Jasper acted differently tonight that he ever used to. He thought it was weird that Jasper was pushing the issue, but not totally out of the realm of possibility. Sighing, Monty washed his hands before heading to his own room where he could wrap his arms around Harper and they could forget their problems. 

* * *

The one thing Bellamy wouldn’t miss once they got back to the real world was having to do all this paperwork. He’d burn it all if he could. Instead, he grabbed one file at a time and typed up the needed reports like the good, little employee he was. He glanced up to see what everyone else was doing. Murphy and Miller were typing away on their computers, too. Murphy was on his fifth cup of coffee that morning compared to Miller’s two and his one. 

Thankfully, it was a quiet day so far. Bellamy was glad for the relative quiet as it was a nice change of pace for them for a change. They all seemed to be on the move so much lately, trying to get things done with work on top of their secret duties off work. It left little time to get anything done or to think about much of anything. 

Murphy’s phone rang, cutting through the silence startling Bellamy, which made Miller snicker at him. Bellamy glared at his friend as Murphy answered it. Frowning, Murphy hung up the phone and got up, heading back out towards the front desk. Bellamy and Miller exchanged glances but didn’t think much of it. Murphy could tell them about it when he got back.

He wasn’t gone for too long. Only about five minutes or so. When Murphy came back, he wasn’t alone. There was a girl in dark attire with him. She had a wool hat over her black hair, but she was striking in that she had a tattoo on half of her face. Bellamy wasn’t sure he’d seen that before in anyone here. 

“Guys, this is Emori,” Murphy told them, and suddenly it clicked for him.

Clarke had said something about Emori, though he still wasn’t sure how she knew about her. Emori was quiet, choosing to just stare at the ground than at either Bellamy or Miller. 

“Who is she?” Miller asked what Bellamy had wanted to know. He and Bellamy stood up and rounded their desks.

Murphy looked uncertain as he said, “In the other world, she was my girlfriend, I guess you could say.” It was almost cute watching Murphy being so unsure. He was rubbing the back of his neck, and glancing at Emori like he was worried she’d contradict him. But she didn’t. Instead she smiled up at him.

“Where have you been this whole time?” Bellamy asked, finding it odd that she shows up right as everyone’s figuring out this world was fake. 

“Bellamy,” Murphy warned him.

“John, it’s okay,” Emori said. “I’ve been a couple towns over. I was having these weird visions that told me to come here, so I did.”

Bellamy wasn’t sure he bought it, but she did seem genuine towards Murphy. “So now what?” Miller asked. 

“She doesn’t have any place to stay here, so I’m going to bring her back to my place. Shouldn’t we call a meeting or whatever and get her brought up to speed about everything?” Murphy asked. 

Bellamy wasn’t sure that was a good idea at all, but he said, “I’ll talk to Clarke and Raven and see when works best.”

Murphy nodded before turning and ushering Emori back out towards the front. Miller and Bellamy watched through the window as the two got into Murphy’s cruiser and drove away. “This seems like odd timing,” Miller said, breaking the silence.

“That’s what I thought, too,” he agreed, pulling out his phone. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to bring her in on this, but Murphy knows a lot about everything we’re doing, so we have to assume she’s going to know everything we know up to this point. We’ll need to get together and figure out where to go from here.”

Miller nodded before going back to his desk. “I’ll let you two figure it out. Just let me know what the plan is.”

Bellamy sighed as he headed into the breakroom to call Clarke. Having another obstacle in their way wasn’t doing them any favors. Whoever had done this obviously knew they were all onto what was really going on, and if they sent in someone to get on the inside, it seemed they were on the right path. 

At least there was some good news in all this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one is a bit shorter than the previous ones have been. But I hope you enjoyed nonetheless! 
> 
> Let me know what you think! Pretty please!


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was doing so well updating every Friday night. And then I moved. So here's the next chapter. I'm hoping to be back on track with the next chapter out Friday night per usual. Enjoy!

_ Since being on the ground, there were so many things he regretted, so many things he wished he could take back. So many people died because of his stupid choices, but he’d done all of it to keep Octavia and himself safe. They were supposed to be all each other had. For sixteen years, Bellamy was the only one there for Octavia, but she’d thrived down here on the ground in a way he hadn’t. It hurt knowing she didn’t really need him anymore- hadn’t for a while. _

_ Siding with Pike was just another thing to add to the long list of things he regretted down to his very soul that he would never get redemption for. He still had nightmares of those three hundred grounders he helped murder in cold blood. They’d been there to protect them, and he’d helped slaughter them all. He had helped further the hate and distrust on both sides. Because of him. Because he had wanted things to be so clear- so black and white. He had wanted to be the good guy while the grounders the bad guys. He had made himself believe he was doing the right thing by his people. _

_ How wrong he was. _

_ He would have to live with his decisions. So many others didn’t even give that option. _

_ Bellamy closed his eyes and dropped his head back against the cave wall. The guilt never went away. It just compounded so that it constricted his heart so much he thought he wouldn’t be able to breath. But he kept on breathing. He kept on screwing up. He kept on living. Letting a tear fall from his eye, he didn’t wipe it away. He didn’t deserve to feel while all those people lay in graves. _

_ He heard voices outside the cave. They were back. He noted the new people with them as they came in and was glad they were safe. He allowed himself to feel relief that they were all okay. But then he made eye contact with Kane, and the guilt he’d been feeling only heightened, squashing any good feeling he’d allowed up.  The look of disappointment shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did, not when he already felt so low, but it did. He wondered how he’d be able to rebuild that respect. _

_ He noticed Lincoln was missing and that Octavia was pointedly avoiding looking at him. She wouldn’t have just left him behind.  “Where’s Lincoln?” He had his suspicions, but he had to ask. Had to know. _

_ Octavia drew in a deep breath, “Pike put a bullet in his brain.” She was trying to be strong, but he could hear the waver in her voice before the grief just took over. She dropped her head, still refusing to look at him, sobs racking her shoulders. _

_ His heart shattered a little more. It had broken more times than he could count. How was there anything left to break? Lincoln had been the love of his little sister’s life, and he knew Lincoln treasured her like the sun and the stars. “O’...” Words left him. What could he possibly say? “O’, I am so sorry.” _

_ He barely got the words out, as cliché and unhelpful as they were, before Octavia’s fist flew at him, catching him off guard. Not that he could have defended himself if he wanted, being tied up like he was. But he didn’t really want to. Everyone got up; everyone watched, unsure of what to do. The silence thick between them all. _

_ Bellamy couldn’t believe Octavia had hit him, that she would purposefully try to hurt him. He glanced up at her seeing it in her eyes that she blamed him. She thought all of this was his doing. The pain and deep-seated rage building behind her eyes terrified him. She pulled back her arm and punched him again.  Blood trickled out of his mouth, a deep red. _

_ Kane stepped forward, “Octavia, that’s enough.” _

_ “Kane,” Bellamy warned him, holding his hands up feebly. This was his punishment for everything he had done. He wasn’t responsible for Lincoln’s death, and the thought that Octavia thought he was pained him, twisted his stomach up into a tight coil. But he had betrayed all their trust, and he would take this. Let Octavia expend some pent-up rage and let him feel better for everything he had done. He was honestly surprised no one had done this sooner-for something he actually deserved.  “Stay out of this.” _

_ Kane didn’t argue, just cringed when Octavia took the opportunity to hit him again and again. Sobs broke through her, her breathing labored. He could see it in her eyes that she wasn’t enjoying this, this wasn’t making her feel better. In fact, she wasn’t feeling at all as she kicked him in the face, and Bellamy wondered if she’d broken his nose. His face throbbed, and he wondered if he’d ever stop hurting. _

_ “That’s enough,” Miller finally stepped in, unable to stomach the sight, but Octavia pushed him away. _

_ “Miller, back off,” Bellamy told him. Let her get this out of her system. He appreciated Miller stepping in, though he’d never admit it aloud. He appreciated how much Miller always had his back. The closest friend he had here. Even after everything. _

_ She hit him again until he fell, and his body wouldn’t let him get back up. He’d been tortured and beaten before. But this was worse. When he turned to look at Octavia, the anguish, the pain, the betrayal was almost too much to bare. “You’re dead to me,” she spat out.  And with that, she turned her back on him and walked out. Bellamy wondered briefly if she’d even come back. How would he repair this? How could he make her see? Everything he did, he did for her, with the best of intentions in mind. _

_ He thought of a phrase he had seen somewhere, unable to recall from where at the moment: I, myself, am made up entirely of flaws stitched together by good intentions. _

_ He had never realized how true those words actually were. _

* * *

It was a routine they were getting used to. Sad, but true. One or both of them would shoot up in the middle of the night, nightmares plaguing them, trying desperately to catch their breaths. They’d come together in an embrace and lay together. Sometimes they’d make love to remind each other that they were together, that there was something good in the world, that they could be happy. In those moments, they could forget everything that was waiting for them outside their room.

One would think the nightmares would lose their edge after so many times of having the same one, but it didn’t. It was just as bad as the first time. Bellamy wondered what demons he had that he couldn’t remember. He wondered how he could possibly feel any worse about himself, but he knew there was other things he had done that he couldn’t remember, yet. Memories he wasn’t sure he wanted.

He turned his head and glanced over at Clarke. She was sleeping on her side, facing him. Her hair a wild mess around her face, some of it obscuring his view, so he reached out and pushed the strands from her face, tucking them behind her ear. She didn’t snore per say, but her breathing was loud. He smiled. She meant so much to him. Even in the real world, with his hazy memories, he knew they meant something to each other even if they weren’t together there, not like they are here. Here, they were a unit, a team. She was as important to him as Octavia.

In the real world, they had a special bond that was built over weeks of distrust. He tried to remember exactly when that distrust turned into something like respect. He couldn’t pinpoint the moment exactly, but he knew it was when he finally got his head out of his ass and saw that while she was one of the privileged, she worked just as hard as the rest of them to make sure they survived- harder even. She’d been through hell and back and survived.

They’d survived together.

Bellamy took a deep breath. He had the day off, and he knew his sister did as well. He was going to have to Octavia about this dream. He needed to know if she still blamed him for Lincoln’s death, talk about what she had done. The only good thing about this world was that it gave them each some perspective. They could look back on their real lives, know it was real, but until they got there, it didn’t actually feel real. Not yet.

Glancing at the clock, Bellamy noted that it was too early to actually get up. So, he turned onto his side, facing Clarke and slowly woke her up with his ministrations.

* * *

“Should we talk about this?” Lincoln asked Octavia as they sat at their breakfast table eating the eggs and sausage Lincoln had prepared and the toast Octavia had buttered. Lazy Sunday mornings were Octavia’s favorite, especially when she was staying with Lincoln.

“No,” she said with finality, finding her eggs suddenly so interesting as she shoveled them into her mouth.

Lincoln sighed, but stayed silent, moving his own food around on his plate.

Octavia glanced up, sighed, and said, “I just don’t want to think about it.”

Lincoln glanced up and met her gaze. “I know you don’t. But I’m not really there on the other side, and I think it’s time you started accepting that rather than pretending it’s not going to be an issue.”

“You want to talk about the fact that you’re not real?” Octavia asked, not caring if it hurt to hear her say it so bluntly. He was the one that wanted to talk about this, which hurt her.

“I want to talk about how it happened. I know you blame Bellamy, but it’s not his fault what happened,” Lincoln told her so matter-of-factly.

“I know,” she whispered. “I mean, in the real world I blamed him. I was so angry. I thought that he was the catalyst. If he wouldn’t have sided with Pike, things would have been different.”

“Maybe, but I was the one that chose to stay behind. Bellamy wasn’t even there for that mission. I very well could have gone with you and escaped,” Lincoln told her calmly. She wondered how it felt to be talking about his own death, how it felt to know you didn’t exist in the real world.

“But you could have!” her voice becoming louder. “Why didn’t you?”

“I did what I thought was right.”

“Why is it every time someone does what they think is right, someone ends up dead?” Octavia whispered.

Lincoln pushed his plate back and scooted his chair closer to Octavia. “You are so strong and fierce and wise. You might not be able to understand the decision, but you need to respect that it was my decision and Bellamy had nothing to do with it.”

She nodded, knowing he was right. She’d known for quite a while now. She’d been so overcome with grief that she’d looked for the nearest scapegoat. It didn’t make what she did to her brother right, and she knew she needed to talk to him and set the record straight between them. Things were good in this world between them, the dark memories bottled up and when they came back, neither really seemed inclined to talk to the other about it. But the more she held it in, the further apart they’d grow. He was her only family left.

“This is why I need you,” Octavia told him. “I need your voice of reason reminding me of what’s right.”

They leaned in towards each other, resting their foreheads together. “I’m only reminding you of what you already know,” he assured her before tilting her head with his fingers, so he could kiss her deep and slow.

* * *

“Thanks for having lunch with me, O’,” Bellamy told his sister after they’d finished eating at the diner down the street. It was their place. Bellamy and Octavia used to go anytime one of them was having a bad day. For a while, they visited a lot.

“Of course,” she nodded, taking a sip of the chocolate shake she had ordered. “What did you want to talk about?” she asked him.

“What makes you think I wanted to talk about something?” he asked, feigning offense.

“You know as well as I do that we only come here when we have something serious to discuss or one of us is having a bad day. I suppose you could have had a bad day, but knowing you, I’m banking on the serious talk,” she shrugged.

Bellamy smiled. “You caught me.”

“So, spill it,” Octavia told him. She figured after he got whatever it was he wanted to say out of the way, she could talk about the nightmares that had been plaguing her for months now. Maybe whatever his serious thing was would be worse than her thing, and it wouldn’t be so hard to talk about.

Bellamy suddenly looked uncomfortable in the booth, shifting and moving about trying to get himself resituated and comfy. “I’m not really sure how to say this. It’s not easy to talk about,” he told her, suddenly avoiding eye contact with her.

Concerned, Octavia sat up straighter, leaning forward to grab Bellamy’s hand on the tabletop. “Bell, it’s okay. You know you can tell me anything.” She gave his hand a squeeze comfortingly.

He nodded, “I’ve been having these nightmares of something that happened to us. About what happened right after Lincoln died.”

Octavia frowned, pulling her hand back. How could it be about the same thing she was going to talk to him about?

“I know that’s sort of a sore subject for you, and I wouldn’t bring it up if this wasn’t important,” Bellamy assured her. “Do you remember what happened in that cave?” his voice was practically a whisper.

Octavia closed her eyes against the pain. Of course, she remembered what she did. That moment followed her around, plaguing her. “I do,” she nodded, waiting to see what Bellamy had to say about the matter.

“I just… I really think we need to talk about it. I know you blame me for Lincoln’s death. But that wasn’t my fault,” he said quickly, trying so hard to get it all out. Word vomit. He just needed to say it, to get it out in the open for Octavia to do something with it.

Octavia stared down at her hands clasped together in her lap, her knuckles were turning white, from squeezing her hands together so hard. “I know,” she told him. “I know.”

Bellamy glanced up in surprise, but he didn’t say anything.

“Anything I have to say about it just seems like an excuse. I needed to find someone else to blame. And you were just an easy target. I was so angry and full of these horrible emotions. I was mad at myself, and I was mad at Lincoln for staying behind and not coming with me. And you had been supporting Pike. I just took all of that out on you, which wasn’t right, wasn’t fair.” She glanced up then, looking Bellamy dead in the eye. “I’m so sorry, Bell. You didn’t deserve what I did to you.”

“I did deserve that. For a lot of things,” Bellamy confessed. “But not for Lincoln. I never wanted him to get hurt- I liked Lincoln. But I let you hit me because I regretted so many of my actions while on the ground. I hoped that if I let you keep going, it would help ease the guilt. It didn’t,” he shook his head. “I still feel it.”

“We’ve both done things we regret,” Octavia said. “But I just want you to know, I don’t blame you anymore. I know all you’ve ever done, you did it with the best intentions. I’m sorry I blamed you and hit you. What I did wasn’t okay. I know that.”

“Apology accepted.” Bellamy smiled warily at her. “I thought this would be a lot harder.”

She nodded her head in agreement, “So did I. But I suppose this is what should have happened back then, huh? Hindsight and all that.”

“We’re different people on the ground than who we are here. Who we are and who we need to be to survive are two different things. I’d like to believe that since we aren’t fighting for our lives here, our true selves are coming out,” he told her.

She smiled, nodding her head. “Ya. I think so, too.”

“Want to go home and play some Smash Brothers or something?” Bellamy asked.

Octavia got up, “Let’s do it.”

They stopped at the front counter to pay and then headed out the front door. Bellamy put an arm around Octavia’s shoulder, squeezing her affectionately, glad things had been set right between them. While growing up, they’d only ever had each other and their mother for a short period of time. But things had been different between them for the last few months, but this conversation was bringing back that normalcy they usually had between them.

“Look at us being adults and communicating,” Bellamy joked.

Octavia laughed, and it hit Bellamy how long it had been since he’d heard a real laugh from her. “It’s pretty great, isn’t it?”

He smiled, “Yes. It really is.”

As they headed back to their apartment, Octavia asked, “Have you talked to Murphy lately? How’s he and Emori doing?” They disentangled and were walking almost in sync.

Bellamy shook his head, “I haven’t spoken to him in the last couple days. I thought some space until we figure out what we all want to do about it would be best. I’m not sure what we want to tell Murphy, if anything.”

“I feel bad for Murphy,” Octavia told him. “He found someone he really likes, but she might be working for our mysterious enemy. The guy is one of the least lucky people I’ve ever met.”

Bellamy chuckled, “The guy’s definitely been through a lot.” They rounded the corner, their apartment coming into view. “I’ll talk to Clarke tonight. I’m sure there will be a big meeting set up between everyone to get it all figured out.”

Octavia bobbed her head up and down. “We better do it sooner rather than later. I feel like time is not on our side here.”

Bellamy glanced at his sister. How funny she was mirroring thoughts he himself had been thinking for awhile but hadn’t voiced aloud, afraid that if he said it, it’d be true. How could they possibly fight an enemy they didn’t know, one they couldn’t see? They’d figure it out.

They had to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Comments, kudos, and subscriptions are much appreciated!


	19. Chapter 19

He’d only meant to close his eyes for a moment, but when he opened his eyes again and found himself staring into Clarke’s bright blue eyes, he knew he’d actually fallen asleep. He smiled sheepishly up at her. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I promise your dreams aren’t boring.” He’d been pouring over the dream journals. Glancing up at the clock on his wall, he saw it was well after midnight.

If he could wake up every day looking into those eyes, it’d be the best thing he could possibly think of. Clarke’s eyes were the windows into her soul. He could always tell what emotion she was trying to squash, what she was really thinking. They were the clearest blue, the brightest color he’d ever seen. Like ice and fire mixed together. Her eyes were his favorite color.

Clarke returned the smile, pecking him on the lips with a kiss before she plopped down on the couch beside him. “You’ve had some long couple weeks. I get it. You don’t need to justify yourself.” She grabbed the journal from him to see how far he had gotten. “I had to get away from my mom. She’s been absurdly clingy lately.”

“What do you mean?” Bellamy asked, sitting up straighter, and composing himself as best he could, trying to brush off some lint from his shirt.

“Like, she wants to do everything with me. Lunch, dinner, breakfast. She wants to know where I’m going, who I’m going to be with. It’s the usual stuff, but amplified by like ten. She keeps saying she needs help with the wedding planning, so it’s like she never wants me to leave. It’s usually pretty subtle, but because I know her so well, I know she’s really anxious,” Clarke replied. She grabbed Bellamy’s legs and pulled them onto her lap where she began massaging his calves.

Bellamy wondered if he wasn’t the luckiest guy in the whole world. “Sounds like typical wedding jitters,” Bellamy suggested. “So much stuff left at the end- more than she probably thought.”

Nodding her head in agreement, she continued rubbing Bellamy’s legs. She felt like her mom was being more nosy than normal. Was it related to the dreams and memories? Did she know what they were up to and was checking in? Were they getting closer to finding an answer, and Abby was trying to distract her from realizing it? Clarke would have to keep playing the game and see where it led.

“Clarke,” Bellamy said her name, trying to get her attention. When she finally turned and looked at him, he assured her, “We’ll get through this. I know we will.”

She smiled, nodding. “I know. It’s only a wedding. We can survive a wedding.”

“Let’s go to bed. We have breakfast with everyone in the morning, and we don’t want to oversleep or be too grouchy to be around people,” Bellamy pulled his legs back and stood up, grabbing her hand and leading her to his bedroom.

They changed, Clarke finding one of Bellamy’s oversized shirts and slipping it over her head. Crawling into bed, they settled against each other. Clarke, resting her head on Bellamy’s arm, his other arm wrapped around her waist. Of all the things that felt so wrong in this world, this was what felt right. Them together. They were each other’s strengths. But they were also each other’s weakness, and that thought frightened Bellamy.

They knew through one of her memories that her own mother used that weakness against them. Bellamy doesn’t remember her mother torturing him. It either didn’t happen or it was a memory he hadn’t unlocked, yet. Either way, that would only be the first time someone would exploit them like that, and Bellamy was terrified what he would do to get Clarke back or to ensure her safety.

Wrapping his arms around Clarke tighter, Bellamy relished in what they had now. He knew he needed to make the most of it now because when they went back to the real world, he wasn’t sure what would happen. He just knew things would be different. He knew he and Clarke couldn’t go back to how things used to be between them. Too much had transpired here for them to go back to just friends. How things would be different, Bellamy didn’t know. And he didn’t really want to dwell on it.

So, he closed his eyes and let sleep take him.

* * *

The next morning found them in their usual diner, at their usual table, with their usual group of friends. Everyone but Miller and Murphy were present, eating their breakfasts in companionable silence. Jasper, however, had shown up, changing his plans last minute so that he could come to breakfast, so they still couldn’t talk about anything super important. It was growing frustrating how little they’d be able to discuss as a group lately.

Clarke and Raven had exchanged looks when they saw Jasper show up, but wisely didn’t say anything. Breakfast had been rather quiet, and Jasper commented on it, “Why is everyone so quiet this morning?” He shoved some bacon into his mouth and looked across the table.

Bellamy held Jasper’s gaze, answering, “I don’t know about everyone else, but it’s been some long couple nights for me. Haven’t gotten much sleep.” He wanted to curse at the lame excuse. They were all doing a horrible job of pretending everything was normal. Like it didn’t kill them each a little more every day that they had lie.

“The hospital’s been hectic, too,” Clarke added. “Did you guys hear about the car accident that happened the other night? Guess who was working in the ER when that happened.”

“Everyone okay?” Monty asked, all concern.

Clarke nodded, “Thankfully, yes. But it was a close call there for a while. We weren’t really sure which way he was going to go.” It never got easier. It was always a flurry of emotions when people were rushing into the ER, many on the verge of death. Other doctors had told her she needed to distance herself from the patients, so she didn’t feel each death so acutely. But Clarke couldn’t do that. It didn’t feel right to detach herself and let herself not care for the patients. She felt everything. Probably too much. She was getting good at keeping that mask of calm plastered on her face.

They started going into lengthy discussions about things that happened at work, and before long, breakfast was done. They were all standing outside the restaurant in a little huddle on the sidewalk.

“You guys want to go to a movie or something?” Jasper asked the group, taking out his phone to search what was playing in the area.

Clarke shot Monty and Harper a look, and Monty agreed to go with Jasper. Raven, Clarke, Octavia, Lincoln, and Bellamy said they had other plans, and thus they broke off into groups and went their separate ways. Heading back to Raven and Harper’s apartment seemed like the wiser choice. Abby had the day off and might be home. Clarke didn’t want to risk her mother overhearing their conversation through the walls if they met up at Bellamy’s.

As they neared the apartment building, Octavia asked, “Is it weird how much Jasper’s been around lately?”

Raven frowned, “He’s always hung out with Monty. Those two used to be inseparable. It’s not that weird.”

“Key word is ‘used to’. I know they were inseparable. But then Monty started dating Harper, and Jasper sort of backed off,” Octavia explained.

Clarke frowned. “He has been hanging around a little more than usual lately.”

Bellamy exchanged looks with her. “And Abby’s been staying home more lately, too,” he said.

Raven frowned, glancing between the both of them. “Let’s continue this conversation in our apartment.” With that, she led the way into the building, up the stairs, down the hall, and straight into the apartment.

As apartment buildings go, it wasn’t the worst place. But the hallways had that musty, dusty smell, and the carpet was faded like it hadn’t been changed in decades. The hallways were that gross yellow from too many years of people being able to smoke, which caused the paint to discolor. According to Raven and Harper, it had character. Their apartment was on the top floor. They had a fire escape right outside their window that led to the roof, which had some excellent views of the city. Clarke was a little jealous of the rooftop view. The apartment itself was small and pretty standard as far as apartments go. It was littered with Raven’s tools and small projects she’d started but not finished. The coffee table was covered with all the different magazines Harper liked so much.

Clarke always loved coming here. It was homey. Something they had made their own. She didn’t really have that. Her apartment that she shared with her mother felt more like her mom’s apartment, not hers.

As Raven shut the door behind everyone, she turned the deadbolt and headed into the kitchen to find something to drink for everyone. Everyone shuffled in after her, grabbing some pop or water Raven offered before making their way into the living room and finding a place to sit on the sofas or the floor around the coffee table.

“Okay, back to Jasper and Abby,” Raven said, plopping down on the couch beside Clarke and Bellamy.

Octavia nodded, “When Jasper and Monty started drifting apart a bit, he was hanging out with other people. But I don’t know who they were. Do any of you?”

Everyone shook their heads, “I didn’t even realize he was hanging out with other people,” Clarke replied.

“I only know because I saw him in town with some people I didn’t recognize. I asked him about it, and he said they were coworkers. But I don’t think that’s true. It was during working hours, and you can’t tell me that many people would be allowed to leave the lab at the same time,” Octavia explained.

Clarke frowned. “Okay, so we know he’s been hanging out with other people. Possibly coworkers, but probably not. Has anyone had him in any memories or dreams?”

Everyone but Raven was shaking their heads no. Clarke waited patiently for Raven. Finally, she spoke up, “I did. I was working on some kind of code that I haven’t been able to figure out what it means. But anyway, Jasper tried to kill me. So, I’m definitely thinking he’s not one of us.”

Clarke just stared at her friend in shock, unable to process that their friend Jasper would literally try to kill one of them. Clarke thought back to all the good memories she had of Jasper. She and him had never been particularly close, but he was always so goofy and fun loving. Until Mount Weather. After that, he’d been changed forever. Trauma does that to a person. And she’d been the cause of that. Her choices put Jasper down this path.

Bellamy glanced over at Clarke and saw her warring with herself. The news was almost heartbreaking. There had to be something else in play here. Jasper was troubled, there was no doubt, but he could never see him trying to harm any one of them. It just didn’t make sense to him. Jasper was a lot of things, but a killer wasn’t on that list. What would cause him to act in such a way?

“Do you remember anything else about it? How did he try to kill you? Did he say anything before he tried? Anything else you can remember?” Clarke asked, her brain thinking a mile a minute.

“I was locked up in a room somewhere, and I was trying to find something in that code. The room must have had a controlled entry from the inside only because Jasper was on the outside pounding on the door to be let in. I thought he was in trouble and opened the doors, but there wasn’t anyone else out in the hall. When I turned around, he had a gun and shot me in the side,” Raven pointed to her abdomen, off to the side where the bullet went through. “I don’t really remember much after that.”

“Well, obviously it wasn’t fatal,” Clarke assured her. “Otherwise, I don’t think you’d be here. With the exception of Lincoln, no one else that died is here.”

“But that doesn’t explain why Jasper would suddenly turn into a murderer or what code Raven could have been reading through,” Octavia said. She grabbed her water bottle off the table and took a long swallow before setting it back down again.

“Clearly that code is important. Or why else would Jasper have tried to kill you?” Bellamy asked.

“I wonder if they think I remember what the code is, and that’s why Jasper and Abby have started being around more often?” Raven suggested, unable to think of any other reason.

“Clearly, there are still gaps in our memories. Until we start remembering more, I’m not sure what there is for us to do other than to keep pouring over the journals to find connections,” Clarke said.

“Monty has some memories of the code, too. We’re going to hang out this week and see if we can talk through what we remember and see if that jogs any of our memories,” Raven told them. “Harper has some memories of being in the same place, but she doesn’t remember anything about the code. But we’ll see what we can come up with and let you know.”

Everyone nodded. It was as good an idea as any. “What are we going to do about Murphy and Emori?” Bellamy asked.

“It seems too much of a coincidence that she shows up now. I don’t trust her,” Raven stated. “So, I vote we don’t tell Murphy anything concrete. If he asks, we can be vague. But don’t tell him what we’re doing.”

“He already knows we’re pouring over the journals. If he asks for an update, we can just say that we’re still looking through them for a common thread,” Clarke told them. “It’s not technically a lie, but we can’t afford to say anything else.”

Everyone else nodded. “I feel bad for the guy,” Octavia admitted. “He’s one of us.”

Bellamy nodded. “He is, but Emori isn’t. Maybe one day down the road, he’ll be able to see that. But not yet. When he does figure it out, we’ll be able to tell him everything then.” Murphy and he had a turbulent friendship, but Bellamy did consider him a good friend. He didn’t like having to lie to him anymore than anyone else did. But it was necessary.

“Okay,” Octavia nodded, and everyone else bobbed their heads up and down in agreement.

“Let’s also try to not text anyone anything about our memories and dreams between the group. Let’s only talk about it all in person,” Raven told them. “You never know who can hack our phones and see what we’re sending to each other. So, I can fill in Monty and Harper since I’ll see them next.”

“And I can talk to Miller tomorrow at work,” Bellamy said. He almost felt like they were going to the extreme paranoia. But it was all for good reason. Anyone they passed on the street could be working for the enemy. One couldn’t be too careful.

“Now that that’s done. Let’s start on the second season of Stranger Things,” Octavia said as she turned and curled into Lincoln, who had been awfully quiet the entire discussion. She supposed he had been gone before most of this had happened. There wasn’t much input he could give.

“Yes!” Everyone squealed in excitement.

“Harper’s going to kill me for starting without her,” Raven said, but turned on her TV and pulled up Netflix. She did look slightly guilty, Clarke noted.

Bellamy wrapped an arm around Clarke’s shoulder, pulling her closer to him. Snuggling on the couch with his girlfriend among most of his friends was one of his favorite ways to pass a Sunday.

* * *

“I was thinking about something,” Bellamy said, breaking through the companionable silence. Octavia and Lincoln were walking hand in hand several feet ahead of them. Bellamy had pulled Clarke, letting the other couple walk out of ear shot to give him and Clarke some semblance of privacy. He supposed he could have waited for them to be alone, but he didn’t want to wait anymore.

“That’s a shocker,” Clarke teased, elbowing him in the side. “When aren’t you thinking and worrying about something?”

He smiled at that, knowing she wasn’t wrong. “You’re so funny,” he told her. “I don’t know if I want to tell you now. You’ve ruined the moment.”

“Oh, come on! Don’t be a stick in the mud. I promise to keep my comments to myself. Whatever it is you want to say,” she promised, crossing her fingers over her chest. “Cross my heart and all that.”

Bellamy gave her a long look, debating about how to proceed from there. Did he just come out and say it, lead up to it with a joke? A story? Should he tell her about his undying love for her? Did it have to be some big romantic moment?

“I was just thinking,” he started, figuring winging it was his best bet. “What you would think about moving in with me?” There. It was out in the open. Like a Band-Aid: quick and painless. Well, just quick.

Clarke put a finger to her chin, looking as though she was really thinking it through. “I would think it sounded like an amazing idea. So much better than living with my mom.”

Relief rushed through him, and he released the breath he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding. He knew she loved him, and on some base level, he figured she would say yes. To have it confirmed was the best feeling in the world. Grabbing her hand, he laced their fingers together, and he brought her hand up to his lips, placing a kiss on the back of her hand. They’d stopped walking and were just standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

“You have no idea how happy that makes me,” he told her. “It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I just didn’t know if we were moving too fast. And then with everything that’s been happening, I figure we don’t know how long we’ll be in this world before we’re shoved back into our old lives. I don’t know what’s going to change when that happens. Certainly, my feelings for you won’t go away, but things will be different. Our lives will be different. I just want to make the most of the time we have left here.”

Clarke smiled up at Bellamy. Her smile was so bright and filled him with such happiness. What he wouldn’t give to keep making Clarke smile, to hear her laugh. He had few memories of their other world where she actually smiled at him. He would treasure this time they’d have together. No day would be taken for granted.

“What about Octavia? Is she okay with me moving in?” Clarke asked. She knew his sister liked her, but three people in that tiny apartment would a bit much.

“I have it on good authority that Lincoln is going to ask her to move in with him,” Bellamy told her, and they both glanced up the street where the happy couple were walking side by side lost in some deep conversation. “So, you can move into my place or we can look for a brand new place somewhere to call our own.”

Clarke leaned up onto her toes, grabbed Bellamy’s face between her hands and pulled him down so their lips met. When she pulled back, she practically glowed with happiness. “I think I can move my stuff into your apartment now just to get my stuff out of my mom’s place. But I also think we should look for our own place.” Someplace brand new we can build memories into.”

“That sounds amazing, Clarke,” Bellamy told her, pulling her in for a hug. He noticed some of the people walking by giving them strange looks. “Shall we keep walking? People are starting to stare?”

Clarke laughed, but pulled him along after her. As they walked, Bellamy couldn’t stop looking at their entwined hands. She was his and he was hers. They were going to be living together, starting on the next phase of their lives together. Who knows how long they had left to live in this world? But by God, they were going to make the best of each and every day. They’d do whatever it took to make each other happy. Wherever Clarke went, Bellamy would follow gladly. She was his anchor, his tether. He’d do whatever he could to keep her with him. Always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! If you could drop me a comment and let me know how you guys are feeling, I'd love to hear from you! Kudos and subscriptions are wonderful, too! I love you all!


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all had a great holiday season and a wonderful start to the new year!
> 
> So sorry for the delayed chapter, but I had taken a break to write some holiday themed drabbles. And then I was back with my family on the farm, and they don't have internet, yet, out there. I have a couple chapters already written, so I should be back on my weekly regime. I'm shooting for a chapter to come out every Friday. I am busy tomorrow and Friday, so I decided to do this week's today. But you can expect next week's to be on time.

_ It’s funny how just a few months on the ground and suddenly everyone’s so used to pain. It’s like a second skin, clinging tight, constricting everything. It was so normal that when they weren’t, it felt wrong. Everything would be at a standstill as they all waited for the other shoe to drop, for that horrible thing to happen.  _

_ Hope is fleeting; there one minute, squashed in the next. Every single time she thinks things are going okay, that her and her people will be okay, something happens to prove her wrong in the worst way possible. How any of her people can keep hope alive, she doesn’t know.  _

_ She was slowly losing faith. There was still a faint light within her soul that was holding out. It wanted to be proved wrong; it wanted to live. She tried to protect that light, keeping it close to her heart and cherishing it. _

_ Monty and Raven were working to figure out how to save everyone, working nonstop, around the clock. Unfortunately, Harper knew next to nothing about computers. She was better with a gun, better at standing guard, making sure her friends stayed safe so they could save them all.  _

_ She really didn’t think they had much to worry about here as everyone that was chipped was far away from this place, but she couldn’t be too careful. So she patrolled the Ark, checking and double checking every area, making sure there was no one laying in wait for them. They’d been taught not to be too careful after Emerson had killed Sinclair and taken everyone hostage as a sick revenge against Clarke. _

_ Harper understood Emerson’s pain. She really did. It didn’t make what he did right, but she could at least pity the man. He had nothing left, nothing to hope for. What was left? _

_ He’d lost his people, his children. Harper had made friends while they were in Mount Weather. There had been so many good people who had been willing to go against their own people to help Harper and the sky people. Maya. If there was one person that hadn’t deserved to die, it was her. She was one of the good ones.  _

_ Maya’s death set Jasper spiralling deeper and deeper into a dark pit Harper wasn’t sure how to help him get out of. Just thinking of the hurt he must be feeling pained Harper. She knew it pained Monty most of all. The two were best friends, inseparable most of their lives. It was hard on Monty watching his friend slip deeper and deeper into depression, drinking himself stupid. There was nothing any of them could do, and that hurt most of all.  _

_ Harper was glad she didn’t have to make the decisions of who lived and who died. She wasn’t sure what gave Clarke the right, but she knew Clarke did everything she did for the betterment of their people. The weight on Clarke’s shoulders were heavy; Harper had to respect the girl. But that didn’t mean living with Clarke’s decisions were easy. Quite on the contrary. _

_ Sighing to herself, she made her way down the hall towards the tech room Monty and Raven were using to find the code needed to save everyone who was chipped. The door wouldn’t open. Frowning, she knocked on the door, calling out to her friends to let her in. Monty asked about Jasper, which Harper thought was weird. Shouldn’t he have been inside with them? If not, he was probably looking for some alcohol in the mess hall.  _

_ Either way, why would that make them lock the door? She wondered. She knew Jasper wasn’t really helpful with code any more than herself, but that didn’t make sense on why they’d lock them out because of it. Were they playing a joke on her? It wasn’t very funny, but maybe their sleep deprived minds thought it was.  _

_ A sudden noise behind her startled her, and she quit listening to Monty speaking through the speaker. A pain sliced through her head, dropping her to the floor instantly. She laid there, spots appearing in her vision, seeing Jasper hovering over her, a gun in his hand. It wasn’t pointed at her at the moment, just hanging limply in his hand. _

_ She’d been looking for outside threats. No one had thought to look internally at their own group. When had he even had the opportunity to get chipped? She wondered. They’d all been together as a group. Unless he got chipped on their expedition to find Luna. Did that mean Clarke and the others were chipped too? No. That’s couldn’t be. She refused to believe the others were working with ALIE.  _

_ Harper closed her eyes, darkness swallowing her. Rest. She just needed a break, a small rest would do her good. Maybe when she woke up, things would be better. That hope was still there in her heart, she realized with some joy before the darkness encompassed all of her, and she passed out. _

 

Harper sat up suddenly, finding the sheets bunched up around her legs, making it difficult to move. Her legs and arms felt sweaty, and her heart was beating furiously in her chest. Deep breath, she told herself, inhaling shakily as she tried to get herself under control. It did no one any good to be panicking.

Tossing off the sheets, she pulled her knees up to her chest, and leaned her elbows on her knees, a hand raking through her hair, pulling it away from her face. Sitting there in the dark, she glanced at the wall that separated her room from Raven’s. Debating if she should wake up her roommate and talk about what she’d remembered. 

Shaking her head, she slid her legs back down to rest on the bed. She reached over and grabbed her dream journal and starting writing down everything she remembered. Not a whole lot was knew, as she’d had the dream before. Many times.

What was new was how hopeless she’d felt. Is that what she’d go back to feeling like if they returned to their real world? Would any of their memories from their time in this alternate world go with them? Or would they go back to the real world, thinking they woke up from a weird dream, the memories of their time here slowly fading with time?

Harper wondered if any of her other friends didn’t actually want to go back to the way things were in the other world. It was better here. No one was having to fight for their lives; death didn’t follow them wherever they went like a dark cloud. There were more doctors here, laws and rules the citizens mostly followed, homes that weren’t like dorm rooms crammed together. Clarke and Bellamy didn’t need to make life altering decisions every day. There was peace. It was good. 

Here, Harper had hope.

  
  


* * *

“Are you sure you want to move now?” Abby Griffin asked her daughter as the two of them were packing up her room. 

Abby was on art detail, packing away all Clarke’s paints, charcoal, sketch pads, and the like so that nothing would spill onto her papers or finished art projects. A pile of newspaper laid on the floor next to her, used to help insulate and protect the items she was packing away in a box. 

Clarke was currently trying to tackle the mess that was her closet. She decided now was as good a time as any to sort through it all and donate all the clothes she didn’t need, want, nor wear anymore. She was just tossing items of clothing into three piles, “Keep”, “Donate”, “Throw Away”. It was making her process achingly slow, but it was better to do it now than to move in with Bellamy and then do it there. 

Bellamy and the majority of their friends were currently helping Octavia move all her stuff over to Lincoln’s apartment. Thankfully, Lincoln lived in a complex not too far away, so that made moving a lot easier. Clarke had gotten several texts from her friends complaining about having to give up their days off to do more, harder work. Clarke only chuckled, knowing they’d be placated with pizza and beer later. 

Tomorrow was Clarke’s deadline to get everything packed into boxes. Because she literally lived next door to Bellamy and didn’t actually all that much to move since Bellamy had all the furniture they’d needed, her and Bellamy could do the move themselves. She had no idea where she was going to put all her stuff, but Bellamy and her had agreed to turning Octavia’s room into her arm room and also a mini library where they could store all of Bellamy’s books, which would make more room in Bellamy’s room for Clarke’s things.

It seemed like a good system. 

“What’s wrong with now?” Clarke asked without missing a step, continuing to sort through the clothes in her dresser. How did one person accumulate so many clothes? Especially when one wore scrubs more often than not?

“Just seems like you’re rushing into this decision,” Abby replied. “Didn’t the two of you only just start dating?”

“Yes, but Bellamy and i have known each other for years. Just catching up on lost time,” Clarke answered. “We’re not in a hurry; it just feels like the right thing to do.” Clarke glanced up, looking over at her mother. “We both know I was only meant to live with you for a couple months while I got on my feet. That was years ago. I’m firmly on my feet, now. It’s time.”

Abby smiled warmly at her daughter, “I know you’re ready. I’m just not sure I am.”

“You’ll be all moved in with Marcus before you know it. Besides, with me out of the apartment, you can move in with him now if you want, and you won’t have to wait until after the wedding.” Clarke thought it was weird her mom didn’t want to live with Marcus before they got married. Clarke figured it had something to do with her mother not wanting to make Clarke feel like she was being ditched. Hopefully, now that her mother has her blessing, they can move in together sooner. She was sure that would make Marcus happy.

“That’s very true,” her mom agreed. “I’ll discuss it with him. It’ll be hard, though, being so far away from you now.”

Clarke thought just the opposite, but she wasn’t about to tell her mom that. So she smiled at her mom in what she hoped looked like genuine sadness but didn’t say anything. Instead, she turned her attention back to her closet, internally groaning at how much she had left to go through. She hoped Bellamy had gone through his closet to make room for her stuff. She didn’t think he was quite prepared for all of this.

“Just know, Clarke, that you can always tell me anything. That won’t change just because we aren’t living together.” Abby said after several minutes of silence.

Clarke turned and looked at her mom, “Mom, I know. Nothing’s going to change between us just because we don’t live together. We still work in the same building, so we’ll still see each other all the time.”

“I know. I just feel like we’ve been drifting lately, and I don’t want that to happen.” So Abby had been picking up on Clarke’s attempts to avoid her. 

Internally cringing, but outwardly smiling, Clarke walked over to her mom and gave her a long hug. “I love you mom. Nothing would change that.” Truth. 

Abby nodded her head before pulling back. “I love you, too, Clarke,” she replied. “Now, we better get going or we’ll never get this all done by tomorrow.”

Clarke walked back to her closet and continued sorting. Her mom would be back to someone she could trust in the real world. Something to look forward to.

 

* * *

A few days later, Clarke threw herself onto her and Bellamy’s bed after finishing organizing her Bellamy’s closet. She had blessedly, thankfully been able to fit her stuff into the closet beside Bellamy’s things, and his room had been big enough that they could add another dresser without cutting down on the room they had to move around in.

“Who knew you had so much stuff,” Bellamy exhaled a deep breath as he flopped down on the bed beside Clarke. They rearranged themselves so Clarke’s head rested in the crook of Bellamy’s arm. 

“This was after I downsized everything,” she told him. 

“Glad we’re done unpacking and you’re officially all moved in,” Bellamy told her as he rolled on his side and wrapped his arms around Clarke’s middle, pulling her into a hug. 

“You sure you’re ready to deal with my bad morning breath?” she asked him.

“Or my crazy bed head?” Bellamy countered.

“Or my long showers that will probably use up all the hot water?”

“Or me bed hogging?”

“Or my weird doctor hours?”

“Or my weird cop hours?”

“Or my singing in the shower?”

“That’s where I draw the line,” Bellamy told her with mock seriousness. “I’ve heard you sing. I don’t know that I can deal with that.”

She playfully shoved his arm before she rotated onto her side to look up at Bellamy. “Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked, his brows furrowing.

“For asking me to move in, for being you,” she replied with a smile, tilting her head up. Her lips found Bellamy’s, and she loved she could do this whenever she wanted now. Not that she couldn’t before they moved in, but she gets to do it every morning after they wake up, every night before bed. It was exactly what she wanted, and she knew she was where she was meant to be. 

Bellamy tightened his grip on her, deepening the kiss. He broke away after a moment, a playful glint in his eye. “You know, now that you are officially moved in, we should celebrate.” He rolled on top of Clarke, kissing her lips, her jaw, down her neck, nuzzling her playfully. 

Clarke laughed, “We celebrated the first day I was here. You said we were celebrating me moving in.”

Bellamy lifted his head, looking thoughtful, “Then this time we’re celebrating the fact that there are no more boxes to unpack.”

“Good with me,” she agreed.

“Since when do I need an excuse to sleep with you?” he chuckled, dropping his head back down to resume his feather light kisses across any open skin that he could. 

“You don’t,” Clarke assured him. “Celebrate away.”

Bellamy did. One hand was braced just under Clarke’s armpit, his hand playing with her hair. The other, he ran down Clarke’s side, his touch slow and light until they reached the hem of her shirt. His mouth was trailing kisses along her neck, back up to her jaw to nip at her ear. His hands disappeared under her shirt, ghosting over her stomach. He sat up, pulling Clarke with him. Kneeling in front of Clarke, he helped her pull her shirt over her head, and then he leaned forward to unclasp her bra behind her back.

Clarke tugged at Bellamy’s shirt, wanting to feel his skin against hers. He took the hint and pulled it over his head before he pushed Clarke backwards onto the bed to lie flat on her back while leaned down to kiss her navel. His hands stayed on the bedspread beneath them, and he used his mouth and tongue to tease from her navel up to one breast. He used his tongue and teeth gently on one before he moved over to the next one. 

Then while he was toying with one using his mouth, he brought up a free hand to work on the other. Switching his mouth to the other breast, he switched hands as well to work on the other breast. Clarke’s moans spurred him on as she brought up her hands to his hair, where she tugged when he did something she liked a lot and he’d do it again. 

When Bellamy was sure both breasts had been satisfied, he shuffled off of the bed and knelt on the floor, pulling Clarke so that her legs dangled off of the bed. He pulled her pants and then her underwear off, his hands featherlight as they trailed up her legs, up the inside of her thighs to where Clarke really wanted Bellamy’s mouth, but he wanted to tease tonight, let her beg for it.

He didn’t use his mouth, just gently caressed her skin, his fingers ghosting over the bundle of nerves at the apex of her sex, but there was no real friction, and when he moved on to the other leg, it left Clarke wanting so much more. When he came back up the leg and did the same thing, Clarke reached down and grabbed his hand, making him use more force. She needed the friction. Her skin felt like it was on fire, needing the release, needing to go over the edge.

Bellamy chuckled as he took his hand away and Clarke practically whimpered. With a smile, he leaned his face down, kissing her thighs before his mouth finally found what Clarke needed most. Her hands fisted in sheet, trying to keep from bucking her hips as Bellamy continued to lavish her, his tongue making her feel magical and tingly. It didn’t take long before she was panting his name. 

He was about to go again, wanting her to come at least one more time when Clarke sat up suddenly, shoved Bellamy back onto the floor, and practically ripped the jeans right off of him. She wanted to tease him, give him a taste of his own medicine, but there would be plenty of time for that later. Right now, she just really wanted him in her mouth. So she did, pulling his hardened dick into her mouth.

Using her tongue as she pulled him deeper into her mouth, relishing the sound of Bellamy groaning beneath her. She went faster then, her head bobbing up and down over him. After a moment, she brought a hand up and cupped him, squeezing gently before she brought the hand up pump the bottom of his shaft with her hand while her mouth worked the top. Bellamy’s hips pushed off the ground, and he moaned in pleasure, the sound going straight to Clarke’s core. 

He wanted to be inside her, and at this rate, he wasn't’t going to make it that long. So he sat up, pulling back and pushing Clarke off  of him. He helped her stand up and shoved her back on the bed onto her stomach. He helped her position her so that her ass was more in the air. Satisfied, he pushed into her, both of them moaning in unison at the feel. They would do this a million times, and that feeling would never not be amazing.

Pumping into her from behind, he gripped her hips. He leaned forward, and reached around her to rub her clit as he pounded into her. She found her second release several seconds before Bellamy followed closely behind. He rolled off of her, and Clarke rolled onto her side facing Bellamy. She smiled happily at him, leaning forward to kiss him on the mouth. 

“What will we celebrate tomorrow?” she asked, her smile turning into a devilish grin. Every day she was with Bellamy was a celebration.

 

* * *

Clarke kept her eyes closed, satisfied and content,  a smile still traced her lips. Spooning with Bellamy, the moment was perfect. For the briefest of moments, Clarke had forgotten all about all of her responsibilities and the dangers that awaited them outside of this room. Just on the other side of this very wall, her mother was probably scheming something with whoever she worked with to ruin this happiness Clarke had be so grateful to have found.

The silence was broken when her and Bellamy’s phones vibrated loudly against the wooden night stands on either side of the bed. Groaning, she reached for hers, pulling it back towards herself so she could read the text that had come through. Bellamy had pulled away as well, rolling over to grab his own phone. The text was from Raven saying they needed to have an urgent meeting. 

She sat up in bed, the sheets pooling around her bare torso. She glanced at Bellamy who held up his phone so she could read what his text said. It was the same text from Raven. She nodded to him, and they silently texted back that they would be on their way.

With a sigh, Bellamy reached over and kissed her chastely. “Never ending.” He pulled back and smiled at her, taking her hand in his and squeezing it reassuringly. Neither of them were alone. They were each other’s unwavering support. Nothing would change that. 

Getting up, they changed as quickly as they could and hurried to Raven’s, hoping it was good news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting interesting around here! I hope you guys think so anyway! Do you guys have any idea what you think is going to happen?
> 
> Thanks again for being so patient with me! I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm uploading on the day that I said I would! It's a miracle!

“The good news is Monty, Harper, and I remembered something. Harper remembered in her dream that Monty and I were working on some sort of code, which Monty and I already knew,” Raven explained to the group assembled in her living room. Everyone was there, making excuses at work to get off early or to go in later. Everyone but Murphy, that was. He was still staying in the dark, and Bellamy felt guilty, but he knew it was for the best.

Bellamy sat on the couch next to Clarke, his arm resting on the back of the couch, behind her. Octavia and Lincoln were squashed on the couch beside them. Miller, Monty, and Harper sat on the floor, around the coffee table. Raven stood in front of them all, pacing back and forth on the rug while she explained the important news she said warranted them getting out of work to meet for. 

There were certain moments-such as this- that Bellamy was thankful for all of his friends. He thought back to where they were just a couple months ago. In just a short time, they’d all come to terms with how crazy this world was and that they were all having double memories. It wasn’t easy to have come to grips with, but they’d all done it. Together. They were all stronger together.

Raven continued, “We still don’t know exactly what the code was for or how exactly we’re going to be able to access it. But Harper remembered a name none of us had mentioned before.” Raven glanced at her roommate, a signal for her to continue explaining. Raven took a seat in front of the coffee table, resting her elbows on the wood, and waiting patiently for Harper to begin.

Harper nodded at Raven and then turned to the rest of the group and explained, “Monty and Raven had locked themselves into the tech room to work on the code. They were trying to keep Jasper out because they had just discovered Jasper to be chipped. I didn’t know yet and was trying to get into the room with Monty and Raven when Jasper knocked me out from behind. But before I lost consciousness, I remember wondering how he had gotten chipped and that he was now working for ALIE.” 

ALIE. The word resonated with Bellamy, but he wasn’t sure why. No memories flooded into him like it sometimes did when someone said something that jogged his memory. He knew the word was familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on the why. It was just there. Sitting in the back of his mind, taking up space, but doing nothing else for him.

“Do you know who Ali is?” Clarke asked, shifting in her seat, trying to sit up straighter.

Harper shook her head. “Not exactly. I get this feeling ALIE’s not so much of a person.” 

Bellamy frowned. “What do you mean?” 

“I got this distinct impression that she wasn’t really human,” Harper explained. “When I say ALIE, it’s not spelled the same as the person’s name. A-L-I-E. I don’t know what it means,” Harper shrugged. “But it seemed important.”

“That’s where I come in,” Raven interjected, moving so that she was kneeling before the coffee table now. “I didn’t remember anything until Harper said ALIE, and even now, things are still fuzzy. I know I’m not remembering everything, yet. But I remember ALIE being an AI. She’s part of the code somehow.”

Everyone was quiet for a moment, as if they were all giving themselves time to see if any new memories surfaced with the new information. Bellamy tried to think back, to get something, anything from his memories. But they stayed silent, locked. Nothing. He could remember nothing new. He needed more time.

“Do we know what the ‘chips’ are? Do we know what ‘being chipped’ means?” Octavia asked, breaking the silence. 

Lincoln sat stoic beside her, not saying anything. He was there mostly for support anyway. They all knew he died before this all became an issue. No one really knew why he had been brought back to this world when everyone else who had died like Lexa, Finn, Fox, Monroe, or even Wells had not come back, too. It was something they didn’t really discuss. It was a touchy topic for Octavia, and no one wanted to upset her more than necessary. 

Bellamy couldn’t imagine the pain of knowing they needed to get back to the real world, but knowing once he was back in the real world, the love of his life wouldn’t be there. He didn’t envy Octavia’s position, and he had no idea how to make any of this easier for her. There really wasn’t anyway. She knew he was there for her in any way she needed. He hoped that would be enough. 

“No,” Raven’s voice cut into Bellamy’s thoughts, bringing him back to the topic at hand. “We just know it’s not a good thing. If someone is chipped, they’re working for this AI.” Raven was shaking her haid, her long black hair, pulled back into a ponytail bobbing behind her.

“So we can assume Jasper, Emori, and my mom are all chipped and working for ALIE,” Clarke said, leaning forward on the couch to rest her elbows on her knees, while she thought back to everyone else they knew. “We should probably just assume anyone that isn’t us is chipped. Until they can prove otherwise. There’s got to be more of us.”

“I think we also need to figure out where we are. This world isn’t the real world, which we already knew. But how did we get here?” Bellamy replied. “What is this world?”

Milled nodded, “Maybe that should be priority.”

“Let’s go back over what we do know,” Octavia told them. 

Monty said, “We know we’re in an alternate world. An AI is our main opponent here, and it seems the way to beat it is to figure out what code Raven and I were working on.”

Several moments of silence passed while everyone tried to think of some other important clue they’d all overlooked. Finally, Clarke asked, “What if we’re in the code?” 

Raven frowned, but it was Monty who said, “That’s not possible. People can’t go into code.” 

No one else said anything, unsure about this whole thing, but most seemed inclined to agree with Monty. Bellamy wasn’t sure where he sat on the idea. It was crazy no matter how one sliced it.

“Wait,” Raven was staring at the floor, her brows bunched together, in concentration. “That might actually make sense.” She stood up and began pacing again, tapping her hands on her thighs as she did so.

“What? How?” Miller asked, just as confused as everyone else.

“The AI is controlling people, but how? If we’re supposed to find some sort of code that’s supposed to take it down, wouldn’t it make sense that this alternate world is part of that code?” Raven replied.

“Our bodies got sucked into a computer?” Bellamy had to ask. This all sounded so crazy.

“It has to have something to do with the chips. I don’t quite get how, but that has to be the catalyst to get people into the code,” Clarke said. “We probably need to wait until we start remembering more. Hopefully, this conversation will open up some new memories for some of us.”

Everyone nodded. 

“For now, at least we seem to know who or what we’re up against. That’s a step in the right direction,” Harper said, and everyone seemed to agree. 

“What’s our next step then?” Octavia asked. “Wait for more memories to filter through?” Bellamy glanced over at his sister. She seemed agitated. He understood. It was hard to just sit back and wait. He wished they could all be more proactive, but there was really nothing to do until their memories came back.

“Yes,” Clarke nodded. “But also keeping an eye on Jasper, Emori, my mom and anyone else we suspect of being chipped. Maybe one of them will lead us to ALIE. Raven and Monty,” Clarke turned her attention to the two of them, “Keep working together to try and remember what the code is. I feel like that’s the key.”

Bellamy sat there and surveyed his friends. Everyone looked tired, with bags under their eyes from stress and lack of sleep. He knew he looked no better, but with some luck, the good news would let everyone sleep better tonight. They were nowhere near the end of this, but they were getting there. It was just within reach. The way they were all progressing, it’d be sooner rather than later. 

He was proud of his friends. This wasn’t easy on any of them. Keeping secrets from their friends and family, having to keep tabs on them, knowing the people they cared about were working against them wasn’t an easy feeling to live with. He wondered how Clarke was dealing with the idea of her own mother working with ALIE. He made a mental note to talk to her about it later. 

His eyes slid to Clarke, who was talking about what they should and shouldn’t be doing. Her back was straight, her voice even, her eyes clear. Leadership looked good on her. She didn’t want it, but she was a natural. Their people looked to her. They all knew she would do whatever it took to save their people. She would do. She bore the pain so they didn’t have to. Her words resonated within him, and he remembered a darker time, when she had said those very words before disappearing for months. 

There was nowhere for her to go now. Nowhere but home. 

 

* * *

Miller and Bellamy walked into the police station to start their shifts, much later than normal. The meeting at Raven’s had taken a couple hours to go over everything. As they entered, they found Murphy sitting at his desk, working on something on his computer. When he looked up and saw the two come in, he got up and followed them into the break room.

“You guys are late,” he said nonchalantly.

Bellamy and Miller exchanged looks before Bellamy shrugged. The lie was already out before he had time to think. “I had a doctor’s appointment.”

“Do we have to report to you, too, now?” Miller asked, avoiding having to answer the question. He walked over to the coffee maker and poured himself a cup.

Bellamy followed him over, Murphy on their heels. “I just thought it was weird you both were in late at the same time.” Murphy looked around to make sure they were alone, dropping his voice to a whisper. “I thought maybe it had something to do with the weird stuff going on.” 

Bellamy answered, “It didn’t have anything to do with  _ that _ .”

“Well, has there been any updates with anything?” Murphy asked. “I haven’t heard anything from anyone in awhile. I filled up another journal, but I don’t really have anything new to add.” 

“If you want to give me the journal, I’ll make sure Raven gets it,” Bellamy grabbed a cup out of the cupboard and began pouring himself some coffee as Miller poured some sugar into his own cup.

“But are there any updates? What are we supposed to be doing? Has anyone remembered anything important?” he asked.

Shaking his head, Bellamy turned back to his friend. “Nothing new. We’re still combing through the journals looking for something that stands out. But there’s a lot to go through.”

“If you guys want me to help, I can do something when I get off work,” Murphy offered. 

For once, Murphy wasn’t being a dick and was genuinely wanting to help. Guilt welled up inside Bellamy. He knew what he had to do was the right thing for the group. But that didn’t make lying any easier. He made himself look his friend in the eye as he answered, “Raven, Monty, and Clarke have it under control.”

“I offered to help, but they won’t let me either,” Miller cut in, making Bellamy’s lie more believable. 

“You know how they are. They want it done there way,” Bellamy agreed.

Murphy nodded, eyeing the two of them. Bellamy wondered just how much he suspected. Did he think they were lying? Did he wonder if they were keeping him in the dark because they didn’t trust him? Bellamy wondered if they could be honest and say it was because they didn’t trust Emori, but they all knew how Murphy felt about her. No one wanted to isolate Murphy or make him turn against the rest of them. 

It was better to keep quiet. To play along with the lie.

So Bellamy turned and walked out of the breakroom, coffee in hand, and went back to work like there was nothing wrong, like he hadn’t lied to someone who meant well and only wanted to help in any way they could. Sighing, Bellamy  turned his computer on and waited for it to boot up. He watched as Miller and Murphy made their way back to their respective desks. Murphy looked slightly dejected, and Bellamy made himself not think too hard about it. Miller seemed like his normal, brooding self. 

Grabbing his phone, Bellamy decided the best way to make himself feel better was by texting Clarke. She would be back at their apartment by now. He wondered if she was rearranging things or if she had decided to just call it all good and was watching Netflix.

**I am watching Forensic Files on Netflix and imagining this is what you do at your job,** she replied back after several moments.

He smiled to himself.  **No murders for me, yet, thanks.** This fake world was pretty good crime wise. Bellamy had to admit. Not too many deaths really happened here.

**How’s work?**

**Murphy asked about what we were doing. He’s filled another dream journal.** Bellamy glanced up to make sure no one would catch him texting on the job. It wasn’t really against the rules, but he didn’t want any of his superiors thinking he was slacking on the job- even if that was what he was doing at the moment.

**Did you change your mind on whether we should bring him in on this or not?** She asked. If Bellamy had asked anyone else, he would expect them to remind him he was lying for the greater good. Not Clarke. She wanted to know where his heart was.

**I lied about it, but I don’t feel good about it. I think we need to re-evaluate.**

**When you get home then.**

Bellamy liked that he and Clarke really felt like a team. He could tell her exactly what he was thinking, and no matter what, she would think it through but then see where Bellamy stood on the topic. She didn’t just throw her opinion at him, expecting him to change. She talked things out. That’s what their relationship was built on. Mutual trust and open communication. It was a recipe for greatness, he knew.

**Great. See you then. Enjoy Forensic Files.**

**Always do.**

Bellamy smiled as he put his phone back in his pocket and attempted to work on some of the reports he was supposed to be doing. 

It didn’t take very long until one of the other officers called him into the his supervisor’s office. Bellamy frowned, apprehension and confusion pooling into his stomach. He straightened his uniform and walked into the office. There, his supervisor was sitting behind his desk and Captain Pike was standing beside him. Bellamy wondered what kind of trouble he could have possibly gotten into to warrant talking to Captain Pike. 

“Bellamy Blake,” Captain Pike said, “I just wanted to be the first one to congratulate you.” He held out his hand to Bellamy. 

With a frown, Bellamy took his hand, shaking it firmly. Did they know he had moved in with Clarke? But that wasn’t really something your Captain congratulated you on so formally. He tried to think of any of his recent cases, but couldn’t think of anything that would warrant such a meeting.

“You look confused,” Pike commented with some amusement. He exchanged looks with Bellamy’s supervisor. “You applied to become a detective. You got it, Detective Blake.”

“I- But I- That was months ago, sir. I figured when I hadn’t heard anything, I didn’t make the cut,” Bellamy was in shock. He had applied almost six months ago. Before any of the dreams had started happening, before everything had changed. Looking back at the man who had been so eager for advancement, Bellamy wanted to laugh. It was like another lifetime. 

“The process can take awhile. There are a lot of applicants vying for spots. You had some darn good recommendations, and I remember you at the academy when I had gone to teach a couple lessons. You had amazing potential. It’d be a shame not to put it to good use,” Pike told him. “As of Monday, you will report to me.”

“Thank you, sir,” Bellamy nodded, smiling despite himself. It was what he had always wanted. The him here in this world anyway. 

Pike nodded at him and then left the office, turning to go down the hall, leaving Bellamy to stare after him. He wondered what had prompted this whole ordeal. They were supposed to treat everyone as suspects of working with ALIE. Were they wanting to promote Bellamy to keep a better eye on him, watch him more closely, separating him from his friends? The last part didn’t make sense considering he and his friends would be able to hang out after work together. Unless they started getting put on opposite schedules. Dread crept up on him as he glanced back at his supervisor. 

“You earned it,” his supervisor said in lieu of a dismissal. 

Bellamy turned and numbly walked out of the office and over to his desk. He caught Miller’s eye and gestured him to follow him into the breakroom, which was thankfully out of sight from his supervisor’s office, though his supervisor would have to be stupid to not know what they’d be going inside to discuss.

Thankfully, the breakroom was empty, and Bellamy stood at a table but didn’t sit. Miller hurried in, Murphy on his heels. “Did you get reassigned?” Miller asked quietly but with obvious concern.

Bellamy nodded, “Promoted.” He barely inclined his head, still unsure what emotions he was currently feeling.

Murphy frowned, “That’s bad?” He glanced between Miller and Bellamy in confusion.

“Not sure, yet,” Bellamy answered. “I feel like they’re trying to separate us all. Let me know if they change your schedules. I don’t know what mine will be, yet. But I’ll find out on Monday. I have a feeling our schedules will rarely coincide with each other.”

“You think they think we’re on to them?” Murphy whispered.

“They must be getting worried,” Bellamy nodded in agreement. “We just need to be extra careful now. We can’t let them think anything’s wrong.”

The boys nodded in agreement, and Bellamy nodded for them to disperse. As they walked back to Bellamy’s desk, Miller clapped him on the back, “Congrats man,” he said in typical Nathan Miller fashion, with quiet respect, a smile gracing his lips for once. “We’ll have to go out and celebrate.”

“You know the girls will be all over that,” Bellamy chuckled. 

“So will Monty and Jasper,” Miller pointed out.

“Touche,” Bellamy laughed.

Bellamy couldn’t wait to get home and discuss the events of today with Clarke. She’d be just as surprised as he was, he was sure, but she’d want to celebrate as Miller said. Good. They needed to all get out and have a good time. Bellamy had a feeling they wouldn’t have such carefree, easy days ahead. Not for awhile anyway. They needed to take every happy moment that they could. Morale was getting low. A celebration would be just what everyone needed.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting real, guys.   
> Hope you guys enjoyed!   
> Comment, give kudos, and subscribe!


	22. Chapter 22

_ The pain in her leg flared up again, a sharp searing pain as she stepped on it wrong. She had to be so careful sometimes. She silently cursed her body for not cooperating with her. Then she cursed Murphy for doing this to her. Because of him, she was miserable. She couldn’t do and enjoy all the things she used to. Running.  _

_ She had always dreamed of what it would be like to run on the ground. Then she got to the ground and had to run for her life. Now, she couldn’t even do that. She could hobble for her life at best. She had her brain, sure. But it wasn’t the same. She couldn’t do all the awesome things she knew she could have before this all happened.  She could think of a hundred different things she’d be doing differently.  _

_ It shouldn’t still bother her. There were bigger issues at hand.  _

_ Issues like surviving.  _

_ People were dying around her. Finn’s face flashed into her memory, as he always did when she thought of death. He wouldn’t want her to be pitying herself. He’d want her to push on and do what she could with what she was given. There was plenty she could still do, and she was thankful for that. But at the moment, she wasn’t thinking of what she could do; she was dwelling on what she couldn’t. _

_ Sighing, she walked into the mess hall looking for some food or some moonshine, anything to take the edge off. It was an ache, a throbbing she felt down to her bones. A part of her regretted not letting Abby work on her leg, to make it better. But the other part of her knew it would have done no good anyway. She was broken, and she didn’t need anyone to tell her that and waste valuable resources on a lost cause. _

_ Looking around, she saw familiar faces sitting amongst the scattered tables. Jasper was begging for more alcohol- any alcohol. Jaha was standing off to the side in a corner, a small group of people surrounding him. Those that sat around him looked peaceful, content Raven noticed. She didn’t know much about those that were with Jaha- about what would have driven them to believe in something so silly.  _

_ There were many more of their people who walked by them, giving them all distrustful looks, hurrying to or from the mess hall. Jaha and the others didn’t seem perturbed by it. Jaha had approached Raven before about the chip, offering peace and a world without pain. She’d scoffed at him. Nothing like a little pain to remind us we were alive, she remembered telling Jasper. At the time, she’d meant it. A part of her still did. _

_ The chip had sounded sketchy then, and it still sounded so now. She weighed her options. If she took it and nothing happened like she suspected, then she’d be right and would prove that Jaha was a nutcase wrapped up in some delusion. But what if it worked? She could go back to work, which Abby had fired her from. She couldn’t do nothing. What good was she to her own people if she wasn’t allowed to do the things she was good at? She really didn’t have many options.  _

_ A life without pain would be a blessing. _

_ So she made her way over to Jaha and asked for the chip. Not because she believed him, not because she believed in The City of Light- but because she was desperate, desperate to feel nothing. She took the chip from Jaha. It was tiny, fitting into the palm of her hand easily. She put it in her mouth after a moment’s hesitation and swallowed it. Closing her eyes, she waited for something- anything- to happen, to show her that things had changed, that the pain was gone.  _

_ Nothing happened. She was lucky she wasn’t near anything she could throw. She hated Jaha for giving her this false hope, and she hated herself for believing anything would be different, that Jaha wouldn’t be a giant disappointment. Spinning on her good leg, she walked out of the room. She had no idea where she was going, but she just had to get away. Fresh air would be good for her. She was feeling hot and hoped that the cool air would cool her temper as well as her skin. _

_ The more she walked, the more her leg started cooperating more. She glanced down at her own leg, surprise on her face. She kept going, and the pain lessened the further she went. Smiling, she pushed herself a bit harder and noticed that her leg fell into step so naturally, so normally. She was walking how she used to. The pain was receding; it was almost completely gone. Smiling, she stared ahead and didn’t stop. She had no idea where she’d go, but she didn’t want to stop walking. It felt too good. _

_ Suddenly, a woman materialized in front of her causing Raven to stop short of her so she didn’t run into her. She was strange, someone Raven had never seen before. Her dark hair was curled and looked perfect draped over one shoulder. Her red dress was immaculate, and Raven wondered why she’d never seen her before. She’d definitely stand out. No one wore dresses down here, and no one had such bright, pristine colors.  _

_ “Time to get back to work, Raven.” _

 

* * *

Raven’s eyes flew opened, realization dawning on her, as the last remnants of sleep faded away. Her mind was clear; she remembered. Not everything, but enough. New memories had opened up. There was still a little fog when she tried to remember how they had come to be in the City of Light, but she knew with time, that would go away, too. She was getting close to the heart of this, and she knew that soon, they’d all be back where they were meant to be.

Sitting up, Raven threw her covers off of her and placed her feet on the ground but didn’t move to stand up. The phantom pain in her leg from her dream was settled over her leg. She hissed through her teeth as she stood up, the pain flaring up for a moment, making her teeter back onto the bed. Tears stung her eyes, but Raven would not give in to the pain as she knew it couldn't’t last. There was no pain in The City of Light.

Forcing herself to get to her feet again, the pain was gone, and she was easily able to walk to her bedroom door and out into the hall. Making her way to the kitchen, she grabbed a glass of water and gulped down the cool liquid. Setting it the glass into the sink, she leaned against the counter, taking deep breaths to settle her racing heart. She was okay. She was safe- or as safe as they could be in a strange, fake world.

Raven forced herself to think back, piece together the important parts. ALIE was a program, a code. When they were within the code, she took on a physical form that they could all see. She was the force that drove the rest of the code, which was The City of Light, which also happened to be where they were all stuck. So she and all of her friends were in this code, and to get there, one had to take a chip, which linked all of their minds together with ALIE. 

However, their minds didn’t seem to be linked to ALIE here. It would be safe to assume that Jasper, Emori, Abby, and others were linked together, but it seemed that Raven and her friends weren’t for reasons she didn’t know. She still didn’t know what they needed to do to get out into the real world again, but she figured it had something to do with Jaha. He was the one who had gotten them all this far. He was ALIE’s biggest ally. 

Jaha started this. And through him, Raven would finish it.

She made a mental note to ask Clarke what she knew about what he was doing lately. Abby would know. 

Satisfied that she’d come up with a plan, Ravne pushed off from the counter and made her way back to her room where she crawled back under the covers. Sighing, she hoped she’d have a dreamless sleep. She didn’t want to remember the terrible things she’d gone through in her sleep. She dealt with it enough when she was awake. 

 

* * *

“What did you expect?” Clarke asked her mother as they sat on Abby Griffin’s couch. They were going down the checklist Clarke had made and checking off everything that was completed for the wedding and figuring out what was left to do. “The mayor is coming to your wedding. You’re the director of the best hospital in the city, and you’re marrying the Mayor’s right hand man.” She flipped through emails on her phone, jotting down notes on her notepad.

Abby scoffed as she grabbed her glass of wine. “I just don’t want reporters showing up.” She took a sip of the red wine, hummed in appreciation, and set the glass back down on the coffee table. “My wedding shouldn’t matter to anyone.”

“What else would people gossip about?” Clarke teased. “I’m sure you guys could hire a security detail to keep out the press if that’s really what you want to waste money on.”

“You’re telling me that if you would ever get married, you wouldn’t mind the reporters showing up and shoving a microphone in your face and taking a billion pictures of you? They’d be getting in the way and disturbing the ceremony,” Abby told her daughter. 

Clarke shrugged, “If that’s what I wanted, I wouldn’t have announced it to the world when my wedding day was going to be. I’ll have a closed, private ceremony with only my closest friends. And you of course.”

Abby gave Clarke a reproachful look. “Do you think that’s where you and Bellamy are headed?” her mother asked. She was no longer even pretending to help Clarke.

Raising an eyebrow, Clarke glanced at her mother to gauge what kind of a response she was hoping for. Her face was irritatingly neutral. Clarke shrugged, “Maybe. It’s a little too soon to be thinking about that. But if he asked me tomorrow, I’d probably say yes.”

“You really love him, don’t you?” the look in Abby’s eyes were wistful, as though she was thinking back to simpler times. Clarke wondered if she was thinking of her dad or of Marcus.

Nodding, Clarke answered, “I really do.”

That seemed to satisfy Abby, and she dropped the topic. She turned back to her computer and started reading through her email again. 

Clarke stared at her mom from over her notepad. Abby was looking refreshed. Her hair was pulled back away from her face, but in a neat, busy way. Not in the too tired to do anything way in which Clarke most often had her hair while she was at home. There were no bags under Abby’s eyes; she seemed well rested. She was bright and cheerful and happy to be spending time with Clarke. 

Thinking back to what she remembered of her mother in the real world, Clarke remembered the tired, worried eyes that were clouded over from all the death and pain Abby had to treat and deal with. The stress of running the camp and keeping their people alive weighed on her shoulders. She hardly ever had time to take care of herself; she was always where her people needed her most.

In the real world, Clarke and Abby seemed to be separated more times than not. They clashed constantly. Abby was only trying to keep Clarke safe and where she could see her. But Clarke wanted to be in the thick of the problems. She knew what needed to be done, and she did it. Regardless of where Abby stood on the matter. 

In this world, they were just like any other normal family. Here, Clarke was no leader. She followed into her mother’s profession because of her strong desire to take care of others. She dabbled in art in her free time, but didn’t do much else with it. She and her mom had supper once a week as a family, a tradition they are keeping up now that Clarke had moved in with Bellamy. They bickered as all parents and children did. 

Neither were fighting for their people anymore. Neither were struggling to survive. Neither had to deal with life and death decisions every day. They only had to save people in ER, which Clarke had to admit sometimes dealt with life or death decisions, but it wasn’t the same. Not exactly.

Sighing, Clarke thought back to the conversation she’d had with Raven the night before. It seemed to fake, so unreal that they were living in a fake world- in a code- that was being run by some AI. But it was happening, and Clarke had to figure out how to get them all free.

“What’s Jaha up to lately?” Clarke asked her mother. “You don’t talk about him as much anymore.”

“Oh, you know that re-election is coming up next year. He’s already working on slogans and trying to gain the public’s votes. He’s eating up a lot of Marcus’ time, too,” Abby told her.

Clarke nodded, “Good thing he can take time out of his busy schedule to come to your wedding then, huh?”

“I might have strong-armed him into going. He’s got to get out of that office once and awhile. He’s so focused on the job, I worry he’s not taking care of himself,” Abby said. “But he thinks I’m nagging and doesn’t listen to me.”

“That sounds like Jaha,” Clarke nodded. “I’m sure Wells would be proud of him, though, for how far he’s come.”

A hint of a frown passed over Abby’s features. It came and went so quickly, Clarke wasn’t sure she really saw it. Abby didn’t say anything, just nodded in agreement. 

Clarke blinked, her eyes narrowed slightly, wondering what that meant.

“I wish Wells could be here,” Clarke pushed. “I miss him.”

The flash of uncertainty passed over Abby’s features, but it was quickly replaced with a smile as she turned to Clarke, “I know you do. We all do.”

Not wanting to push the topic, Clarke toyed with the watch on her wrist. It was her father’s last gift to her before he had died. It had stopped working, and the thought had always saddened her. In the real world, she would never be able to fix it. But here, it was different. She made a mental note to stop in at a jewlers to get a new battery. 

She caught her mom watching her toy with the watch. “I need to go get a new battery,” she said. “I feel bad letting dad’s watch go unworking for so long.”

Abby pursed her lips, “Your dad would want you to fix it.” 

Clarke noted that her mom hadn’t used her father’s name. She tried to think back to the last time her mom had mentioned Jake, and she realized she couldn’t think of the last time. That was not a good sign. 

Standing up suddenly, Abby startled Clarke as she grabbed her glass of wine, downed it, and headed into the kitchen presumably for a refill. Clarke stared after her. If she didn’t know better, she’d think her mother had forgotten all about Wells and Jake Griffin up until Clarke had mentioned it.

Realizing they didn’t know much about the chips other than it took away pain and moved your mind into The City of Light. Maybe when the chips took away pain, it took away all the painful memories a person had- not just physical pain. Frowning, Clarke realized just how dangerous this could be, but she also understood the appeal more now. 

How nice would it have been to forget all about the deaths of Finn, Lexa, Wells, her dad? How appealing would it have been to forget the hundreds of people she had killed? If someone had given her the option when the pain was freshest, Clarke wasn’t sure she would have declined the chip. 

 

* * *

“You didn’t see her, Bellamy. It was like she didn’t remember my dad or of Wells until I said something. And even then, she had to think about it,” Clarke told Bellamy as they were getting ready for bed that night. “It was unsettling.”

“So you think the chip takes away emotional pain as well as physical?” Bellamy asked, as he pulled the covers back and slipped beneath the sheets.

Clarke nodded as she paced around the room, brushing her hair absentmindedly. “I do. It would make sense why so many people would have taken the chip. How many people lost their loved ones coming to the ground? Or the fear that they could die by grounders at any moment?”

Bellamy nodded in agreement, thinking about what she said. “It seems to be the case. Would make sense why Jasper took the chip with how distraught he was after Maya’s death. He was steadily spiraling further and further into depression. The chip was his only way out.”

“I thought of that, too,” Clarke agreed, setting the brush down on her dresser before she joined Bellamy in bed. Leaning back against the headboard, she glanced at him. “You said you wanted to talk about Murphy?”

Nodding, Bellamy shifted so he was facing Clarke. “First, though, I should tell you I got promoted at work yesterday.” 

Clarke’s face broke out into a grin, “That’s great!” When Bellamy’s face didn’t match her excitement, she frowned, “It’s a good thing, right? Why don’t you look happy about it?”

“I’m working under Pike, now,” he told her, and that explained his lack of enthusiasm. Pike had been a source of mayhem back in their real world. Pitting grounder against the sky people. Pike had talked Bellamy into murdering three hundred of the soldiers sent to guard them. Pike was bad news, and Clarke didn’t like this new assignment. “I start on Monday. I get a feeling they’re separating me from Miller and Murphy.”

Running a hand through her hair, Clarke thought through what that would mean. “They must think we’re getting close to finding the right kind of answers.”

Bellamy nodded, “My thinking exactly.”

Clarke gave Bellamy a genuine smile, “But you got promoted. That’s still a big deal! You deserved it with how hard you’ve been working! And I know it’s what you really wanted to be. You got there! I’m proud of you!” 

Despite himself, Bellamy returned the smile, happy he had indeed gotten the promotion, even if it was because of less than ideal circumstances. “Thanks!”

Leaning forward, Clarke kissed Bellamy on the mouth. She wanted to have more celebratory sex, but she knew they still needed to talk about Murphy, and she didn’t need them both getting too distracted again.

“So, what’s this about Murphy?” Clarke asked after she pulled away, Bellamy leaned forward, following her lips for a moment.

Sighing, Bellamy explained, “He wants to help. I just feel like keeping him in the dark about everything is going to distance him from us, and we could use all the help we can get.”

Clarke thought for a moment, “We could have an inside man. We could have him feed Emori false information, throw them off our trail. We need to know what- if anything- he’s told her. I think it would be beneficial to have him be in the know. You just need to find out what he knows and then see how he reacts to us telling him Emori is one of the chipped. If he’s still willing to work with us, we could really use him.”

Bellamy nodded. “How he reacts to that will determine how much we tell him. I feel like if I talked to him, he’d be okay. Let me and Miller talk to him. That way he doesn’t feel like we’re all ganging up on him.”

Trusting Bellamy’s instincts, Clarke agreed. “Sounds like a plan to me. When are you going to do it?”

“I think there’s some free time we all have tomorrow. I’m afraid if we wait until next week, we’ll never find the time,” Bellamy answered. 

“I’ll see if the girls want to chat about what I discovered with my mom. See what other kind of plans Raven might have. I didn’t get a whole lot of information from my mom about Jaha. He’s busy, and it would make sense with re-election coming up. Not sure what Raven wants to do now,” Clarke said with a shrug of her shoulders.

Bellamy nodded and turned off the lamp next to the bed. In the dark, they burrowed down into the sheets, cuddling together. Bellamy pressed his body against Clarke’s, smiling absentmindedly. He couldn’t help it. Even through all the stress and the bad stuff, here with Clarke was perfect. It felt right. She had a way with chasing out the demons in his mind, leaving him happy and content. 

He knew these moments would be few and far between in the coming weeks. He needed to make the most of it now.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love hearing your thoughts on this! Please let me know what you think!


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys, I'm transitioning at work and doing lots of training and meetings and it's eating up all the time I would normally use to write!  
> But here's the next chapter!

“You sure pulling Murphy into this is a good idea?” Miller asked Bellamy as they waited in their usual dinner for said person to show up. 

Bellamy shrugged, “We’ll see what he has to say about Emori.” Bellamy really wanted Murphy in on this with them. Not only because he felt guilty keeping secrets, but also because of all his memories from the real world, Murphy was there helping. 

Murphy and Bellamy may have gotten off to a rocky start. Their friendship wasn’t like his and Miller’s where they became friends because they had a common goal and similar ideas. Bellamy had Miller’s back, and he knew Miller had his. Bellamy couldn’t really say the same with Murphy. He had been a complete jackass when they first hit the ground, but Bellamy had been an ass, too. 

Over time, over all the stuff they’d all been through, Murphy had earned the trust and respect. It had taken a long time to get to this point, but Bellamy was glad they weren’t at each other’s throats anymore. He knew the others didn’t trust him quite, yet. But that would take time. 

He felt as though Murphy had been through enough- proven himself more than once of standing on the right side. Bellamy knew Murphy would do anything for Emori, their love was real and it seemed to burn just as bright with them as his and Clarke’s relationship. Bellamy was happy for him. He was glad Murphy had found someone. 

“You told him to come alone, right?” Miller asked. “He usually brings her everywhere.” Miller sounded annoyed by the idea, and Bellamy couldn’t really blame him. 

Murphy and Emori were definitely making up for lost time. Bellamy got the sense that Murphy was a little scared if he let Emori out of his sight then she’d disappear. Bellamy wondered what Murphy thought Emori was doing during his shifts at the precinct. 

“I did, and he will come alone. It may seem they can’t be apart, but we got him to come to guy’s night last week, right?” Bellamy shrugged. It had been hard to talk Murphy into leaving Emori at home while he came out and had fun with his friends, but he had done it.

Miller chose not to reply, instead he crossed his arms across his chest and waited silently. 

They didn’t have to wait much longer; Murphy made his way towards their table. “Sorry I’m late. My lyft driver got a little lost trying to find my place.”

Bellamy chuckled, “We haven’t been waiting long.” 

The waitress came over and grabbed their drink orders. The boys talked of menial things to pass the time until the waitress came back with the drinks and took their food orders. Bellamy waited patiently as the waitress collected their menus then hurried off before he spoke.

“How’ve things been going with Emori?” Bellamy asked when he was sure they weren’t going to be interrupted again. 

Murphy smiled, “It’s weird. I mean, for the longest time I didn’t even know she existed. Then when I start getting my memories back, she was always faceless, and I couldn’t always remember if she was a real person or not. I thought I was going crazy. But when she showed up, everything clicked into place, and I realized the weird feeling I’d had was me missing her.”

Bellamy smiled as Murphy talked. Murphy was usually pretty stoic. He could laugh and have fun, but he didn’t generally talk about his feelings. It was nice seeing him come alive, but it was weird to see him do it.

“What’s she been doing all this time?” Miller cut in, and Bellamy shot him a look. Miller only shrugged.

“She didn’t remember me either. But she saw me on one of my patrols and remembered everything. Then she come and found me,” Murphy replied, he was eyeing Miller as if trying to figure out the motive for his question. 

“Does she have a job?” Bellamy asked.

Murphy nodded, “She works at a daycare downtown for kids with disabilities.”

“Wow, that’s awesome,” Bellamy was impressed. It was too bad she wasn’t on their side. 

Murphy narrowed his eyes, glancing between Miller and Bellamy. “Why don’t you just ask what you asked me here to ask rather than beating around the bush.” Bellamy noted he didn’t seem upset. He just stared at them expectantly.

Bellamy let out a deep breath, “Okay, do you realize she’s working on the same side as Abby and Jaha and Jasper? She’s working against us.”

Nodding his head, Murphy said, “I figured it out about a week ago. It’s why I haven’t told her anything.”

Surprise flickered over Bellamy’s features. “You knew?”

“I’m not stupid,” Murphy told them, the irritation clear on his face. “I have terrible nightmares some nights, and she was always awake and asking what I dreamed about. At first, I told her. I would dream of hanging, of being locked up as a prisoner, of seeing death. She would always want me to dig deeper, to tell her exactly what I saw and who else was in the dream. I told her a little about it- who I saw die.” He went quiet, probably seeing the faces of those he’d seen die, of the horrors he’d seen on the ground.

“Did you tell her these were memories?” Miller asked.

Murphy shook his head, “I played it off as just bad dreams. I told her I’d worked a murder case. At first, I only lied about where the dreams were coming from because I thought she’d think I was crazy if I told her the truth. Because it is crazy. It’s unbelievable.”

So far, nothing Murphy had told her would be incriminating to anything the group had discovered. There was no way Emori knew anything. But there was more to the story, and Bellamy stayed quiet and let Murphy continue.

“A few weeks ago, I must have said Jaha’s name in my sleep. She heard me and asked who Jaha was. She was way too persistent. I told her that I knew of him through Clarke, and I didn’t know why I was dreaming of our Mayor. After that, she wouldn’t let me out of her sight really unless I was going to work. She wanted to know everything that happened- if I had talked to you, Clarke, or Raven. She always wanted to know what you three were doing. It just seemed a little odd.” Murphy sighed. “Then last week, I got off work early and went downtown to bring her lunch at work when I saw Jasper leaving Emori’s office with Kane. They didn’t see me, and I didn’t say anything about it because I didn’t want to tip Emori off that I saw them together. It seemed pretty obvious then that they were all working together.”

Frowning, Bellamy thought about everything Murphy had said. Now they actually had proof  that their friends were working against them. They had all known, of course, but it was different when it was proven- when you could see it for yourself.

“We figured she wasn’t on our side,” Miller admitted.

“It seemed too convenient she showed up just as we were starting to get anything figured out,” Bellamy added.

“So you guys do know a lot more than what you’ve been telling me,” Murphy commented matter-of-factly. He didn’t seem upset, more resigned to the fact that they would be keeping things from him. 

“We wanted you in on everything, but we weren’t sure how much you’d listen to us when it came to her,” Bellamy told him honestly. 

“You were right to be weary. But what changed your mind?” Murphy asked.

“We need all the help we can get. Your journals have been pretty enlightening. Did Emori know about it?” Bellamy said.

Shaking his head, Murphy answered, “No, I kept the journal at work and wrote in it on my breaks or got here earlier to work on it. I didn’t want her finding it.”

“Smart move,” Miller commented, seemingly impressed.

“So glad I have your approval,” Murphy remarked sarcastically.

“With my reassignment, we need to be sure we’re all on our toes,” Bellamy cut in before they started bickering any more. “You’re sleeping with the enemy essentially, and we think we can use that to our advantage.”

Murphy frowned. “How so?” He seemed uncertain about whatever plan Bellamy was about to drop on him. 

“You can feed her false information. Throw her down one path to get them looking in the opposite direction,” Bellamy explained. “We’d have to give her some truth, but some insignificant truths. If it were all lies, they’d know what you were doing. We have to stay one step ahead of them.”

“But with them knowing more than we do, we’re really just struggling to keep up,” Murphy told him. 

Bellamy nodded in agreement, “True. So we’re just trying to even the playing field a little bit.”

“I like your thinking. Do you have anything you want me to tell her?”

Miller smiled, “We do, actually.”

“We have to start out small. Otherwise, she’ll wonder why you’re suddenly getting specific with her. We can’t let them get even a little suspicious,” Bellamy replied. “Start with tonight. If you wake up from a dream, tell her a little more than you normally would. Let her pry a little. You can tell her that they seem to be from another life and that it sounds crazy. See what she says and how she reacts. We’ll go from there. We wanted to try the basics, see where we can go from there.”

Murphy nodded. “I can do that.”

“Good,” Bellamy smiled solemnly. “I’m sorry your girlfriend is working with the other side.” It was the truth. Bellamy couldn’t imagine how he would be handling the situation if Clarke was chipped and working against him. It wasn’t something he liked to think about.

Murphy shrugged, “All relationships have bumps in the road.”

That made Miller and Bellamy laugh.

Their food arrived shortly after, and they were able to enjoy a nice meal together before they went their separate ways. Murphy promised to fill them in the next morning after their Sunday breakfast with the group. He was hoping to be able to slip out without Emori, but he figured she would probably want to go along.

Bellamy and Miller headed back to Bellamy’s apartment. They both had the afternoon off, and they decided to have a normal afternoon and go back and play video games until Clarke got home and could fill them in on what the girls had discussed. 

 

* * *

“I’m home!” Clarke called in a sing-song voice. She loved coming home to Bellamy. It was a nice feeling to know someone was there waiting for her. 

“Miller’s here!” Bellamy called out in lieu of greeting from the living room. 

Clarke could hear gunshots and the familiar voices from one of the Call of Duty games. Clarke smiled, happy Miller was visiting. She knew Bellamy and him hadn’t hung out just the two of them in awhile. “Just pretend I’m not here!” she called out as she headed down the hallway towards their room.

“We want to hear what you girls talked about today,” Bellamy yelled after her.

“Just let me know when you’re game’s done,” Clarked called back. She knew that she could talk until she was blue in the face, but if they were playing video games, they didn’t focus very well. She wasn’t about to repeat herself three or four times, so they could wait until the game was done. 

She didn’t have anything interesting to tell them anyways. But they didn’t know that.

Clarke changed into one of Bellamy’s sweatshirts and some baggy sweatpants. Grabbing a pair of fuzzy socks, she pulled them on before she headed back out into Octavia’s old room and grabbed her sketchpad, which she left on the desk. She didn’t know what she had in mind to sketch; she just knew she needed to do something.

The boys played a couple more games before they finally called her out into the living room. Getting up from her comfortable position in the plush sofa couch that was just under the window, she place her sketchpad on the desk where she found it. There was never enough time for her to really get into a sketch; she’d been working on the same sketch for a couple weeks now. 

Making her way back down the hall and to the living room, Clarke found Bellamy and Miller had turned the game off and were now flicking through Netflix for a good movie. She went and took a seat beside Bellamy on the couch. 

“Who won?” she asked them.

Bellamy and Miller grinned to each other. “You even have to ask?” Bellamy smirked. 

The two played so often, they were pretty good. Clarke sometimes played along, but she died more often than she killed anyone. She was content to watch. 

“How’d the talk with Murphy go?” she asked after several moments of silence.

Bellamy shrugged. “He’s known Emori wasn’t on our side for awhile now, so he was pretty easy to convince to feed her false information. He’ll hopefully be able to fill us in tomorrow.”

Clarke nodded her head. “I’m glad that worked out so well.”

“Us, too,” Miller replied.

“What did you girls talk about?” Bellamy asked. He had found some terrible horror movie on Netflix and paused it. 

It was tradition for the three of them to find some terrible movie, watch it, and make fun of it. Clarke was excited as they hadn’t done this in a couple months. They were all so busy with everything, it was hard to find the time anymore.

“Nothing much. I didn’t get very good information about Jaha, which disappointed Raven. I’m not sure what she was expecting, but we’re kind of at a loss at the moment,” Clarke shrugged. “He seems to be the key; he’s an important player working for ALIE, but we can’t figure out how to use that to our advantage.”

“He’ll be at the wedding next week, right?” Bellamy asked.

“Yes,” Clarke nodded.

“Have you guys thought about the fact that all of the key players are going to be at this wedding?” Miller asked.

Clarke frowned and thought about that. When they were doing the seating chart, Abby had said Clarke should bring all of her friend group since half of them were invited anyway. They didn’t know who the key players working for ALIE would be, but Clarke figured it’d be Kane, Abby, and Jaha. Jasper and Emori would be there, too.

Bellamy frowned, exchanging a look with Clarke. “I never thought about that.”

“Do you think they’re going to do something?” Clarke asked. Was the wedding a sort of trap to lure them all together? What was the end game? What would ALIE do to them? What could she do?

Miller shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“I definitely think we need to be more careful than we already are,” Clarke said, sitting back in the couch. She dropped her head onto the back of the couch to stare up at the ceiling. 

Bellamy grabbed her hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “This gives us a week to come up with a plan.”

Clarke and Miller nodded their heads as Clarke replied, “I can’t believe I didn’t put that together. This wedding is going to be pretty big. There will be so many people around that we won’t know anything about.”

“Good thing you know the guest list,” Bellamy said. “We could use that and do some reconnaissance.” 

Sighing, Clarke strode into the kitchen and grabbed three bottles of beer. When she returned to the living room, she gave each of the boys one of the bottles. Popping the top off her own beer, she took a long drink. The boys followed suit, grateful for the drink as they all collected their thoughts.

“Breakfast tomorrow is going to be interesting,” Clarke commented after several moments.

The boys agreed but neither said anything, just nodded their heads in acknowledgement. 

Clarke grabbed her phone and checked the time. “Alright, give me ten minutes, and then I’ll be good to go,” Clarke said as she took a long pull from her beer before she headed back down the hall into her and Bellamy’s room. 

“Where are we going?” Bellamy asked, glancing over at Miller expecting him to be just as confused. Instead he was suppressing a grin. 

“Out. We’re celebrating someone’s promotion!” Clarke answered. She changed into a cute dress she had found in the closet, and had made her way to the bathroom to put on some eyeliner. After running a brush through her hair, she called it good. She grabbed a pair of comfortable flats and hurried back out to the living room.

“Fifteen minutes,” Bellamy teased, glancing at his watch. “Not bad.” 

Smiling, Clarke ushered them out the door. The gang was waiting around the corner at one of the bars that dotted the street. Everyone either had the night off or had been able to take the night off. So they would be a whole group celebrating and having fun together- just like the good ol’ days. It was a perfect way to celebrate Bellamy’s promotion. 

When they arrived, beer was flowing, good music was playing, and their friends were waiting at the entrance to shout out congratulations to a surprised Bellamy. He hadn’t known everyone would be there, and Clarke was grinning as she watched all the emotions dance across Bellamy’s face. 

Jasper was holding a tray of shots and shoving it towards Bellamy’s face, making him take two. Everyone grabbed the remaining shots, and they all threw them back in quick succession. Octavia was pulling Bellamy in for a hug, and the group shuffled towards the back towards one of the big tables they had reserved. Beer was ordered, and the group split up into beer pong teams. 

After a few games, they realized the bar did karaoke. Jasper went and put in a request, and when the current song ended, the DJ requested that Bellamy get up and sing Don’t Stop Believing by Journey. Bellamy tried to get out of it by heading to the bathroom instead, but Miller and Monty had pushed him up onto the stage. Looking like a lost- and very embarrassed- puppy, Clarke couldn’t let him endure this alone. 

Heading up to the stage, she grabbed a second microphone and started singing along with Bellamy. It was a little embarrassing, but they were singing to their friends. The night was fun and everyone was happy. Them singing a little offkey wasn’t going to ruin anything. 

Clarke’s enthusiasm rubbed off, and Bellamy started getting more into the song. Clarke mainly jumped up and down to the beat of the music while Bellamy watched her with a smile as he belted out the lyrics as though the song was his.  Their friends thought they looked ridiculous.

It was probably the many, many drinks they had had by that point that clouded her judgement, but Clarke thought they sounded pretty good together. The song ended, and she noticed that more bar patrons were clapping and cheering them on along with her friends. 

Clarke grabbed Bellamy’s hand, and together they bowed before leaving the stage. Bellamy pulled her back over the DJ, and Bellamy put in a request, but the music was too loud to hear what he had said. As they headed back to the table of friends, the DJ said Jasper and Monty were next up. Bellamy stuck his tongue out at them as they hurried by, clearly unfazed that they’d be singing in a room full of strangers. 

“I need another drink,” he called out, and his sister handed him the rest of hers. Lincoln got up to grab another round for everyone. 

“I think we were great,” Clarke said.

“You guys were awful,” Raven replied.

“The opposite of great,” Miller agreed.

“We tried, therefore, you cannot criticize us,” Bellamy told them, his words starting to slur a bit. 

“Yeah, I don’t see you up there,” Clarke said, more loudly than she meant. 

They all turned and watched as Monty and Jasper sang. They had wrapped their arm around the other’s shoulder, and they were swaying to the music. No one could really understand what they were saying. Their mouths were right on top of the microphone, muffling their voices, and they were so drunk, they were slurring their words worse than Bellamy. Still, they looked like they were having a good time, so no one teased them too badly when their song ended and they joined the table.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m thoroughly trashed,” Harper glanced around the table with a grin.

“Happy promotion, Bellamy!” Octavia said, and the rest of the table started chanting ‘Congratulations’ at him. 

“Thanks, guys,” Bellamy smiled, glad he could share the night with everyone. “I’m glad you all came out tonight.”

“Happy to be here,” Lincoln replied, and everyone felt inclined to agree. 

They ordered another round and talked about random things that popped into someone’s head. They stayed until the bar was closing down. Outside, they were hugging each other goodbye and congratulating Bellamy on his new job before they all split off and went their separate ways back to their own places. Clarke was practically drooling from the idea of sleep. Her drunk high was wearing off, and the idea of walking the few blocks back to the apartment was daunting. 

“Did you have a good night?” she asked Bellamy, hoping talking would help keep her awake. 

“It was great. Thanks for setting it up and getting everyone there,” he replied as they started their short walk home. Bellamy reached out and laced his fingers with Clarke’s, and they walked hand in hand.

“Only the best for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you guys so much for reading!  
> Comments and kudos are always much appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Any and all feedback would be wonderful! Thank you all for reading!


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